A Hologram && Hollow Heart -Caulder-

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because you're already d e a d in all the ways that matter Josh had told him to take it in steps. House-forge work first. Actual forge work second. Combat and hand to hand training last. His gut told him it was too soon to go back to the actual forge, but he forced himself there anyway. Staying cooped in the house with periodic breaks that consisted of sitting on the roof or aimlessly walking around wasn't cutting it anymore. Then again, he was condemning himself to being cooped up with fire around him, but it was whatever. Maybe he'd have a longer attention span in here... but he doubted it. In here... with fire... gods. Edmund really had to stop bringing himself out of the forge. He had been doing fine! For four years he had no problem. And then he spent a month in the infirmary. He left for the quest. He left to go to Casa de Saturn. He got captured. In between every event, he managed to force himself back to the forge. Every single time it was hard. It was rock bottom square one. Hyperventilation. Panic attacks. This time, it wouldn't be any easier. Edmund sat at his work bench, staring at a rotating, 3D image of Nova Silverwood's spine without even seeing it. How far along had they gotten on the project while he was gone? Had they finished it? They probably had. It probably went a lot smoother while he was gone. How the hell did he still have his desk? Stupid Redpath and Silverwood... They should've given his desk away while at Orthys. Edmund looked up and forced himself to look at the fire. Made himself stay sitting. Contained. It's not going to hurt you. He still couldn't fight the wave of panic that started to creep back up on him. Nonono. Think of something else. You're back to forging. Something for you to do. Now do it. True, it gave him a reason to stay. His fingers twitched on his desk. Back to trying to contribute to his pathetic idea of why he was still there: trying to make up for what he did. It wasn't helping. It never helped. He never helped. Pathetic, weak, traitor, monster.... Stupid way of trying to ease his conscious, but at least he decided not to drink himself to death. He had heard of it happening. Wars, quests, living in the depression hole of Orthys, being tortured, and loads of training... it all could lead up to a break down or psychotic episode. He hadn't reached that point yet. That didn't even include everything else that happened and didn't take into account his mental or emotional state. Just the physicality of their life style could send someone into an institution. Forget about the mental and emotional implications. Then again, Edmund Simons didn't have emotions. He shut them off, repressed them, denied them. Didn't have them. I'm okay. I'm fine. You are what you've built. Machine. You are what you hated. Half god. You are what you've fought. Monster. A flash of a ceiling on fire flashed infront of him, forcing him to shut his eyes. It didn't help. Nononono. Think of anything except the fire around him. Focus! What needed to be done? An arm and now a spine. What was next? An actual human robot? Oh, never mind. They had him for that. COMMENTARIA: POST CAPTURE Hope this is alright VERBA: 561

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Okay maybe this wasn't exactly the strangest thing he had ever done. But it was right on up there. He and Remus had gone to the Garden of Hespherides and killed the dragon in a quest from his own father. Gabe had helped Remus and it was all in a bid by his father to judge Remus's worthiness to date Felicity. If Gabe were to be honest, he quite detested his sister. She had her moments and after all, she was his sister, Gabe would do something for her if she truly needed it, but past that, she was good enough she could do whatever she wanted. Not that she needed his approval. She never put much stock into other people anyways. That was just how she was. Gabriel didn't need approval either, but it was quite fun to go on a little adventure. Sure there was always that chance of death, but that just added to all the fun. They killed the dragon, got the apples and came back. Three apples in all and it was quite fun. Amelia had loved her apple. But showing up with a huge dragon skin and skull, that was even more fun.

So here he was, at the forge. He had some sensative materials and he wasn't quite sure if anyone in the forge could help him. Gabe didn't even know anyone in New Rome that was well versed in crafting with such things. Okay maybe he had gotten strange looks from some people who saw the three foot long spike protruding from his pack, or the fact that he and Remus had paraded around with the massive dragon skin like it was Chinese New Year. But at any rate, he had looked up the property of dragon bones. Much thanks to Erich's book, it would seem that dragon horns and bones were not inherently magical. They held magic well if he were to find someone to enchant it. They had a natural fire resistance, strength and could hold an edge if shaped into a bladed weapon. It was almost a shame that they couldn't have salvaged more from the dragon. It wasn't quite like the tales that he had heard in some of the books he had read, though he figured Smaug the terrible would have been much large than Ladon.

Gabriel knocked on the forge door, hoping that Ronan was there. but as the door was open and his knocking was merely a formality in announcing his presence. But he looked around and didn't see the large and powerfully built son of vulcan, but rather the smaller son. Simons. Gabriel had set his jaw as he looked at him. They had gotten into a dissagreement while Edmund had been incarcerated. Gabriel didn' hate him per say, he had a dislike, but his sister seemed to have a strange fondness for the former first cohort member. "Simons, do you know if/when Ronan will be back? If not I have a few new materials for the forge to work with." Gabriel said as he swung the messanger bag from his shoulder and set it down on the table in front of him.

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just gonna stand there and watch me b u r n but that's alright  because I like the way it h u r t s They said time healed... but they all lied. Time taught people how to cope... if they were lucky. It certainly wouldn't help if said person kept getting thrown into the fire (so to speak). One thing after another. One more thing to repress. One more nightmare to wake up from. One more flashback infront of his eyelids. Put a lid on it and hope the memories don't bubble... but they did... they always did. Put a lid on it and hope you don't crack or shatter. Still, it didn't matter. Memories flashed infront of his eyes: awake or asleep. Ghost pains... fear of touch, fire, and needles... it was all there. It got worse and worse with each gods forsaken trial he went through. He'd think he'd have a handle on the last thing that happened... only to have something else happen and for him to go back to rock bottom. Each new nightmare found him clawing his way back up and fighting to make a comeback. Only this time, he didn't feel like fighting anymore. Sure, he had to pick himself back up and fix it... He had to go back to the forge... because people expected him to. And he was trying. He was. Only he wasn't sure how well he was doing. And he usually had a pretty good awareness on that. He wondered if this was the thing that had broken the camel's back so to say. He had usually rebounded by now... right? Cinny beeped quietly underneath his desk, only a few inches away from Edmund's right foot. At least he had gone missing, not his machine... The forge probably would've missed Cinny if he had been snatched and destroyed as well. His shredder was back to normal now; quest chip out, regular chip in. He had been like that for a while now. Edmund had switched them out as soon as Ronan had given him the normal chip back. Gods, that had been so long ago. Or so it seemed. Ed had been carrying around the quest/war chip around his neck in a small case. Redpath had a good idea, so Ed had stolen it. Even now, he still couldn't believe that the older man had kept it. He had kept his word. And now the chip was gone. It had been torn off him and destroyed upon his capture. He had woken up in a cell without the chip around his neck and without Lyn's bracelet on his wrist. Then the real nightmare started. There was a knock at the door, snapping Ed out of his thoughts. It's the forge, idiot. People are going to be coming in and out. Through the door came Caulder, a sack on his back. He looked back at the son of Pluto blankly and then dropped his gaze back to the hologram. Caulder and gone into a bit of a rant on him while in the cells. Ed still remembered that... so far away. Since then though, Caulder had asked for a puzzle lock box, so Ed had made it. It took him a bit longer than usual, but that was mainly because he was delayed a month by.... he had it sent to the first cohort a week or so after returning. Talk faster and it'll be over faster. No, you idiot. You're at the Leg- "NoIdon'tknow." Redpath was probably training the cohort with Josh. He used to have their schedules memorized and everything... now there were blank spaces where used to be trivial information. Ed looked away from the hologram and at the sack. He blinked, his eyebrows partially scrunching to reflect Felicity's habit. Gods. Caulder must've hated him even more now... Felicity probably got caught because of him.... No. Sack. What's in the sack? Ed tilted his head, his mind struggling to think of possibilities, but ultimately coming up blank. "...what'sit?" VERBA: 648

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Gabriel didn't understand the boy that stood here before him. He was a walking enigma. His disdain for the gods was rather obvious, he had little friends, he didn't seem to count those that shared blood family. He had no loyalty to those in his cohort and he was a traitor to camp. Edmund didn't seem to care about those that he hurt or those that loved him. Gods only knew how much he detested his sister but if that dolt of a forge monkey was going to consistently hurt his sister, then he was going to have to put his foot down. But his sister had always been one to do her own thing despite the fact that she was the worlds biggest idiot. She always had a chip on her shoulder. She was stupid, Edmund was stupid, they belonged together doing stupid shit. The thought made him inwardly shake his head, he just didn't understand it. Maybe it was because he understood that the gods, as parents and grandparents, if they were to be held to mortal standards, they would fail. But they wern't mortal. They wern't. They were gods. They each cared in their own ways, but there were rules they had to follow. Why was it so hard for people to understand that?

Did he blame Edmund for Felicity's capture? No. He stopped assigning blame after the war. It was either his fault, or it was their fault. And as of right now, the blame laid on Felicity. If she knew about the kidnappings, then she was either stupid or reckless for going out like that on her own. There was a reason that he stayed in camp and New Rome. He had something that he needed to live for. He didn't need to recklessly throw his life away for something stupid like a little side trip. Okay, he did just go on a quest that might have prematurely ended his life, but it didn't. He and Remus had killed Ladon. Though to be honest, he had never been more terrified in his life. That serpant was single handedly the most scary thing that he had ever come up against. He had fought in two wars and nothing scared him more than that. The thought made him visibly shudder. That monster had been strong and that only Remus had ended up in the infirmary after that, he counted them super lucky.

But Gabriel opened the bag and spilled out it's contents. Couple of large fangs, each about the length of his arm, A few horns equal in length and one large and rather massive dragon skin. He let Remus keep the skull so it could be hung from his doorway. A nice reminder that the Praetor was someone not to be trifled with. The Praetor was someone of Power and skill, someone who had earned that position. He liked Remus better than Felicity. What sort of person did that make him? The thought made him snort with laughter. He liked his Brother-in-law, to be, better than his sister. It was probably going to end up with them paling around and being bros. Well to say that family gatherings were dull would be a lie. “Dragon skin, horns, and claws. It was quite an adventure.” Gabriel said as he ran a hand over his unshaven chin and cheeks.

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because you're already d e a d in all the ways that matter Edmund honestly didn't think he was hard to figure out. What he showed was what people got: distain for gods, little regard to blood family, few friends, no loyalty to first, traitor to camp. What was so hard about that? If he had access to Caulder's thoughts, Ed would've told him that he had figured him [Ed] out. But was that him, really? Or would he just say that to maintain his well kept (yet kind of crumbling as of late) facade? Yes, certain parts were true... but maybe not to the extent people thought. The gods... he had more or less stopped caring. No raging... just... whatever. If they had stuff to do and rules to follow, fine. If that's what they wanted to do. Besides, if the immortals showed their affections in their own ways, Edmund was just as bad (if not worse) than them in that department. Still, as he had slowly begun to realize, he was too tired to rage at.... well, anything anymore. Little regard to blood family... well, besides his first family, yeah. But Redpath and Silverwood had grown on him a bit. So, probably more regard than people would've thought. Few friends... well, that one was rather true, if taken from the showed mutual perspective. Even at that it was a stretch, since he wasn't that great at showing it. He had the Quest team and Rhia, but then there were a  few other people who he tolerated, maybe even considered friends, and they didn't know about it. They probably still thought he hated them. Not caring about people he hurt even if it was people who cared about him. Well, that one was morbidly false. On the contrary, he'd probably hate himself for the rest of his life because of what he had done to them. Although, the way he acted, people would perceive it as true. The last two, Caulder just nailed on the head. Yes, he had little to no loyalty to first, and yes, he was a traitor, big time (at least, that's what he told and considered himself). For the first few though, what it all narrowed down to was sometimes, when he showed his cracked facade, people just didn't notice the changes. He didn't blame them for not noticing though. It's just easier to view a person as the same thing that you had been envisioning them as, rather than change your view. Besides, he really wasn't worth noticing. Unlike Caulder, at the time of his capture, Ed didn't really see something to live for... so he went. He had no fantastic ideas in mind. Felicity was back. Josh was back. Rhia was there. Art had people to care for him. The forge had Ronan and Nova. Ronan and Nova had each other. Felicity had Remus. Ethan had Lilith. They were all settled. So what if he took a bit of a risk? What was life without some risk and stupidity, after all? He had gone on a lot of side trips and had come back. Then again, he was the type to recklessly throw his life on the line. Ed tilted his head slightly as the contents were dumped out and then explained. Dragons. Okay. Accepting any mythological creature into his reality wasn't that hard anymore. He had seen so many monsters: human, animal, and combined, that very little fazed him. "Oh," he acknowledged in his quiet monotone. He inhaled, trying to consciously keep his speech pattern in check. "Lotsauses...armor... worked into spearsn'swords, trinkets..." he muttered, more to himself than to Caulder. There went his non existent filter. Besides, what camp member wouldn't jump to the chance at having a part of a dragon as their weapon? Even though his mind automatically jumped to the product possibilities, he didn't feel any enthrallment or anything as he had when given new materials. Was it bad that, even though he was in here and indeed forging, that he just didn't find it exciting anymore? Scratch that... he had been feeling that way ever since forging in Orthys. Well, find it exciting or not, it was still his job and he was still expected to show up, so... he blinked and then looked at the older male. In his mind, finders of the material got first say and first pick of creation. It was only fair. Your find, your forge sorta thing. But to determine that... "Didyou find all this?" COMMENTARIUM: Wow. Hi Ed muse *insert many apologies* VERBA: 742