Useless Me [Gunnar]

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Laughing of all kinda could be heard through the room, and the halls from young to old. It was the sound of little kids screaming in joy, and people having fun being together. Tessa let out a boisterous laugh, which she promptly tried to cover with her hands. Trying to make it a bit quieter, a bit more feminine. It shook her from head to toe. Jason was beside her, enjoying the day. His arm wrapped around her in a bit of a hug, along with trying to scoot her away from Remus who was at her right. His playful comments about how Tessa was his niece and Remus wasn't allowed to have her as a little sister. Taunting at the table of his possessiveness. Remus on the other side laughing at his co-praetor, and Tessa telling them it was alright. She was sharable. Quiet as always Gunnar swept up from behind the three stooges, bringing Tessa into his seat at the table behind them. His arm wrapped around her in an assertive hug. Jason demanded she be put back, Gunnar stuck his tongue out at him and Tessa simply laughed holding onto Gunnar's warm arms.

Lilith sat in front of Tessa, her sweetest smile on as Ethan jabbered away strange jokes and carried on in a loud joyful voice. A beautiful ring on her finger, it was like a part of Lilith's hand now, she never took it off. But sometimes rubbed it always knowing it was there. It seemed to make her smile much wider, her laughs more jubilant. That's what Ethan did for her. Tessa and Jason made a few comments aloud about them, and it made Lilith go a little red in the face. Gunnar whispered in her ear how there was no way to replace her. How no one in the world could ever replace her and she was happy. Her family loved her, and as a medic she became indispensable. As a centurion she was irreplaceable. With a real place she felt secure she could hold onto these people forever. With her abilities she would be able to stay with them forever.

The food came out, along with a very loud Ryan. Not to mention the bubbles that seemed to follow in his wake. He exclaimed about how he knew everyone just needed some food to stop fighting, and grinned that wide silly gin. A plate smashed, and suddenly Tessa' eyes flicked open to stare at a plain white ceiling. Right. Just a dream, she could hear her heart monitor, along with Rhiannon's. The infirmary had started putting extra people into the rooms, and using cots in the main hall for people with minor injuries. They let demigods with scrapes and scratches go, they let the ones with shallow wounds leave. If you could do your daily training without difficulty, you weren't forced to stay in the infirmary. They didn't have enough room for everyone, and thanks to the medics in the mobile unit there was a lot more injured, and a lot less dead.

Trying to sit up she flinches, the muscles around her broken ribs still needed to move. She needed to use them, though it hurt. Her right arm was in a cast, nothing too bad considering she was left handed. They wouldn't let her have her work though. Lilith told her it was being taken care of. Tessa leaned back with a slight drop that hurt her ribs more. This wasn't a dream world, here she was very replaceable. Remus told her she was like a little sister he didn't have, calmer, less inclined to punch. Jason took her under his wing and called her family. Even if in this camp parental relation meant to little. Except perhaps to Mors' family line.

Her arms crossed over her face, cast and all, she covered her eyes. They began to burn, and sting. What good was she doing here? In bed, simply laying here. Josh hardly left Rhiannon's side, even after she had been a traitor. Would anyone do that for her? Not without her hard work. Not without her doing everything she could. Even if Nick told her otherwise, even if Remus told her she saved lives, she felt like she was loosing everything. No one would care about her again. She was being a burden again. There was no Wolf House to ship her off to this time, so where would the people she loved send her? Silent tears soaked into the cloth surrounding her cast.

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Sleep eluded the tall boy as he sat guard over his dear Tessa. Gunnar hadn't been in the major part of the battle, no. He worked closely with Lord Mercury, someone he thought of to be almost family as it would seem that Ukki had a soft spot for the God of Thieves, travelers and technology. Gunnar had run informations from behind enemy lines to the front that was Camp Jupiter. It was an honor to work along side both Lance and Mercury, both were exemplary and stellar people. The latter was a true god in every sense of the word. So he had a mischievous streak a mile long and a tongue so silvered that it probably had its' own insurance policy. He had been able to go days with a few quick minutes of sleep here and there, the force of his parent's training, well to say the least it prepared him to do this. Whatever it took, he would do everything in his power to make sure that the information he had retrieved was worth it's weight. Bad information was just as detrimental and destructive as death tearing through camp. It was as if he was thinking about his great-uncle (was that the correct word). Loose lips sink ships. That's what they said about getting through the German defenses back in the day.

Gunnar had stepped out to gather up some food, both for himself and for his beloved Tessa. A few other things to occupy her while she was otherwise indisposed. If he had his way, he would have spirited her off to one of his apartments where he would lock her up and force her to rest because Olympus only knew what she would try to do if someone didn't restrain her. Not that he could talk himself, he probably would have gone crazy. Well if the time when Lilith nearly killed him was any indication, at least Tessa was kind enough to furnish him with some things to keep him occupied. But after requisitioning some supplies, Gunnar stepped through the shadows and into the room where Warlow and his own Tessa were staying. She was sobbing, and it pulled at his heart strings. If he had a heart, that is. He didn't like to see the only one to accept the monster that he was, crying. He hated to see grown men cry, especially when it's a girl.

Gently, he tried to pull away the hands from her face and took her chin gently in his own hands. "My dear, if you cry and fill up your pretty eyes with tears, how will you be able to find Waldo for me?" He produced three Where's Waldo books. They might have been for children, but he wasn't sure what else to get her to keep her occupied. Well there were some medical books, some crossword puzzles, a sketchbook and pencils, a sudoku, some of his favorite novels, even some of her yarn for knitting if she felt like she could accomplish that. "I brought you some food my dear, some home made French onion soup with bread, some shepherds pie from london, the finest fish and chips, what ever you want, what ever your desire is, just ask and I shall retrieve it." He said tenderly to her.

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Certainly when Gunnar was in the infirmary she was worried about him. She had even set up a makeshift desk so she could at least be there with him, even if she was busy doing paperwork. She just wanted to be there with him. She wished she could do that with Jason, and Nova. Instead she was in a room with Rhiannon. If Gunnar wasn't there she'd try and make it out of her room. Try to go see them. To work. Do something, anything. Though she'd always get dragged back to her room, and Gunnar had shown up with a rather large box of Avengers duck tape one day. She didn't want to be taped down. It was strange how long it felt like he was gone, how long it felt like she had been in there. Time stretched to be far to long when her mind constantly reminded her of all the things she should be doing. All the things she needed to do.

No. She needn't do anything. She wasn't needed. Kyle had taken temporary control over the infirmary while she was healing. Lilith was checking on her at least every hour to make sure she was okay. Nick was the first to visit her when she woke up, and told her about Lilith. Gunnar. Nova. He told her how they worried, and she felt a bit happy to have them care. Scared that if she didn't get up, get going to do something to make them like her she'd end up as nothing again. Nick had tried to convince her other wise. Remus had tried to convince her a little bit that she wasn't easily replaceable as a person. She was though. She saw it with her own eyes. The memory always brought a bit of panic to her, especially as she lay in the bed, away from the people she cared about.

A small tug on her arms pulled them away from her face. Her eyes were a bit red and swollen, and her lip trembled but she had managed not to make a sound save for her breathing. Years at camp as a mute had been good practice. There was the person she wanted to see most, but she had also wanted him to see her the least. She knew better than to struggle, her arm broken and fractured along the radius and ulna bones. His hands a bit rough on her skin as he had her look up at him. She gave a bit of a laugh at his words, not on purpose. She was trying to be quiet, but they came out by themselves. Along with a smile. That was part of why she loved Gunnar, he was so sweet and funny whither he meant to of not. It was always so funny when he said such lines with a straight face. Though he seemed troubled.

Closing her eyes she took a bit of a breath, her uninjured hand covering part of one of his larger ones. “Sorry. I'll try and help you find him.” Her eyes opened and traveled over to the things he had brought with him. As always, he seemed to have over shopped. It was okay, he didn't have too many people he really cared about and doted on them a bit. “Gunnar...” she said a helpless smile on her lips. “You've gotten a lot of stuff again.” She couldn't stay sad when he was here. So earnest. “Thank you. I'm fine though. I don't need anything.” Just wanting him to stay with her. That was all the wanted, and what she needed most right now. Some assurance that there was someone who would stay with her, even when she couldn't do anything. “Just....a dream...”

That was all it was. All it would ever be. A dream, where everyone was still together and happy. Jason didn't seem like himself when he crawled in. Luckily Josh and Remus had been there, or perhaps that dagger would have hit Rhiannon. Two wars in three years, there were all too young to deal with such a thing. She hoped Clare would be able to calm Jason down. She had started herself bleeding again when she fell to the floor to get to Jason. Not her most graceful moment. The wounds in her shoulders were not healed. She had talked to Lilith about her injuries, confronted Apollo on if he had saved her life or not. Lilith had even suggested Lord Mors had left her soul there on purpose. It was all a little confusing. There were others who died, why was she saved? Where there others saved in the same way? Lilith had said Lord Mors saved her life in the last war. Perhaps it really was how important family was. Lord Mors and Lord Pluto seemed to be the only ones she knew of who invited their own family on outings though. Part of her wanted to talk to Gunnar about it. Her death, or almost death.

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Normally, seeing someone so broken and lost, well being it was part of his job to break people, this was a sight that he was used to seeing. A broken person had a look in their eyes, one that seemingly had lost everything. It was his job to break people. But this one person, this singular person, well to put it bluntly, Gunnar hated to see her look so distressed. Fixing things, that wasn't his specialty. He broke things down, picked them apart, shattered pieces till there was little to nothing left. With Tessa, it was a whole new ball game. He was used to doting upon her but something like this, he wasn't quite sure how to deal with it. Hugs still somewhat creeped him out. His own mother used to hug him and stab him at the same time. He hated feeling helpless. He hated feeling lost. These were emotions that he didn't like. He couldn't just retract back into his shell and be that emotionless jerk that he used to be. He had grown too much as a person. This war, while generally stupid in his opinion seemed to take too much of a toll on people. Yes, he profited from war, mostly amongst mortals, but war amongst the gods, demi-gods and titans, there was little profit to be had and little to gain.

"I was unsure of what to get you, something to expand your mind lest I have to duct tape you to the bed." He said with a laugh. He turned her room into a veritable flower shop. There was nothing that he could do though, to lift her spirits it would seem. "Should I bring you some tea?" Tea was helpful right? Tessa liked tea didn't she? "Maybe one of your blends to help you sleep more easy? or should I make a prayer to Uncle Somnia to help you?" He desperately wanted his Tessa to sleep without horrid dreams. Though the war affected him very little, others were known to bouts of PTSD. There were those that were plagued by horrible nightmares. He wondered how mean Lord Somnia was or if it was something that he could do about. "I want you to be resting. shall I put little lance or even josh in charge of making sure you stay in bed?" He said with a mischevious glint in his own eyes. He was joking but if he had to do it, he wouldn't hesitate. Anything to keep her safe. If he had his way he would have locked her and lyn in a bubble and kept them away from the battle.

"Tell me what troubles you." He stated as he watched her. Her voice seemed to quiver to his ears. She was distressed about something and he wanted to know what it was so he could fix it. He could at least try to fix it. Though he feared that one day his trying to fix stuff would be problematic and actually make things worse than it actually was. He was good at messing things up, good at tearing things down and bringing down governments. Building someone up, well that was an entirely different story. "You can tell me anything you know that right?" He said gently as he sat down beside her bed and kissed her hand with a fondness.

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She did smile a bit with him, though she still felt so lost on the inside. She would loose everything, everyone if she couldn't leave the infirmary. If she couldn't do her job. They'd just leave her. Jason and Lilith got along so well. Lilith and Gunnar had finally started getting along. Of course they would. Lilith had something about her that was so kind and accepting, anyone would be glad to be with her. Tessa knew she had nothing like that. She was a hard worker, and that's what people liked about her. Perhaps her getting things done neatly, perfectly. That's what she had to be, perfect. She couldn't be, and they were starting to figure it out. More and more she was failing. Every death on the battlefield she blamed on herself. If she had trained them better. If she had done something, anything better. That knot in her chest tightened. She had put out field medics trying to save everyone, part of her knew it wasn't possible but she hadn't expected her own medics to die. They were such good people, protecting others. Ryan. She only knew him for a few months, once she started cooking she found him there several times. He helped her, and she got him killed.

"Yeah. I'm sorry." she said looking at the Waldo books, not really looking at them but in their direction. "Lilith threatened to use the restraints last time she found me out of bed." If there was even a second people weren't looking at her, Tessa was probably up trying to walk around. Get to her office. Once she got far enough to pick up her spare gladius in her office. Picking it up made her shoulder bleed, and opened the healing wounds in her chest a little bit. No one was happy with her then. "You've gotten me plenty....I don't want to bother you more." she liked tea. She had her own mugs for tea, and separate mugs for giving people tea since Edmund broke her cute owl mug. There was also the hot chocolate mug, with a place for cookies. She never let anyone but Gunnar use that one. "I.....I have...very good dreams." she said tearing up a little more again, gripping onto the blanket. She didn't want to cry. What kind of Roman cries? Well, to be specific, what kind of Roman would Tessa be if even after everything she did she couldn't even hold herself together to not cry in front of someone?

Lance was the one who hung around Lilith and Nova a lot right? Nova was in the infirmary too. She shook her head at the question. She didn't want to bother them. Didn't want to bother any one, if she couldn't work she just wanted to hide so everyone could forget her instead of being a burden they hated. Though how long they would deal with her as a burden she didn't know. Gunnar was still here. She wondered sometimes when he'd leave her, stop coming to visit at all. His eyes seemed worried, his question. What bothered her. There was so much. She still remembered she almost told him everything once before, but he told her about his own childhood and her feelings paled compared to his. She was just selfish. A selfish brat seeking attention. Glistening green eyes refused to turn and look at him, trying to hide the tears that pushed against them still.

She didn't know if she could really tell him anything, not because of him, but because she didn't know if she could say it. Saying things made them more real. Made you remember. Feeling his gentle lips on her hand sent her over again, she was crying. Not sobbing, but a tear here and there fell down her cheeks. "You'll leave me." she said curling over a little "Everyone I love leaves, I have to work hard. I have to or...." her throat burned, her words came out so soft they were barely audible. The power of her voice cried out all her pain and anguish in those words. Seeking for people to stay.