Musings of the Mind {OPEN}

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 Matilda Blair stood in perfect posture at her position of guarding the tunnel. Not wanting her new found leadership position go to her head, she was the first one to volunteer for this boring task. Not that guarding the tunnel leading into camp was exactly boring, just, well, it was boring. Occasionally someone would wander through on their way back from Lupa but a majority of the time it was just nothingness. It gave her time to think though. She did have a few things on her mind, mainly, her cousin. Nova. Mattie was getting worried about her, and rightly so. Just look at her history if you needed to know why. Mattie knew the signs of depression, her mom struggled with it for years before it finally convinced her mom to take her own life. Not very Roman and she knew people judged her mom, the daughter of Bellona and former lover of Mars on her unhonorable way to die. But they didn't know the full story. They didn't know that her mom wasn't a wimp who gave up, they didn't know that despite being wheelchair bound her mom tried to give Matilda a good childhood and encouraged her and taught her as much as she could and in return Mattie would do silly stuff to make her mom laugh, smile, and be happy to be alive. Each day just got harder for her mom until it was too much. Matilda still remembered the way her mom looked on the bed with the bottle in her hands. Why couldn't she just be sleeping?

Matilda shook her head slightly to get her mind off of those half-decade old memories. She always wondered why they came back so extreme some days. Suppose you never forget your mom, or maybe, who knows. The point was, Mattie wasn't eager to lose another family member. She had lost Valeria not that long ago and now she was worried that depression might have too hard a hold on Nova. Maybe the animal idea would eventually work. Mattie practically ordered Nova to stay out of the forges for a week to try to get her mind off of it. She just didn't want to lose anyone else. Not only was Nova family, but she was one of Matties closest friends. There wasn't as many people her age as there were older so Nova and Kate were pretty much her best friends. So if Nova did succumb to her depression, it would hurt Mattie even more and she wasn't exactly sure she could survive it, no matter how many times Remus offered to take her to get ice cream.

Mattie sighed and leaned against the wall, not exactly in a Roman posture, just a lazy one. Though, who could blame her with the thoughts running wild in her head. Despite having a job to do she couldn't totally clear her mind, blame the ADHD, that was always a good excuse for a demigod to use.

words: 522
notes: Open Mattie thread, because I love her

[Deleted]

Tag: @matilda

Word: 480

Notes: lol hope this is ok XD

Weird it was to feel again so eager to continue, so hyper about a new completed work in the forge... Mattie had told Nova to stay away from the forge for at least a week and she had done it, she had stayed away from the forge, she spent her days in the cohort or around simply pushing her chair around. Shadow, the black cat Mattie showed her in the pet shelter, was on her lap, maybe it liked to be moved around or the heat her legs still provided with, she didn't know but the cat stood with her.

That time off also helped her to think about the ideas that her brothers, Miss Yates, Lance, Kate and Mattie gave her about her chair and that she could arm it. At first she thought they were crazy, but after thinking about it for a long time, she came up with some... ideas, at first seemed to be toddler's drawinga, but then she started working around them, the blue prints suddenly started to flow in her mind, even the idea of Mattie's about a cross bow. Then suddenly she went to the forge just to pick up another notebook she had there and suddenly she found them.

On her work desk were a lot of printings, but she knew the work of those, she had imagined them, the one on the top had been one she had just dreamt with the night before she walked in there, so she smiled widely, she finally found out that all of them were right, she had been so stressed out that her mind simply blocked everything. but in that moment she could listen to them, all of her machines, all her devices, so she knew that they were right, she was still herself, just under a ton of stress.

So being in the forge again, but with a renovated aura, she started checking the plueprints and started working on some of them, mainly the crossbow. She had already asked Kate to teach her how to shoot with one, but she needed to make her own so she could get used to the weight and the tightness of the trigger and the cord when charging it again. She spent then another 18 hours in the forge, this time not depressed or crying, but working hard on it.

It was just a prototype, but it was ready and she knew she needed to show it to the one who gave her the idea of it. "Mattie..." she thought and pushed her chair out of the forge, she looked around and remembered that she had guard that evening. So she went to the tunnel. She was all covered in grease again, dirty clothes and messy hair that once was in a ponytail. but finally she found Mattie. "Mattie!!..." she said in a high pitched slight yell.

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Mattie was lost in her own thoughts, keeping her lazy position of leaning against the wall, not at all in her erect form of guarding. Honestly, if someone saw her in this position she would beat herself up or expect to be reprimanded for slacking on the job. But could you blame her? This was probably a really boring job for a demigod with ADHD. Plus, she could be training right now, or bugging her siblings, manly Remus, he seemed to understand her more. Or bugging her friends, like NOva or Kate. Actually, she wondered if Nova had taken her idea on the wheelchair seriously. The crossbow would make the most sense for her to fight with. She would just have to pull it back and release the trigger. Suddenly Mattie's thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice calling her name.

She tried to stand up straighter, as quickly as she could, to not make it obvious that she was slouching on the job and shot a smile at her friend wheeling into her direction. "Hey Nova! What are you doing out so late?" Mattie asked as she worked on straightening out her armor that had gone slightly askew from her slouching against the hard wall. Even if Nova was her friend she had to look presentable just in case word got out or someone else walked by. She didn't want to disappoint her cohort or the praetors for being lazy, especially not in her newly centurion status, which she still had to thank Remus and Jason for, and probably Clare, did current centurions have a say on who they made their new co-centurions? It would make the most sense but honestly, Mattie had no idea how the entire system worked. Either way, she still needed to thank them. It was honestly an honor to be given the rank at her age when there was people older than her in the cohort.

Yet, she did wonder why her friend was out and about so late. The sun was already starting to fade away, having already set and the stars were starting to peek out. Apollo's job was done and now it was Diana's turn. Mattie always wondered whether or not those two actually got a break because when it was day in one place, it was night in another and it just went in a continuous loop. Eh, sometimes it hurt to think of modern science and then of the religion they believed at the same time. It must work for them somehow. Either way, she was impressed by their hard work. That was something that made her proud to be a Roman, their hard working attitude that was found not only in the demigods, but the immortals as well.

words: 463
notes: Bit shorter but I hope you enjoy ^_^

[Deleted]

Tag: @matilda

Word: 408

Notes: it's ok, mine are short too.

Nova smiled at her friend with a wide smile, something that hadn't happened on her for a long time, not even a good wide smile since she woke up and found out that her legs weren't moving at all. But in that moment she was smiling, She knew she had worried Mattie and she also knew it wasn't fair. Mattie didn't deserve to worry about Nova, not for the reasons she had been worrying about her. So she was smiling there with her, yes!! and she would smile again, like before and maybe even more, she just needed a push... well a big push like the one Mattie, Kate and Lance gave her, all of them in their very particular ways.

"I needed you to see it first!" she said and then took the cross bow from under her seat and showed it to Mattie. it wasn't finished yet, at least not in the ways that Nova could imagine that it could be done and finished. Still Mattie had to see it, she had to see that she was working on what they talked about, she had to see that she was really trying to get off that hole of depression that had been holding her deep in the darkness for the past months. "See? I'm working on the cross bow and I wanted you to see it!" She said and pushed her chair a bit closer, just a bit more.

Then she realized on Matties second question, she was right, it was late, maybe carefew was already there and she would have to be in her cohort, but she didn't really care about it in that moment, she was happy, maybe for the firt time... well not really she got happy when Lance told her he liked her the way she was no matter the chair, he liked the girl inside. Then Mattie with her strong words also made her happy beyond imagination. so she was lucky to have them three. "I know it's kind of late, but I was working in the forge and you know how much I can lost track of time in that place." she grinned at her friend hopeing that Mattie wouldn't get mad at her, no matter she called a guard to send her to her cohort, she would go happily. That night nothing could make her feel sad, nothing as long as her small universe didn't change again so soon.

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Mattie raised an eyebrow. What did Nova mean she wanted her to see it first? Though, before she even had time to verbally express the question Nova had already brought out the crossbow. Mattie's lips stretched into a wide grin and she couldn't hide her excitement and happiness for her friend. Not because she was happy about a weapon, well, weapons were still awesome and all, but it meant that Nova was trying. Gods, it was good to finally see that. Mattie was starting to lose hope, feeling that same companion feeling of hopelessness that had happened when she could do nothing to stop her mothers death and then the feeling of helplessness when she found out Valerie had died. She didn't want anything drastic to happen to Nova so she was thinking overtime on that one and when she had no idea on how to even help the legion anymore since she couldn't fight Mattie's brain went right to the crossbow, not exactly Roman, but it's been used by other great empires and helped win them countless wars.

"Oh my gods, Nova!" She ran up closer to get a good look. "Did you make it yourself? The craftsmanship is amazing, I bet even Mars and Bellona wouldn't complain to having a crossbow in such a great condition like this one. You're so freaking talented." Seriously though, the crossbow was good and Mattie couldn't wait to finally see it in action. Maybe once Nova finished it all up they could go to the archery range together and test out the accuracy. It would be amazing! At least Mattie hoped it would be.

At the statement Nova said in response to why it was so late Mattie just shrugged. This was a special occasion, she was fairly certain no one would say anything too big on the fact curfew was coming up soon and that Nova was out on her own. It wasn't like either of them were probatios. Heck, Mattie was a centurion and, while she may be a stickler for rules, enjoyed her friends company. "Yeah, you guys need clocks or something in there. You all get too focused in on your work." Mattie said with a slight laugh before continuing. "Besides, I won't tell anyone you're out this late if you don't tell anyone that I'm letting the rules slide on this one. Don't want to lose the centurion title within the first few months." Mattie said with another laugh. Because honestly, she was glad to have Nova as a friend and it was always a good time whenever she was aroudn.

words: 441
notes: Sorry about the wait!!

[Deleted]

Tag: @matilda

Word: 454

Notes: don't worry! *hugs*

Nova handed the crossbow to her best friend, hoping that the daughter of Mars would like the selected weapon. And her reaction didn't disappointed her at all, she looked at Matty's eyes, her smile while she was checking and double-checking the crossbow. Nova could tell that Matty was happy, she didn't know if the built of the weapon made her happy or maybe the fact that she wa finally out of the forge on her own and not pushed or dragged by her or by Kate, or Lance... Poor Lance, he had been the one always in the foge, every single day, checking that Nova ate at least once a day, bringing funny stuff to make her smile, reminding her that she was still the girl that was so special for him, with or without running around. She would have to go and talk to him too... he had already a lot of responsabilities, he didn't need to worry about her too!

Nova grinned when Matty asked if she had made it all by herself. She nodded and smiled remembering all the blue prints and the books she had read about it! "yes, I did! I..." Smiled with a nice new shine in her eyes, as if life had gotten back to her small body, she was happy and eager to live again! "I made my laptop and my devices work again..." She smiled, after almost a month of having no control or contact with machines and technological devices, one morning she woke up and looked at her robots, small robots as Barbie and Ken dolls. She spent 2 hours trying to make them move and finally after that time she made them wake up again, she felt them in her head and felt the electricity from them. she had been so happy! After thatt her laptop and other devices were easy stuff. She had checked the crossbow blueprints and books online.

"I could check how to make a crossbow there! It was easy after that! you were right!..." Well Matty and Lance and Kate, also Jason and Ronan and Edmund... Everyone had been right! She only needed to take some time, breath, sometimes to relax and stop wrying about this or that, just about healing, both in body and in spirit and it had finally had worked! "I just needed to give my body some time." She smiled at her friend. "maybe we'll do some special clocks to kick us out of the forge at certain hours! " then she smiled and shooked her head. "I would never do something to get you in troubles! Among my down moment did I tell you how proud of you I am?" She smiled at her friend.

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Matilda couldn't help but keep the smile on her face. She was so happy things had gotten better for Nova. She finally was able to tap into her powers again, she knew how much that was killing her inside. Gods, it hurt Mattie to see her friend in such a depressed state and feeling powerless to do anything about it. It had to be the worst feeling in the world, not being able to help someone. Just like how she felt powerless after the war and she saw how hurt everyone was, and not just physically, but mentally. She saw how much pain her brother went through and she couldn't do anything to help him but to try to keep a happy face and make his day better in any way a little sister could.

"Nova, I'm so happy for you. Your powers are working and you made such a great crossbow. Have you tried it out yet at all?" Because if not, that was definitely something the two of them would have to do. "And duh, see, told ya so. You should listen to me more often. I'm obviously a genius." Mattie said jokingly followed by a laugh. She was just being a good friend with one of her closest friends. They joked around, granted it had been hard to joke around Nova lately because she would always get depressed or couldn't stop and it just made Mattie hurt. When everyone seemed to be going through things she just find life more difficult and found herself training more. At least after the war she had Clare to talk to, things seemed extremely happy on her end. A good break from all the depressing stuff that happened after the war.

What Nova said next made Mattie tilt her head to the side. "No, I didn't think I did anything lately for anyone to be proud of." Mattie said. True, she had become centurion after the war but that didn't seem like a big accomplishment. A lot of the spots were vacant due to the fallen in the war and besides, she was only in the fourth cohort. No one great had come from there. The current praetors had been in the top two cohorts, her siblings were all in the first cohort, or were. Why was she where she was. Didn't she do good enough during her probatio period? Did she really suck that much? That was stuff that went through her head but never had the guts to question the decision of anything. Maybe that was why she was where she was, she could never stand up for her own self, she didn't have the confidence to voice her opinion.

words: 458
notes: Sorry about the wait!!

[Deleted]

Tag: @matilda

Word: 419

Notes: sorry short

The wind was still blowing around the two girls, it was a s if some aerial was there playing with their hair and making their cheeks went red due the cool air. Nova didn't mind that, in fact was a good change from the Forge. Finally after a very long time she enjoyed going out again, she just realized about it in that moment. It was nice to be out there, to feel the wind and to see Mattie's smile. Nova knew that she had hurt her friend in ways that were not nice, well in fact hurting others was never nice, but for Nova, remembering the sad, worried look in Mattie's eyes when she looked at her while Nova had been in that deep hole of negative feelings, had been one of the worst things she had done in her life. Mattie, Kate and Lance were her best friends and... she hurt them deeply by being so stubborn and depressed about what had happened. 

"Really? so it is a good job?" she smiled a bit more, she had thought that no matter what she would do, she would never be able to work well again with her hands or her skills, but Mattie's smile told her different. Mattie knew weapons and their design, their complex work and she would be the one who would be able to tell her if it was well done or not, and she approved it! "Well, no... I haven't gone and practice with it. I wanted to show it to you first, besides I finished it just minutes ago, before I came to show you! I was going to show it to Kate and Lance tomorrow." she said smiling again, you could say grinning, that old happy and hopeful smile was again on her face, the old Nova was coming back, or better... a new and stronger Nova was being created and computed, which was good.

Then Mattie said that and Nova knit her brows and twisted her lips a bit. "Excuse me?!" she asked and shook her head. Mattie was centurion, 14 of age, just as Lance and before them two Remus. it was impressive! it was something that other campers, not only other already centurions, dreamed with! "Mattie!, you are centurion! I am very proud of you! that is something that not everyone has accomplish in their lives! Besides that, you are an amazing friend and sister! I'm proud of you, not really your title, but you! why wouldn't you be?"

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She couldn't stop the excitement of the possibility of seeing the mechanism in action though. True, while most people might just be happy that Nova was getting better Mattie wanted to see her at a hundred percent and she was also curious about th craftsmanship put into the weapon and how well it worked. "Okay, then right after you show them you have to let me see you try it out, please? You know me and weapons, I love them. I want to see your brilliant craftsmanship at work. Please, Nova, please." Mattie said with a bit of a whine in her voice as she gave Nova her best convincing pout that she use to work on Remus when she was younger in order to get free ice cream or time with her older brother.

Then came the backlash of what she had previously said. It was just Mattie saying what she felt was the truth, her own opinion of herself. She couldn't met Novas face as she shouted confidence at her. It was hard to really accept those words. She hadn't felt like she did anything. She became Centurion, yeah, but as said before, it's just the fourth cohort, she didn't understand her low ranking. Plus all the older people she had talked to have done amazing things in their time at camp. Heck, she loved to hear about the last quest that was taken but was annoyed at how a little ten year old got to go while she had to stay back at camp. It was bothering her. She wanted to prove herself, make Bellona and Mars proud of their descendant. But in order to do that she needed the opportunity and it never seemed to show up for her. The fates must have hated her immensely.

Mattie smiled at Novas words and gave a shrug. "I don't know, too much time to think on the job I suppose. Having the mind wander can be both a pleasure or a pain. But thanks, Nova, I really needed to hear that." Mattie said and it was truthful, but it was what her mind wandered about a lot so it wasn't just spontaneous for the day. Mattie wouldn't admit to that today, not when Nova came out so happy and excited with good news. Mattie was proud of her and her route to feeling better and would gladly help her out till the end of days. Not only was Nova her friend, but they were also family.

words: 425
notes: Sorry about the wait!!