because you're already d e a d in all the ways that matter
People were so unreliable. They'd talk. They'd lie. They'd stab you in the back. They'd dispose of you like yesterday's trash. They were all selfish bastards in the end. Either they didn't want to get hurt, or they wanted to hurt before they got hurt. That included him. He lied. He pushed. He yelled. He was an asocial, emotionless jerk. And in the end, he did everything in his power to cut himself off from the only people who (according to them) cared. It was all a manipulation game. The gods were the best, obviously. And then came the demigods. Children who were taught to lie on instinct. Lie to their mortal parents. Lie to each other. Lie to themselves. Lie or get put in a mental ward. Lie or get singled out. Lie or start not being able to live in the Legion's conditions of emotional constipation. Of course, at the Legion, there were plenty of distractions: centurions and praetors yelling, weapons flying, fire burning, powers to be harnessed, people to spar, people to hang out with. But then came the isolation of the infirmary. Then came the long nights of the quest.
At times, he almost missed having the quest members to constantly distract him with their senseless babble (mostly Lyn and Ethan). Sure, he could tune them out, but most of the times, he had just sat there and listened. It provided distraction from his own thoughts. There could only be so much entertainment stuck out in the middle of no where. So, it could only be a matter of time before the waves of memories started to roll in. Here was the same: only he didn't have the quest members to distract him. He spent most of his time in silence and solitude, minus the time he took out to train and forge. Here, he could let himself sink and drown in things that he tried to desperately ignore, but just couldn't. What Discordia had let him see. His agreement to make Saturn a scythe. Venus's visit. The threats Kyoto and Stone had shouted at him; the information about Lyn and Felicity they had said. No, no. Couldn't think about that now...
With that option suppressed, his mind jumped to an even more unpleasant topic: the quest. His feelings towards the others. How he had been kind of, sort of, actually, kinda happy. His worst fear. His utopia. How he could now remember, clear as day, what his mom, dad, and sister sounded and looked like. Finally, after years of slurred tones and blurred images, he and gotten them back. It had all been so real. And it had all come back to him. The smell of the house. The way Meg's hair used to stick up. The type of perfume his mom used to wear. The way his dad would be stand infront of the dishwasher and nonchalantly beat out binary codes. The old chip on the stair way bannister. The only thing about it, was that the situation had been completely fake. A world without gods. Where Ed was a normal child living in peace with nearly everyone else at the Legion. A world where they had all been happy. Nope. Never happening. Never could happen. Not after all that he had done. Feeding off of wants and hopes, only for it to be smashed in their faces. Right now, he didn't want to be here. He wanted to just... disappear. Disappear and go back to the room with the gas. This time though, he'd be alone. There would be no Lyn to wake him back up. He'd just let the gas consume him, take him away, and let himself stay in the memories. He knew what the "real world" was like, and it wasn't like the regain of Edmund Simons was necessary.
OOC: Wow. Sorry for that wait >.> IC: 639
Last Edit: Jul 24, 2014 19:45:05 GMT -5 by Deleted
CENTURIONS:
FIRST COHORT: Kit Albright
Christopher Ashby
SECOND COHORT: Michael O'Connell
Lucius O'Connell
THIRD COHORT: Bruno Steinmetz
Mattan Ballas
FOURTH COHORT: --
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FIFTH COHORT: --
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SPQR
CREDITS
Percy Jackson and The Olympians, and Heroes of Olympus, and their characters belong to Rick Riordan. All original characters belong to their respected owners/players.
LJ icon cred: poptartmuse