The Mess I've Made || Open

[Deleted]

ooc: Yay first Saturn!Ed post ic: 514 tag: OPEN credit to oblivion nobody said it was easy. no one ever said it would be this hard.

When your dreams all fail And the ones we hail are the worst of all And the blood's run stale Well, mortal music hadn't changed much since he had last heard it. Songs similar to the ones that he had heard come out of Metal Bird when it was describing people or tormenting them. Different artists, somewhat the same themes, but always the same range of instruments... it almost sounded as if a couple of the Apollo kids had gone metal. Since leaving camp, Edmund had come up with a new repertoire of entertaining himself. He had all but given up on plane making after coming back from the quest. He had given himself way too many new scars from accidentally (and stupidly) cutting his fingers. So instead of biplanes, he led a solitary life that consisted of doodling, fighting practice with Cinny, target practice on a bullseye he had made on the wall, creeping around the castle, and now, listening to the radio. No matter what we breed We still are made of greed This is my kingdom come This is my kingdom come Of course, he had to semi take Cinny apart and do some adjustments whenever he wanted a listen, but in the end, he got a radio by using a similar, yet much more simpler, principle that he had used when making Metal Bird. It was small, looked like a piece of crap, and needed to be adjusted every ten minutes or so, but it was something. Maybe after more castle lurking he could find the proper things he needed to make an actual radio, then again, this was a Titan's castle. What did he expect to find here except his followers and weapons? When the curtain's call is the last of all When the lights fade out all the sinners crawl So far he'd heard the same fifty songs around five times each, six different commentaries on a sport that he remembered to be baseball, an additional two on a sport called football, around 1,500 commercials for seemingly stupid services/products, and at least 200 stupid news reports. And it had only been a few days of having this thing. The seventeen year old sighed, shutting his eyes slightly... he was so tired. The rings under his eyes, lack of concentration, short temper, and decease of memory retention could attest to that... no sleep. No sleep could kill him in the end, but he really didn't want to go to sleep. He was desperate not to. The nightmares were waiting. They were always waiting. They lurked, always in his mind's eye, waiting for a chance to show themselves: be it in sleep or in letting his mind wander... So they dug your grave And the masquerade Will come calling out At the mess you've made All of the sudden, Edmund's dark brown eyes snapped open and he glared at the small sound box. He wasn't sure whether the thing was being its faulty self or if he had told it to shut up telepathically, but either way, it fell into immediate silence. Ed propped himself onto his elbows, staring at the ceiling. As Trivia had said, a slight draft always seemed to be in the room, but he didn't care; he had spent six months outside in a tent and slept on roof tops. A bit of wind wouldn't kill him. A small smirk flickered across his face. The cold never bothered me anyway. No, but the guilt would.

[Deleted]

Tag: Eddy - Edmund

Word: 465

Notes:

The mount hadn't changed much since last time, She had also being with Saturn in the last war and she had enjoyed every single moment! Yes, they lost the war and Saturn was sent back to his hole, the gods against Jupiter suffered some punishments and everyone suffered from them. Yet, the fun that she had during the war had been incredible! maybe only Troy would have compared to it, or the Civil war, but she just loved it! then Boring Jupiter sent everyone home and demigods had almost three marvellous years of peace. Now it is time for them to wake up again and be invited once more to a Sunday BBQ of the gods, that was a war for them, they couldn't die, they would continue with their lives after it, either if they win or lose. so what was the problem in another slight war in the demigod's backyard?

Tamalpais hadn't change a bit! well, maybe a bit Saturn was getting back to its glory once more. It was full of creatures, monsters that had, once more, sworn their lives to serve the ancient Titan, to kill the demigods and make it possible for Saturn to be again the ruler of the universe and bring a second golden Age to this world. Inside the castle there were also some demigods, filthy little creatures, well she also have had some in her immortal life, but these ones... they were there with Saturn because of any reason that you could think of, but the reason of being really and truly faithful to the Titan Lord.

Discordia didn't really like them, but wasn't going to hurt any of them as long as they worked properly for the Lord and obviously as long as the lord of time wanted them working under his commands. One of those snotty ones was Edmund Simons, he really had problems, he was all messed up. He blamed himself for something that he really had no control of, then he blamed himself for what happened in the quest, for not being good enough, he hurt his family and his quest mates and he thought that all of that was only because he was a demigod... well maybe it was maybe it wasn't... maybe it was only that he was rotten and it didn't have to be with him being a demigod at all!

Well... maybe it would be good for him to know... that he was the problem... so maybe he would really fall into Saturn's hands. She could feel his confussion, his pain, the mayhem inside him waiting for the right button to be pushed to explode. She smirked and decided to talk to the kid. "hello, hello... it is a pleasure to see that finally you decided to come."

[Deleted]

ooc: woot woot! ic: 511 tag: discordia credit to oblivion stand my ground

edmund let his back hit the ground with a soft thud as he straightened his arms and let gravity take over. he controlled his head so it didn't go crashing down, and lowered it onto the ground last, allowing him to stare up at the ceiling. the entertainment of the radio could only last for so long. the seventeen year old found himself drumming his fingers on the hard ground, his hand occasionally twitching. he bit his lip in frustration and curled the hand into a fist. his nails sank into the healing skin. ed inhaled sharply, cutting off a muffled wince of pain. he tried to forget how he had gotten that burn. heck, he had tried to forget his entire day in the ruins. all he wanted to do was shove into the back of his mind. make the memories dissapear. make them obliterate like they never happened. he grimaced slightly as images started to swim infront of him. almost attacking charlie. jumping every time someone would appear behind him that wasn't a quest member. always checking his back. seeing a monster at the end of his sword when it was just a dummy's chest. maybe he should've just let his head crash. if luck was on his side, He could do what felicity had done. he could forget everything that had ever happened to him. He could start over. blank slate. oh gods, how he wished he didn't know some things. sometimes, he thought it would just be better if he didn't. there wouldn't be as much pain that way. no more memories meant no more pain. besides, everyone would have probably enjoyed not having ed as ed anymore. in a sense, they got their wish. Ed had left camp. there was no one there to miss him, anyway. they were all probably glad that he was gone. no more glares, no more insults, no more antisocial forge monkey to bother them. the demigod boy rubbed his eyes. the lack of sleep was slowly catching up with him. sleep. he needed sleep. but he couldn't. not without nightmares. all he wanted to do was sleep. but he couldn't without replaying every awful thing in his head. Edmund shut his eyes and  pressed, hard. do not fall asleep. do not fall asleep. he pressed until he saw spots and bright lights infront of his eyes. he slowly cracked them open again, exposing them to the dim lighting. hovering over him was... someone. in one fluid motion, edmund jumped up, took out his dagger, and set himself up in a defensive position. how had she gotten in here? who the hell was she? he gripped his dagger, glaring at the intruder and daring her to make a move. then she decided to open her mouth. his eyes narrowed slightly. so she was on their side, was she? still, the former first cohort member kept his dagger up. "Who are you?" he asked. Not polite. harsh. abrupt. accusing. short. ed being ed.

[Deleted]

Tag: Edmund

Word: 419

Notes: Sorry the super mega delay. that very day you replayed, wasn't a good one for me... I love someone very close to me. But now I'm back and discordia is too!! XD

In all the milennia she had being around demigods and humans in general, she had always been impressed on how easy was to scare them. And in a way it was funny to see them and to be around them in that moment. So much confussion in the mind of a mortal when they were scared! so much internal discord! They didn't know if they wanted to run or to stay, to scream or to fight... and so on! Fo the godess of Discord, well... she really enjoyed that feeling. But Edmund was a bit different from others, or better say he was a demigod and like most of the roman ones in the cohort where he had been before his betrayal, didn't show that strife, they acted and end of story! Not so much fun... but before he reacted, the strife in his mind and his heart!! that was maybe what really lured Discordia to the teen's room.

"you don't need to fear me... I only want to help you..." she said and walked to a chair and sat on it, then looked at the teen again and smiled softly. She could still feel the pain and the discord in his heart. so much of it! why didn't she felt this boy before? was it because before he could control himself? Like all of the demigods that had joined Saturn, his mind wasn't right, he was as Rhiannon, Nicholas and Jeremiah... broken. But this one wouldn't be that easy, she had heard from Trivia and other gods how insolent he was with the gods, how little he cared if a god just killed him. well then if she wanted to feed on his strife, she would have to break him even more, to make him trust her, like Felicity now trusted her. And it was a very difficult task with Felicity and maybe it would be even more difficult with this handsome demigod.

"My name, is Discordia." she said in a soft voice, not the crazy tone she usually had. She needed a different approach with this demigod. She looked at his stance, how he grabbed the dagger, definetely he was from the higher cohorts, good asset in Saturn's army. But if only she could get through that thick skull and make him think that she was someone he could trust... just like Felicity did by that moment. "I only want to help, I'm sorry if I scared you... as goddess of discord and strife, I felt yours."

[Deleted]

ooc: no worries <3 ic: 436 tag: discordia credit to oblivion stand my ground

of all the people not to trust, gods had to be on top of the list. they had eternity to perfect lying, manipulating, and twisting stories so they could get the pity. edmund wouldn't fall for that. the demigods had fallen prey to gods' sob stories and needing help for too long. heck, he had even succumbed to it himself. he had gone on a quest in the name of the gods to get a relic of importance to them. what'd ed care about an ancient relic? they had gone through hell to get it. he had nothing but ill feelings towards it. and then, of course, after all their trials in the ruins, it gets freaking stolen. so instead of coming off their high horses and risking their own necks, what do they do? they send disposable demigods. the immortals should've gone on the quest themselves. maybe then they would've finally come to realize how frustrating it was to be one of their kids. edmund looked down at his own left forearm. branded as a legionary. he really needed to figure out a way to get this off of him. of course, it was burned in. he had nearly flipped out when he learned that he had to be repeatedly burned for every year he was in the legion. his house fire had given him enough burns to last him a life time. he could surgically remove it and then skin graft his left forearm back together. it had worked with his legs. even as the figure before him started talking, edmund kept his dagger raised and stance still. he gave his eyes a slight roll and didn't comment. stares and silences are equally as effective as words. he raised his eyebrows slightly as she languidly plopped herself down on a chair. claiming territory rather fast, but it didn't unsettle him at all. this was just a room, a battle field. then she introduced herself. oh. discordia. a goddess. that made sense. no wonder she was being so cocky. he couldn't say he was surprised to see her there or anything because, well, he wasn't. this was the titan army strong hold. surely gods like trivia and discorida would be present. motives and loyalties unknown, bipolar, and enigmatic until it came down to the wire, but that was just part of the game. the eternal, never ending game filled with no consequences. freaking immortals. they wouldn't meet their doom unless the titans won and they got chopped up into pieces and put into tartarus. "you didn't," he shrugged, and then turned to glare. "don't need help."

[Deleted]

Discordia looked at the demigod infront of her and she couldn't do other thing than smile at him and feel the strife in him, it was something weird to explain even for the goddess, because he was a mess inside, maybe not even the goddess of soul and mind could have understood him in that moment, or maybe ever!! but Discordia, felt the strife and it was something common for her, no matter he didn't want to accept it, or wanted to hide it. She felt it inside of him and if she could get a bit closer, not physically, but mentally to that teen, she would kno what was disturbing him in such way. She tilted her head at him and then smiled a bit more, her smile was a combination of crazyness and concern. She was worried about the demigod.

Yes, it was impossible to believe that Discordia could be worried about a demigod, well it wasn't that much or much of a trouble. Edmund was in trouble, if he was tinking on that he wouldn't have the strength to improve himself!, well she could perfectly hep him realize that and maybe even forgive himself, if the stregth of the mind as good, Edmund would only have to go to the source of his pain and anger. the moment the kid would forgive himself, the moment he would be able to explode a power that he didn't now he had... maybe not physical, Vulcan would know about those. She was talking about the strength of heart. which allowed him to be really strong and durable.

"I'm glad I didn't scare you..." she smiled at him and then looked into his eyes, she could feel it, and at the same time couldn't. How was it possible that this kid could do that? He was a mess inside, he really was. he couldn't even have a single happy thought in his mind or feeling in his heart, the kid was stil on foot because of his young tight skin, if not... he would already be on the floor all spread and rottening. But instead of that he was still on foot, he was still able to reply in such way, to show so much strength and fire in his eyes! She could even think about admiring that boy, but that words wasn't in Discordia's vocabulary. "really? don't need my help?" smiles at him and then nods at him. "ok, I won't offer it again... but you seem to be... really close to my believes. you called me here with what lurks in your soul."

TAG: Edmund
WORDS: 435
NOTES: FINISHED!! XD sorry for the wait!!

[Deleted]

ooc: no worries <33 ic: 484 tag: discordia credit to oblivion i don't need anyone

Smiling. A facial response to pleasing stimuli that took about 27 muscles to execute. Right now, it took enough muscle effort to keep his eyes open. Oddly enough though, being in the presence of the goddess of strife gave him a jolt of energy. Almost like someone had given him a shot of adrenaline. Edmund met her gaze with his usual, blank expression. She just gazed back at him, smiling like a loon. What was it with people and grinning like maniacs? That had to be it. They were maniacs. Given the fact that she was the goddess of strife, Edmund could take a pretty good guess that she was sadistic. It was her job to create chaos, after all. She probably came to disrupt his life. As if it wasn't disrupted enough already. At least he didn't give anything like that away. All the displays of happiness, sadness, or the madness within could be used against a person. Why hadn't normal people figured that out by now? It was so logical. So simple. Sure, it took a few years of practice, but nothing people couldn't accomplish in three years. "I'm not interested in your mind games. Get out." Short and to the point. 100% Edmund. Too late to change now. He glared at her, challenging her to stay. Besides, it wasn't like she was officially on Saturn's side. Taking into account her domain, she was probably causing all sorts of trouble for both sides. Warping both sides' minds. An eternal mind game that she on continuum from century to century. That's what she was here for, right? To toy around with his mind and send him crumbling into chaos? No, Edmund wasn't falling for that. He had been though enough mind exercises while at the ruins. He had enough for a life time. Of course, it wasn't like the all powerful, high horse goddess was going to listen to a treacherous, angry demigod, but he could always try. He might as well become the second patron god for lost causes. Edmund knew the answer before the sentence left his mouth, but he was too stubborn not to try. Who knew? Maybe the goddess could display some intelligence once in a millennia. Maybe she could realize just how much of a lost cause he was and just leave. "Right," he scoffed. A god caring. He'd laugh if he remembered how to. "I really don't," he said, a slight growl coming into his voice. Edmund could look after himself. He didn't need help. He didn't need anybody. All he needed was for people (and immortals) to leave him the freak alone. ....wait. He called her with his thoughts? That sounded familiar... He suddenly had a flashback to the first cohort barrack rooftop with a different god... "You and I are nothing alike," Edmund said icily. "Oh? That means I called you with nothing, then. Now, get out."

[Deleted]

Tag: Edmund

Word: 423

Notes: If you don't agree with how she acted, I can edit the post.

discordia looked at Edmund and then tilted her head, she kind of remembered that stupid kid from when she was only lurking camp. It was amazing how he was controling himself! was it something natural or did he learn how to do it on his own?! She smiled a bit more looking at him, she wasn't really listening to him and his delutional words, if she had, well then she would use her powers on him, she would blind him with strife and his mind would be the worst chaos due discord, but she wasn't going to hurt him so badly so soon. She wanted to know how deeply injured was that kid, how deep were the strings that she may use in a moment of need.

She sighed as if his words had hurt her, but well it was her, nothing so vane could hurt her. She was more interested in what was lurking inside his soul, why was he so mad against the world... or was it against himself? He had acted in such way for so long, that maybe even his mind and his soul were acting as if he was really mad against the world instead than with himself. Edmund kept talking and rejecting her in what was already his singular and particular way to talk to others, including immortals, but maybe the young man was forgetting what was to be a mortal and what was to be a god. Gods under Jupiter's commands were forbidden to mess with a mortal, they shouldn't kill them, there were moments when the gods couldn't help themselves and they did it, but usually they didn't and even less in the Camps. But the gods with Saturn weren't attached to that rule, in fact any rule, if Edmund was still alive was because A)he was needed in the Army and B) discordia was having a lot of fun with him.

She tilted her head when he told her for the second time in less than 5 minutes to leave, and her eyes flashed in a creepy lime green. "don't forget who is the mortal here..." her voice had been deep as if it had an echo in it, and while she was talking, Edmund could feel how the discord inside of him grew more and more, the strife was growing too, messing with his deeper feelings and memories of strife in life, the good ones and also the bad ones. "Let me see that strength in you... that hidden power in you."

[Deleted]

ooc: well then. this is going to be interesting ._. ic: 678 tag: discordia credit to oblivion slipping a w a y

Edmund didn't remember seeing her at camp. Out of all the immortals who had decided to come out to torment him, she had stayed in the shadows. He supposed that sort of fit. Goddess of Discord, pulling the strings behind the scenes. Making everyone angry, conflicted, and confused by presence. Gods, if he thought he hated mors, discordia had just gone to a level beyond that. probably same tier as jupiter and all the rest. okay, rather, mercury and mors were okay, as in, on his level of hate. they were immortals, they messed with him, but nothing as bad as all the others. he had ranked all the other gods on a level beyond hate. perhaps on a level they called loathing, or just pure go-die-in-the-most-painful-way-possible-and-then-get-transported-to-tartarus hatred. Did she creep him out? maybe a little. But then again, there was a creepy factor to all the gods. They were there. They were frigging alive. They were centuries and centuries old yet still walking around and talking and messing up stuff! How could one not find that creepy, especially since it had all been a just a myth until age ten? The goddess gave a sigh. Had he actually affected her, or had she done that for show? He never knew with these immortals. Then again, one could never be too sure around him, either. Even if he did hurt her feelings, he didn't particularly care. Demigod, mortal, or immortal, they were given the same treatment. Even if they could kick his behind down to tartarus a thousand different ways, it wouldn't stop him from being him. He didn't believe in the royalty treatment. It was probably why the immortals acted like spoiled brats. They had been kissed up to and worshiped for centuries, so when they didn't get what they wanted, they acted like brats. Edmund wasn't going to play into that system any longer. He wasn't going to give them what they wanted. Respect and trust had to be earned. Not that Edmund gave them from himself much. The more one did, the more they could be hurt, stabbed in the back, turned against, used, or be dissapointed. No, trust and respect were not commodities to be frivolously given out. Em and the Legion had taught him that well enough. His eyes narrowed in interest, not fear, as her eyes flashed. "You gods should really get into the movie business. Heard they paid big bucks for flashy-eyed princesses. You could ruin the lives of thousands of mortals. It'd be like a friggin holiday for you," he scoffed. "You know, you have to stop pretending that I have a sense of humor," he said, still with his straight face. "I can never forget that you're the all powerful, high horse immortal and that I'm the lowly demigod." For a moment, he could have sworn he heard an echo in her voice... "I didn't break it! I just fixed it..." "You destroyed school property!" "But... but it had a bad chip... I, I put it together again, see...?" "Leave." "LEAVE." "GET OUT!" "GET OUT!" Dear Mom... "But I don't know what happened!" Edmund winced slightly. Of course she had the power to do this... It was like he was half in a dream. A bad one. This is why he never wanted to go to sleep... As the images flashed by with catches of audio, he could hear Discordia talking to him. "What'd you mean...?" he asked, his usual flatness giving away into something angrier. "I'm just your average forge monkey..." "What do you mean you're not coming?!" "I, I c-can't..." "To your own family's funeral?" A bundle that held Metal Bird and a letter from Felicity... "I thought you weren't coming back." The ruins. Fear. What Could've Been, But Never Can Be.... I wanted to stay... so badly. maybe the demigod world was nothing but a nightmare. Dear Felicity... "Trivia! I.... I'm taking you up on your offer."

[Deleted]

Tag: Edmund

Word: 406

Notes: sorry she was babbling. muse fell alseep in the end.

Memories... well those sometimes made mortals to be so strong, to fight for what they loved or respected, memories were a very powerful fuel for them, to soar their spirits and made them be true warriors even when they had never gotten a single moment of training in they short ephimerous life. But those things, those files of the mind, were also powerful ways to keep a person away from doing what it was meant to do! Memories of fear, of pain, of hate, of love, of many other feelings that human kind beheld thanking to the gods, including Discordia.


The goddess knew that, she knew that she was part of those gods giving human kind a series of feelings that most of them didn't know how to control them or to be used them in order to be capable to do extraordinary things. They just felt ad didn't care to control them, to know how to use them nothing! So the goddess of Strife had decided to make a demigod strong, capable to control his or her feelings until no one knew what was going in his or her mind.  She wanted it to be a son of the big three or at least Ares, but when she found the perfect one, was a son of Vulcan.


At first he wasn't what she wanted, since the beginning he was a sweet boy, a kind kid, someone that would be hurt at any moment, and Discordia didn't need that. But then she started visited them checking on her and she realized that he could be a very good soldier, a heartless, only if she could get rid of those who made his heart to be so tender and cute. But gods couldn't get in the way, they shouldn't bother human beings. So she would have to find a way...


"What is that Edmund?..." she smiled feeling his pain and strife, if was like pure joy for Discordia, she wated to know what he was remembering, or was it a dream?... no it was a memory, something he had kept in his heart, trapped in it for a very very long time. SHe smirked and then got closer at Edmund as if she had modify them. "how did you go, you need some help with it... because it is a medal to painful moments!" smirks feeling all that awful moment for him. Then increased te strife him.

[Deleted]

Memories. They could kill, save, prevent, and incite. They weren't changeable. Some got blocked, others forgotten, but the most impactful stayed. If the memory was a certain level of positive or negative, it stayed, branded in the mind. Memories of pure trauma got repressed, blocked so the mind wouldn't damage itself. Forgotten memories slipped away like melting ice. Those insignificant, little details that were seldom repeated, seldom thought twice about. Memories could be used against the person, or to the person's benefit. Like everything else, it depended on the intentions of the person and extent of the memory's use.

A memory on repeat could become almost boring. Relived situations. Over and over, no matter how hard he tried to prevent or change the outcome. The failure, the outcast, the new kid with the ADHD and dyslexia, the trouble maker, the gods who watched and manipulated the mortals. It only took a couple of repeating life situations to come to the realization that nothing would ever change. The only memories that didn't get old were the nightmares. Every night, a fresh perspective, a new detail, a different monster, a raw feeing of terror. After a while, memories, nightmares, and life all blended together. There was no telling one from the other. A life made out of nightmares, which just so happened to be memories in repeat. Basic memories, just with varying details. 

"Nothing," Ed muttered, Discordia's voice breaking through his memory montage. "Wha-?" Before Edmund could piece together what the goddess meant, he saw her approaching him. Suddenly the amount of fear and conflict in him was nearly overwhelming. As if someone had smashed a wall in his mind, a blocked memory started to emerge: the only other moment in his life when he felt this amount of strife. She continued her advance towards him, her figure blurring. "You need to be stronger my sweet boy... monsters will always go after you..." The memory of her voice matched her present day voice. Paralyzed on the spot, all Edmund could do was stare as she kissed his forehead. "Who... Who are you?" he asked, his younger voice echoing in his head. 

Edmund inhaled sharply, rubbing his temples. He kept seeing images. A nine year old boy with a black haired goddess. Snatches of a conversation. Talk of exploding his powers, the need to get stronger, how to get rid of monsters. Then, he felt a horrible pull in his gut as monsters flashed through his mind's eye. A sudden realization started to dawn on him. He started to feel sick, the goddess starting to blur even more as the blood drained out of his face. "You... You were there..."

OOC: I'll do fancier coding later. Yours was great! Hope mine was too
IC: 447

[Deleted]

Tag: Edmund

Word: 438

Notes: So sorry Edmund!! XD </3

It was very satisfaying to the goddess to see how deeply she had gotten into his soul and mind. She could feel how he had had hidden the memory that he was reliving in that moment. But which of all of those memories was that one? Edmund's mind was a mess in many ways, other gods had trandsformed him in animals from time to time and well the mind of an animal and the mind of humans was really different. So each time they did it something broke inside and then got stuck together again when someone was too kind to bring him back to his human form, but by then the pieces were never put in the same way they were before the change.

Suddenly he looked at her, his face was so pale, it seemed as if the kid was about to fall onto his knees or throw up his stomach cotent. Why was he looking at her in such way? She looked at him deeply, trying to get through that pale face and that almost unexistent voice to get to the right place and time of the memory he was accessing to. She tilted her head and suddenly she got a glimpse of a small version of Edmund, some fire and his family. "oh... that time..."

She sighed and then looked at him again, focusing on his face, but this time her eyes weren't showing any kind of craziness, but she was being serious. Strife wasn't always about craziness, it was also the inner part of each human being that was never comfortable with being the same as always or being what it was told to be. It was also that part of you that never let you give up, when a warrior was wounded and it refused to die, refused to be comfortable with the idea of leaving this world in such easy way. It was also a good thing... 

"You mean the time when your family died?" She asked with a soft, but firm voice, she wasn't playing with his mental strife anymore, she was being just the godess of strife, the one that helped the warriors to survive and keep fighting. She remembered that day perfectly, well when her mind wasn't jumping between insanity and mental discrepances. the very few times that she could keep her mind to be sane, serious and focused, she could remember all of what she had planned and seek in her immortal life. With Edmund wasn't different and she could remember once more what had she being planning for the young demigod since he was a kid.

[Deleted]

ooc: ic: 498 tag: discordia credit to oblivion i knew... i always knew because it's always my fault

Aside from him finally getting the proof that he actually set the house fire, Edmund finally realized how he got so wary of the gods. Like his intuition that the fire was his fault, he had always had this lurking feeling of distrust. Sure, he hadn't known she was a goddess at the time, but all immortals gave off this... vibe. All the truths came from March 25. He had just buried them really deep and really well. Walls in his mind only breakable by the one goddess he saw and spoke to that night. He was pretty sure he had been babbling about Discordia after he woke up after the hospital. Some woman. He also knew that he had said that he had done it. Everyone accounted them as bad dreams and survivor's guilt. Trauma from losing his entire family in less than twenty minutes. Edmund couldn't even remember what happened after the ceiling crashed. All he knew was that he was in the living room one moment, on a lawn the next, and then woke up with skin grafts on his legs, and burns all over him. His first narrow escape from death, discounting all the other monster attacks. Edmund looked at a point over Discordia's shoulder, trying not to throw up. Even though he thought he did it, suspicion and proof were two entirely different animals. He could torture himself with the idea that he did it his entire life, but the glimmer of hope that he didn't do it could still be present. Small, but present. But now, he had the actual guilt of knowing he did it. Ed wasn't entirely sure which one was worse. He must've looked pretty bad, because Discordia started to look at him in confusion. As if even she didn't know what he began reliving. Then, he felt her softly probing inside his head, trying to catch a glimpse of whatever she had manage to break into.  "Yes," Edmund muttered, not trusting himself to give anything but a one word answer. Strife took his family away, but it also kept him alive. Strife could be chaotic and destructive, but at the same time, he had been told that it gave willpower and stubbornness. The want, the human need, to fight back. He wasn't sure if he should entirely, totally hate her for that or see the latter as a bright side. What the heck? Who was he kidding. How on earth was "I'm still alive" a bright side? In all honesty, Ed's stubbornness could probably account for him being alive until now. Whether it be his own stubbornness, or his body's stubbornness, Edmund Simons still stood and walked. Stubbornness kept him alive, but it could also kill him, given the chance. Of course, being a demigod, Edmund's life had been filled with opportune times to die. But, each time, it never happened. His luck could only last so long. He shook his head slightly and looked at her. "Why...?"

[Deleted]

Tag: edmundsimons

Word: 517

Notes: poor Ed!!

Discordia looked at the poor demigod and almost felt pity for him... almost. She knew that the weak always were the ones who sufferedthe most and who would always died in the most horrible ways, they were also the so called Martyrs, it was so pathetic to see a good life wasted like that, the only reason some martyrs were useful were to make demigods or even common people  become what is well known as heroes. whenever they lost their beloved ones as martyrs or simply lost them, those who survived tended to be stronger, to try to get some revange or simply to fulfill the dreams and wishes that those who had died wanted or shared with the ones that survived. 

The moment he accepted that he had been remembering the moment his family had died, that feeling of hers, the one that was almost pity, transformed, she didn't feel pity anymore, it had been necessary, he didn't know it so as many other demigods didn't know fragile the lines of destiny were. usually humans only saw a very small part of their universe, they thought that their lives didn't affect the lives of others, they thought they were useless. But Gods knew different, living for so long had given them the blessing and curse to see more than they could have wanted. 

Edmund didn't know how important he had been, was, is and would be in the future. He thought that he should have died with his family in that fire, but the fact was that the fire was needed so he could be who he was, that he could save so many people with small actions and others with huge sacrifices. He had been her champion since the very beginning of his life, why? well it was difficult to explain in words that a mortal could understand, he had simply been chosen to become an importan and strategical piece in the game of the gods. Her ace to help the Olympus from the back seat instead of the public front one.

When the boy asked why, she looked at him and the green flashy light in her eyes diminished, she stopped pushing the discord in his mind and only left the common strife, she needed him to feel that strife and continue doing what he was doing for Camp, Rome and the Gods, even when he didn't want to. 
"Why?..."
She asked again and looked at him and tilted her head. she knew what he wanted to know, but... could it be... wise to tell him so soon? she wanted him to continue being himself, that upset teen that hated the gods and worked only helping those he loved in his own secretive way. Also she wasn't going to blame other gods, she had done it, and he had suffered because of her. She had made him stronger, at a really high cost.
"be more specific on your questions sweet Edmund... the mind of a god is too wide to focus on a single word... " she smiles at him in her own crazy way.

[Deleted]

BECAUSE YOU'RE ALREADY D E A D IN ALL THE WAYS THAT MATTER Even as a child, Edmund always remembered having this odd, driving feeling. He wanted to fix it, make it better, become better, do more. The ways he went about it could be seen as unorthodox and off the reservation, but Ed wanted what he wanted, and found the most Edmund-like way to get it done. That was before he lost his family to the fire. After, the goals were still there, but the reasons had changed. He still wanted to fix it and stuff, but he had... he couldn't figure it out as a child, and even though he was older, he still couldn't figure it. It may have been years ago, but he could still remember the feelings. An odd mix of rage, sadness, guilt, and rebellion (mostly against Em). A want for his family, to forget, to remember, to take revenge, to shut everyone and everything out. The conflicting wants ended up no where. At the end of the day, they left him exhausted but unable to sleep. He remembered being asked for statements. Some of the people had said he had been brave. Then and now, Edmund didn't really think so. He couldn't remember, couldn't fix it, and couldn't save anyone. Besides, he had probably just survived through selfishness, demigod ADHD, and instinct. No matter how though, Edmund ended up surviving: scarred and angry, but alive. The trend continued: at Em's, at the Legion, at the Ruins, at Orthys. Each time, he had managed to stabilize just enough. Jenga tiles being carefully pulled. A new weight to be added to the shaky foundation. It left the tower wobbly, but given time it would straighten and stay standing. It was only a matter of time before someone pulled the wrong block. Then, the tower would finally fall and break. Not with grace, not in silence, but with a crash and pieces scattering everywhere. All the work, all the progress, destroyed with a single block being pulled.  Edmund was pretty sure being in front of Discordia was causing all of this recall. Why the hell would she do this to him? Oh yeah, never mind. Because she was a god and she could. Either that or she was screwing with him, which made his show of slight vulnerability humiliating since he was playing along with what she wanted. Pawns in their never ending games. Right. Never forget your place you lowly demigods and mortals. You're all just there for the fun and entertainment of the gods. He was beginning to see no point in all this. If life was just the gods messing around with everyone, then why bother? Unless he could destroy the entire system... but then again, he didn't know what the gods did and didn't want.  If he did, then he'd just do the opposite just to say screw you.  Why. A question with a double edged sword. The answer could change him, or just make him angrier. Did he need to know? Or could he live without the knowledge. Would it be too much to take right now? Ed found it more preferable to live with being angry than being ignorant though. However, this question was more... personal and selfish than worldly and important. Why me? If Discordia hadn't put that thought in his mind... where would he be? Happy and with his family, probably. Next? Okay, if he wasn't a demigod where would he be? Oh. He knew that too. The gas. He already knew the answers then. Either that, or he was jumping to conclusions because he didn't really want to know the answers.  So, Edmund did what he knew how to do best. He steeled himself, stowed his crap, and turned his face into stone.  "Why are you here? I didn't call you. And if you wanted to see my hidden power, joke's on you. I don't have one." OOC: HE FINALLY DECIDED TO COOPERATE IC: 647