Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2015 22:49:26 GMT -5
I'm forced to fake a smile a laugh everyday of my life Eddie-mund ::Tag 562 ::Words x__x ::Notes | Keep smiling, keep pretending. That's what she had always done wasn't it? Since she was a small child, she learned the art of pretending to be okay, and yet there was so much weight on her chest she caved at times. Especially now, when it was so much more than just her own conscious on her. By standards of other countries she was hardly of age to be in the military. Not old enough to drink a beer. Yet here she was, with the life and death of over a hundred people on her slim shoulders. She wasn't just a legionnaire, someone who had to fighting a horrific war, she was a leader. Someone who had to make choices, who had to send people into war. The legacy of Venus, love, and Apollo, healing, had to do things even a child of Mars shouldn't have to do. Choose where to put people, who's lives where more important than others. She had to live with the consequences of those actions. It weighed heavy on her. She just wanted to work. To forget. To be useful, like the people who she got killed. Some were even people she killed with her own arrows, or blade. War was like that. Edmund was skeptical of her definition of fine, at least in her case. She couldn't meet his eyes, he was right. Her doctors where right. Lilith was right. It it had been any other legionnaire she'd have put them on lock down, and if she wasn't so concerned about blood flow she might even use sedatives to get them to rest. Other people where so much better than she was though. People loved them for no particular reason, surely there was something about them people liked. She had to work for every person who was close to her. Even the people who didn't particularly care about her, but had the false surface inclination to care about her. Those were not the type of people she wanted. They'd care for perhaps a day after she died, nothing more. A deep heart felt love, friends and family. That's what she wanted. Though she had no idea how to attain it, had no idea she already had it. “You are. Not the best person, I admit. But you are kind, I've seen it. Others... they know too. You have... Joshua, and Ethan right? Even after....” she didn't want to say what she meant, but he'd know. After he was a traitor. After all the aweful things he had done, they cared about him. Joshua even let him into his house. Though Joshua also seemed to like Rhiannon, and Felicity. The ones who brought this whole Saturn business in to fruition. At least Edmund hadn't been part of that. Just a soldier. A tool. Though really that's all anyone was to that awful creature. “I'm... me. Not always good.” she smiled at him, looking at him again. She'd have to go back, stop talking down about herself. Stop letting people know what she thought. People might try to talk her out of it, though they didn't understand. People might say she was just looking for attention. So she simply had to agree. People saying she was full of herself was much better than if they had pity on her. “I'm glad, but believable or not I'm fine. Really Edmund.” |
Lyrics from Because of You by Kelly Clarkson
Code done by step
Code done by step
