MIA (Zidane)

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Remus was tired. He hadn’t slept well at all last night thanks to, well, his stupid anxious mind. It was something he was getting used to. Late nights, early mornings, and busy days. As long as he didn’t let Tessa catch on about it, he was usually fine. Though there had been the odd time he had fallen asleep at his desk. And right now it was looking like it might be one of those times if he didn’t do something. So he did. He got up and headed for the door, Aurum dutifully following him. A cup of coffee was what he needed, and not the stuff he had here in the principia. Something fresher than that, and there just happened to be a coffee stand on the Via Principalis. He went and got himself a cup of coffee and headed back to the Principia. It had to be going on noon, according to his stomach growling. So he picked up a turkey sandwich from another stall on the way. Healthy? Maybe not. Well, at least he was eating, right?

He glanced up at the sky as he walked. Clouds were gathering. Rain was coming. And he wasn’t the only one to notice. People were rushing to get their errands done as fast as they could. He and Aurum merely stayed out of their way. Even the automaton didn’t mind getting wet, and, well, the only thing that worried Remus about the rain was soggy sandwiches. So no big deal really. But he picked up his step nonetheless.

It was easy to get back to the principia, as the place was so centrally located in the camp. Soon he was inside – and still dry – and back at his desk with his coffee and sandwich. He took a break from his paperwork to eat and drink, then went right back at it, filing the latest report of a missing person. Not his favorite pastime.

Tag: Zidane
Word Count: 324
Notes: yay threadage!

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Sleep rarely came easily to the former praetor. He'd always been a bit of an insomniac, but sleeping with one eye open was what the life of thieves called for. Somehow it was a trait he seemed to absorb from his foster family of criminals, the careful sleeping and the outright sleeplessness. But that was a time he was far removed from, now. A realm in his mind to which the gates of thought had seemed to shut off for the time being, unable to be retrieved while his mind was still as badly fractured as it was. It had been weeks since he'd returned to camp from his ordeal with Discordia, and there seemed to be very little improvement for his condition. No matter how many trips he made to the infirmary to see the resident psychologist, or how many offerings of ambrosia he tried to eat without being incinerated, he simply seemed to remain the same. 

Fractured. Sleep deprived. On the edge of madness. And today was not so different. In his isolated room in a barrack located in the second cohort area, he lay on his bed, staring unseeing at the ceiling as if it might tell him some secret he had overlooked. Some way to become himself again, all while he ignored the sound of activity outside and flinched away from the sun that came through the windows. Sleep or sense were useless pursuits, he was coming to see for the nth time since his return. So was going on with usual camp activity, though the shred of normalcy the routine provided seemed to dwindle for other Romans, too. With a deep sigh, he rose from the bed slowly, not in much hurry to be anywhere. As was habit, at least one shred of normalcy from him, he attached his twin blades to his belt and shuffled out the door, not bothering to see if he looked presentable. 

Out in the warm air, Zidane exhaled slowly and started walking. It was nice out and he could smell rain coming. He vaguely noticed that people were hurrying too and fro in anticipation for a deluge, but the blonde found that he could care less about a little water. Who cared if he got soaked? He wandered a while, barely paying attention to where he was walking. He was careful to shrink away from the scampering campers though as the first drops of rain began to fall, and soon he found himself at the steps of the Principia. How odd, he thought to himself, that he would wander here of all places. Curious and pulling himself together as well as he could, he decided to venture in and see if the current Praetor was in, if there was any news. His expression was nervous as he carefully pushed the door to the office open. 

Tag: Remus
Word count: 470
Notes: Darn IRL for getting so swamped when I'm raring to go! Sorry, and here you go!

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Richard. His name had been Richard. Fourth cohort, legacy of Apollo. Just shy of his fifteenth birthday according to his record. Too young. Sometimes Remus hated his job, hated even being Roman. It was a hard life for anyone, and things like this, like Richard, made it all the worse. He signed his name on Richard Hathoway’s missing person report and slid it into his file folder with a heavy sigh. Dead? With Saturn? Who knows. The boy could be anywhere. He just wasn’t here. Not that here was much an improvement, what with the impending war and all its effects, but at least the people here were accounted for. That was something, right? For the sake of his sanity, he had to believe that much.

Remus rubbed his temples and closed his eyes. Find something happy to think about. Something happy. When he was in these sorts of moods, not even fighting and training could lift his mood. In fact, they seemed only to lower it, reminding him that he couldn’t escape who he was, his nature, whatever the Fates had in mind for him. He did have one thing he could still cling to though: his fiancé. He and Felicity had been through so much, good and bad. With this war coming, it seemed like Saturn was once again trying to drive a wedge between them, though. But he was determined not to let it work. Not again. Not ever again. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he needed her. She reminded him that he was human, and she loved him for the vulnerable man he was underneath the bravado. And that meant the world to him. Though part of him still worried. What if something happened to either of them during this war? What if he never got to see her walking down the aisle toward him? And even if they made it, he knew if they raised a family, their children would be put through the rigors of the Legion just like everyone else, possibly face death just like everyone else. He had thought many a time about leaving New Rome with her, living outside the Legion’s boundaries. Maybe become a police officer like his mom. But there was her background to consider, and he didn’t mean Saturn. He meant her father. Even though they were both capable fighters, he knew the monsters would never leave them alone and the day would come when they would lose. Each other, a child, anyone. No, it was best to stay in New Rome. Besides, she had a job here already, and was seeking an education. She was already getting the hang of life as a New Roman civilian. In that way she was far ahead of him. He had no clue the first thing to expect as a civilian. He’d only ever been a warrior, and eventually, a leader. Would he be able to do it? Sometimes he doubted himself.

The soft creak of the door grabbed his attention away from his abysmal musing. It also grabbed Aurum’s notice, snapping the greyhound to attention, gleaming red eyes staring at the door. Neither Aurum (or Argentum) nor Remus trusted the safety of the principia as much as he used to. But in all truth, it was highly unlikely that Saturn would use the front door. Then he noticed who it really was. Zidane Quinn, his old co-praetor and friend, or at least he still considered him a friend. Speaking of worrying, here was the perfect example of what could go wrong for a Roman soldier. He knew enough about Zidane’s story to know he’d been through Tartarus and back. Perhaps even literally for all he knew. The poor guy. Saturn’s cronies had stolen… well, everything from him. Suddenly, Remus’ worries seemed both trivial and all too real. Trivial because he had so much still to live for. Real because it wouldn’t take much to change that. He stood up as a sign of respect. “Zidane. Please, come in. It’s good to see you. What brings you here? Not that I’m complaining. Is everything alright?” Silly question. From the haunted look that always lurked in Zidane’s eyes, it was easy to tell he was faring far worse than even Josh. And that was saying something.

Tag: Zidane
Word Count: 715
Notes: So I was anxious and depressed and started typing and this just sort of happened… hope it's okay!

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The sense of dread that hung over the camp did little to ease the maelstrom of issues that churned in Zidane's brain. Often times in times of grief or helping a loved one overcome a mental fracture, the ideal environment was one of peace and happiness. At least something that acted as a buffer between the patient and their plight. Unfortunately for the stormy-eyed son of Mercury, there was no where he could go right now that offered that. Except maybe deep enough into his own brain that he could still find shreds of memories of Val being alive and well, and his world not falling apart around him. One could argue that escaping into his own head made things worse, but to Zidane it was all just semantics. The issue he was having lately was that the ramped up anxiety of most of the campers fed into his out-of-control feelings and made him burrow more into himself. At the rate he was going, he'd be liable to become agoraphobic, if the overwhelming desire for vengeance wasn't there every moment to push him on. He could at least be thankful for that.

Maybe the calmness he remembered from the former praetor was what drove him towards the Principia.  Maybe it was just a resurgence of an old habit. He couldn't be sure what drove him, really, but there he was. As he had pushed the door open, he'd caught the briefest glimpse of the praetor with a look on his face that made Zidane's on ratchet up to new levels. There was doubt, and a sadness, but it vanished quickly as the stormy-eyed boy had caused the door to make a noise. He could still see the tiredness in Remus' eyes, but they had shuttered the other feelings he'd seen, in. Still, it made him shiver as if he were cold, and it had caused him to miss it when Remus started to speak. He jumped as he heard Remus' voice, but gathered himself up and gave a bland smile, knowing he hadn't had much of a chance to speak with Remus since he had returned from his disastrous trip.

He had the mind to look vaguely guilty has he responded softly. "Remus. I'm... Sorry if I'm disturbing you from your work. I just... Honestly I'm not sure how I ended up here." He grimaced, then continued. "Since I am though, I guess I was... Wondering how you're doing. I can feel the sense of dread around here like a suffocating blanket. I know that can't be easy, weighing on you." He simply ignored the question about everything being okay, because they both knew he didn't have an acceptable answer to that. Once more, he managed a bland smile, meant to be reassuring that he was at least mostly present at this point in time.

Tag: Remus
Word Count: 473
Notes: It was really good! Sorry mine is a little shorter, Zidane doesn't have much that makes sense to muse over at the moment. xD


 

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Zidane’s smile was as dead as the look in his eyes. Remus’ once fellow praetor needed help, and that was putting it lightly. But how to help? Perhaps he should bring Robin in on it. Even though his own visit the psychologist had been nothing short of disastrous and had made him miserable for a long while after, he had heard more success stories from the son of Venus than, well, stories like his. It was worth a shot, right? Though admittedly he was a little hesitant. Zidane’s was a fragile case. The last thing Remus wanted to do was to hurt him more. If only he knew what had really happened to his friend. Not that he was about to ask. No, that would be beyond rude to drag his sad story into the light. Maybe someday he would trust him with it, but Remus wasn’t going to force the matter. He wasn’t heartless.

He shook his head. “Nah, not disturbing. I was hardly paying attention to my work anyway, to be honest. It gets a little monotonous after a while.” Aurum padded over and sniffed at Zidane’s shoes, probably trying to assess where he’d been. For automatons, they seemed to act so much like real dogs. So much so that the two had indeed become quite close to him over the last three years. Even to the point where he’d asked that girl Nova if she would create an automaton for him when he retired after the war. Hopefully Felicity wouldn’t mind having a dog. He should probably bring that up with her. Though if he remembered correctly, she seemed to like Aurum and Argentum, so that was promising, right? But back to business at hand. He shrugged. “You’re welcome here any time you like, Zidane.”

How he was doing? That seemed ironic that Zidane should be worried about him. Though he felt a little… touched that he was. He was one of few. Especially given how much he had on his over-full plate already. Or maybe he was worrying about other people as a way to not think about his own self-worry. Remus had to admit that was one of the benefits of worrying about others such as Josh or Zidane: one tended to lose sight of what was worrying oneself. He shrugged. “As well as I can be doing, I suppose. Last war I was a centurion, now I’ll be a praetor. I’m nervous, sure, but who wouldn’t be? Even with my dad ruling over war, I still don’t really like it. But I’m ready to do my part to protect everyone.” Okay, so he might be putting on some of his old facade, but not by much. He knew he could trust Zidane. “Would you… like some tea or anything? Coffee?”

Tag: Zidane
Word Count: 466
Notes: hope this works… muse just kind of left towards the end.

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Zidane found that putting his arms around himself made him feel a little less fragile, like he could hold himself together better than other times. He could even make it look like he was folding his arms, though he looked a little more hunched and closed in than someone who would just be doing it from reflex. It was not usual for a demigod with so much personality to just cave in the way he looked, but it was more and more common in the time of war. War broke people, though it also made some stronger. Tempered by hadesfire, he’d heard once. But in spite of his own feelings of hopelessness, he still was curious and concerned about a man he considered a good friend to him, even after everything. Sometimes pieces of his former self fell into place, but it was a very, very slow process. And even still, he thirsted for bloodshed in a way he never used to. The brokenness also leant a wildness.


But that was another thing best left for later examination. He regarded the other man quietly as he spoke, trying to focus. “I’m glad I’m not disturbing you. I know things are probably… Pretty busy right now.” He blushed a little bit from his embarrassing understatement of things, but he didn’t know what else to say. He kicked the floor with his toes, scuffing it a little, but his smile came to life just a little bit when Remus told him he was still welcome whenever he wanted. It was an unexpected trigger, but it made him feel a tiny flutter of happiness, which was strange. “Thanks. I’m…glad.” Again, another awkward phrasing, but he was blundering right now because social contact for him lately was still weird and kind of hard.


He was aware enough to know that Remus was doing the same thing most people did now when they saw him, especially if they knew him personally before he disappeared; which was looking him over, seeing if he was any more mentally sound than he was when he’d arrived back and flew into that terrifying frenzy and had to be restrained when he’d heard about…that. His mind would not let him go any further with that thought and clamped down. He swallowed hard, but stayed present, clenching his fists a little. But, this was normal, and something told him Remus’ concern was not for his own safety, but for Zidane’s actual wellbeing. “I believe you,” he said quietly. “I know you’ll be the best leader this camp has in this war. Your father’s gifts I’m sure will be… useful. And you always were more noble about things like war than I was. You had the courage to stay here while I… Ran off for a solution.” His smile faded a little and his expression turned more self-depricating, but he worked not to spiral into that emotion right now and instead focused on tea. “Tea would be lovely…” He lapsed into silence, as if thinking.


Tag: Remus

Word Count:503