Crash, Crash, Burn {Remus}

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She felt out of place. She wanted to turn around and leave. She felt sick to her stomach. No. Felicity took a deep breath and kept the light hood of her jacket over her hair and face to the ground. It had only been five minutes since she left the villa in Sicily at night and entered into the afternoon of Camp Jupiter. She knew what she had to do, and that was just what she was planning on doing. She had to confront her choices, which, yes, she knew they weren't the best of ones and how she never took any forethought to any of the matters. Probably why Prometheus would always show up and ask her about her choices. He had forethought, maybe she could sign up for lessons or something. The thought amused her a bit as she imagined the old Titan in front of a classroom full of demigods who constantly made wrong choices. It was a bit humorous. But yet, she knew putting some thought to her choices now would benefit everyone in the long run.

The vision Apollo had given her still was fresh in her mind, despite it being months old. The prospect of her being a monster if she kept it all up. Yet, she took the first step to fixing things when she went to Apollo's villa. Yeah, at first that wasn't the original intention but talking things out with him and being surrounded by the calming atmosphere had given her time to reflect and it ultimately helped bring her to the decision to come back. Her and Apollo had had a hard talk about that and he asked her hard questions over the matter, which Felicity think she answered well, at least his reaction of kissing her seemed to give the impression she had. Then she had to talk it out with Discordia, who seemed to understand, possibly, but Felicity needed to thank her for everything she had down for her the past few months too. Despite her reputation, Discordia was like another mother figure for Felicity, though she was surprised about what she said about Edmund. She would have to be sure to talk to him about it. He was second on her "To-talk to first list". First name on the list, Remus Stone.

Each step brought her closer to the principia, to the conversation she was dreading. No, she wasn't expecting anything to go back to normal between them. She wasn't expecting anything from him, anger, probably. Felicity knew he was moving on, she had her sources and she had tried to too, with Apollo, but it was difficult. She took another deep breath. This was a formal meeting with the person in charge, that's all. No it wasn't, this was a meeting with someone you hurt countless times and despite how you regretted it, you just let him suffer. Thanks, brain, for the lovely reminder.

Finally, Felicity found her feet on the steps of the ever familiar Principia. How many times had she practically ran up these and burst through the principia doors to hug Remus and pull him away from his work? Too many times to count. Yet, it was all in the past. This wasn't a fun visit. This was a serious one. She was going to explain to him, everything. Every last detail of why she left and what she was doing. Yes, the Apollo bit she was still debating on, but it would be better if she just let it all out at once instead of the subject coming to his ears through someone else further down the line. No, she wasn't going to lie to him anymore, starting now. Even if he never wanted to see her again, if he ever need to ask her something, she wouldn't lie. He at least deserved that much now.

Felicity knocked on the principia door, out of courtesy, before pulling it open and letting herself in. The only thought that when through her mind as she entered was what would she do if he was with Eve right now? That would really hurt, she wouldn't attack or anything, probably find some awkward way to leave and just find Edmund and see if his friend wanted to scream at her. "Remus...?" Felicitiy said, her voice a little quieter than before. She cleared her throat. "Remus, it's me, Felicity. I've uh... I came back... and I know you wanted to know why. Um.. if you're busy, I can come back later. Just, yeah..." Good job Felicity, way to make a great re-first impression. She pulled the hood down from her jacket and shoved her hands into her pockets. This was it. The explanation.

words: 804
notes: Hope this works ^_^ Also, you DO NOT have to reach that at all o-o Also, the title is thanks to my muse song "Hurricane" by thirty seconds to mars

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Remus sat at his desk, tapping a pen on the top as he read a particularly boring and detailed report. Someone complaining about someone else because apparently the second person liked to listen to their iPod at night before going to sleep and it was too loud and of course – totally sarcastic – this needed to be brought directly to the praetors in its three-page detailed report glory instead of taking it up with the centurions or even just the other person. No, this was urgent. Probably should go before the entire senate, this one. Though maybe this kid could get some leniency if at least the iPod has a legion purple case. Yes, he was being ridiculously sarcastic right now. It was rather pointless, but it got his mind off things. And there were so many things on his mind. So, so many. He may as well have bought stock in the makers of Advil lately for all the tension headaches he was getting. Maybe he’d go find Eve and see what she was up to. Make sure she was getting along okay now that it was officially Autumn and the weather was starting to turn. Or Mattie, to make sure she wasn’t getting too easy a time without him hassling her (in a loving way). Or something. Jason was so lucky. From what he understood from snooping, he had left camp (again) with Clare (again) to get costumes for the Halloween party. Speaking of which, he really should go find Eve and see if she would go with him.

Then there came a knock at the door. He looked up and stopped tapping on the desk. Argentum sat up from where he was lying on the ground and fixed his glowing eyes on the door. The door opened. And he recognized the voice that came from behind it, quickly followed by the face. He froze. It was her. A chill went down his spine and he wasn’t sure why. Ever since he’d found out she was alive, he’d been horribly torn. And hurt. Oh, so hurt. Seeing her again in real life just seemed to amplify all of those feelings. “Felicity…” He set his pen down. “Well, I must say, I wasn’t sure you’d actually come back. So that’s something. And no, I’m as good as free right now. I’ve been trying to figure out what you’ve been doing all this time. Unless after all we’ve been through you’ve come to the conclusion that it’s fun to intentionally shatter me, because that’s what it looks like from my angle. But by all means, say your piece.” Okay, so that was a little harsh. He was upset. He didn’t like treating her that way, but the little voice in the back of his head tried to convince him that she deserved it after all she’d put him through, especially when this last and biggest stunt was on purpose.

Tag: Felicity
Word Count: 488
Notes: choo-choo here comes the feels train to run us over o.o

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So much for hello. If it was possible to stab someone with words, Remus was giving a fine example. But no, Felicity wasn't going to just crumple in front of him. She expected this. She had tried to mentally prepare herself for the extreme worst case scenarios. Yes, the prospect hurt her and make her cringe. She hated the tone in Remus's voice. Not because she thought it was rude, but because it hurt, gods, it hurt so much, but she also knew he had a reason to use that tone. Ha! What would she do in his shoes, probably be just as stern, if not worse. So she stood there. She tried to keep her face blank but her eyes gave her away, they showed the hurt and regret she was feeling but she refused to put Remus in an worse situation by seeing how she was actually feeling on the inside. No, he probably wouldn't even care anymore. She had probably hurt him one too many times.

She took a deep breath, that came out a bit too shaky. "I promised in the IM that I would come back." To the other bit he said, how would she respond. She wanted to yell at him for being an idiot for thinking that, but c'mon, what right did she have to say that? If she truly loved him she wouldn't have let him see her "die" in the middle of war, even if she did it for him. To make it angry, use the Mars blood to give the final push and win the war with the least amount of causalities. It made sense in her head and it did work. "Remus... I, it's complicated. I'm sorry, gods, I'm so sorry. I know what I lost by doing this, okay. You don't need to make it worse." Perhaps not the best thing to say, he had all the reason in the world to attack her verbally and show her just how angry and hurt he had been. But before he would have time to say anything about that she begun her explanation.

"I died so that you would win the war, with the least amount of casualities. I know how Mar's children act when angry and I figured I needed you to get really angry, super extremely angry at the other side. What better way than for me to die? So, I asked Discordia for help to put it together. I did actually get stabbed, but she healed me and took replaced my body. We went to Europe and I started training under her direction. I ... I was using those shadow powers I promised you I wouldn't use. The one where I could squeeze ...." Felicity took a breath there, the images of the faces of inmates she had killed accidentally coming up real fast. "Yeah, that one. Um, so she had me practice on inmates on death row, some were lucky, others....not so much. But then, I kept beating myself up for what I did. Gods, I thought about you everyday and hated my decision but thought it would hurt too much to come back, thats why I never did. And then, things happened, I was always running from monsters and I had a close call with one and Apollo found me and he healed me and saw how distressed I was and took me to his villa in Sicily, that's where I was when you IM'd me. I was there for awhile. It helped me clear my head and decide my choices and Apollo tried to help me. He didn't want me to become a monster but he knew I was becoming one and that I never wanted to come back because you had moved on with Eve, of all people, really? Sorry, that was uncalled for. Sorry. But, he tried to help me move on from you... but he wanted me to come back. And then the IM, so yeah... thats, yeah, thats the story. Remus, if you have any questions, I'll answer honestly. I swear it on the styx. You deserve that much, after everything I put you through. Gods, I'm sorry, honestly." Felicity finished, looking at him, her face portraying just how sorry she was. "I don't expect anything to go back to how it was but... just know, I'm sorry. And, if you're happy now.... I'm happy for you." Felicity added before looking away from him, no longer feeling confident about keeping her composure as she found an interest in the ground.

words: 764
notes: again, you don't have to match.

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Remus nodded. “Right, sorry. Of course.” His tone wasn’t convinced though. How many times had she broken a promise? But still. He took a deep breath. “Sorry, you’re right. I should have trusted you.” Part of him felt bad for the way he was talking to her, but the other part told him she had had it coming anyway. And at her words, the different sides of his mind just duked it out even more. Well, apparently you don’t know because you did it anyway, once side said. I’m sorry; please forgive me. I still care about you is all, that’s why it hurt so badly. Please forgive me, the other said. He opened his mouth to try and say something, anything, but she jumped right into her explanation, cutting off his attempts. He supposed he should at least be grateful for her not forcing him to side with one part of himself over the other.

Where to even begin? She had died to win them the war. He supposed he couldn’t fault her for that even if it had more or less killed him. It had all been an act. He could barely wrap his mind around that one. He’d seen her die. He’d been there. It had been probably the worst moment in his life. Or close to it. Learning she was still alive and just avoiding him entirely had hurt pretty badly too. And now that he learned she had been practicing those inhumane powers she had discovered and promised him she wouldn’t use? Well that was just a smack in the face. He sighed, but didn’t interrupt. And she had actually killed people with it… how pleasant. His fia-… Felicity was a murderer. Sure, she had killed in battle, last summer, three years ago, but those were different. Then again, at least she was aware of what she was doing and wasn’t hunky dory with it. She didn’t brush it off as nothing. She thought it would hurt him too much to come back? He nodded slightly. “Sure it hurts, but I would have given anything to see you again… I didn’t like finding out on my own terms instead of from you.”

He raised an eyebrow when she started randomly questioning his life choices. Really? She was wondering why he would go with someone like Eve when she had just-… no, never mind. Yeah, she better be sorry. And judging from the look in her eyes, she was indeed. He sighed and looked at his pen on his desk. He couldn’t meet her eyes. The eyes he’d gotten lost in a hundred times. The eyes he’d gazed into when he’d asked for her hand in marriage. The eyes he’d once hoped would be the last thing he saw this side of the Underworld. But those days were gone now. Weren’t they? If he was happy now. But was he? Was he really? He had been doubting that since he heard that she was alive. It wasn’t fair to Eve, but it was true. He’d been pretty much beating himself up inside since then. “Thanks. I, um… I guess there’s only one question I have. What are you planning on doing now that you’re back? Or is this only a visit?” Part of him really hoped it wasn’t just a visit…

Tag: Felicity
Word Count: 555
Notes: yeah, nowhere near yours

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Felicity knit her eyebrows at his words. Maybe it would have been better for her to at least send a message to him but then what? He would question a whole bunch of why and honestly, there wasn't ever enough time in Iris Message to say what she had just said to him, and for it to be truthful. It was so much easier to lie when you weren't actually looking at the person you were lying to. She supposed that was another reason why she waited this long too. She had been lying to herself and falling deeper into darkness than ever before. Hiding away from everyone, doing monstrous acts. Gods, it was a wonder she could even feel like her old self. Guess that was where she would have to thank Apollo. He came in and took her away at the perfect time.

She took a deep sigh at his question and was silent for a moment. Her father had practically told her to stay and live with what happened. Heck, he even got her an apartment already. She still needed to see the place. She had the address but hadn't actually been inside. She was going to save that for after her meeting with Remus and if she was lucky enough to find him, the son of Vulcan, Edmund. But still, Apollo highly recommended her to come back too. Less chance of her to become a monster. So find, maybe she will stay, for now. Maybe she'll find something to eventually keep her around, but at the moment nothing looked promising. Better start taking bets now on how long she'll stick around because she didn't even know herself.

"I don't know. It depends on if I find something to keep me around I guess." Felicity said with a shrug, looking at the ground because honestly, Remus had been her reason to come back and stay the last time. Everything she's done with the war, she did kinda for him. Yeah, maybe not in the best way, but she never thought ahead. It was her deepest flaw. "I mean, I have an apartment and stuff so, paid for for six months by the dad so, I guess, all depends on what happens between now and then. I'm not complaining about having a place to call my own for awhile though." She added to hopefully not make it too awkward from her previous statement.

words: 414
notes: Heh, finally a short one XD

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Another sting. All depends on if I find something to keep me around… In other words, she was only staying because someone else told her to, not because she wanted to. Gods only knew, she probably wouldn’t have even bothered to come back if Apollo hadn’t found her. He watched the papers on his desk in silence as his mind reeled. It was arguable that her words might be going in one ear and out the other, but he could feel his despair pulling – no, yanking – at his mind. It was easy to ignore logic, or things that she had only said like a minute ago. He was fooling himself if he thought she might have ever come back for him. By Pluto, if he hadn’t called her, she probably would have stayed in her content little hidey hole with Apollo forever without a care in the world to the pain she had caused here and apparently in European prisons too. He was having a hard time breathing and wanted nothing more than to get away from this horrible situation. He didn’t even care if she was being earnest anymore. Just the sheer pain was overwhelming, and unfortunately, this kind of pain gave rise to an even more dangerous emotion: fury.

Thankfully for both their sakes, he felt a weight on his leg and looked down only to find the ruby eyes of Argentum, who had rested his head on Remus’ lap. He sighed, coming back to himself a little more at the sight of someone – for he did regard the greyhounds as more than just automatons – who he knew would never let him down the way she had. He ran his hand over the smooth metallic head of the dog and, after a moment, found again the resolve to even look up at the young woman in question. Why did she have to make everything so hard? “Right, well… welcome home. If you still chose to call it that. Gods be with you.” It was a cold standard saying, revealing no emotion whatsoever, but it was the most he could pull off in the way of anything resembling civil. His mind was so torn right now. He still loved her, of course he did. But it was obvious she didn’t love him anymore. Perhaps never had. Why would she have done all this to him if she had? Betray the camp, steal from him when he was trying to help her after her memory loss, make him go through watching her die? So many times she had hurt him then come back and he’d forgiven her and welcomed her home. Why? Because he knew she hadn’t meant it. This time… There had to have been another way to end that war. There had to have been. Not this. And then to rub it in by going out, following some crazy goddess’ words, and killing people? He kept his hand on Argentum’s head just to keep his composure. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words couldn’t come. He couldn’t make them come, no matter how much he wanted to say them. How much he wanted to forget all this and hold her in his arms again, but he couldn’t. Not anymore. Not just because he was already with someone else – someone who did not regularly make attempts on his sanity – but because she had dealt the fatal blow. “Thanks for stopping by.” Pitiful way to welcome back the one he had both longed and feared to see again, but that was all he could manage.

Tag: Felicity!
Word Count: 603
Notes: the feels, man, the feels. Also, sorry there wasn’t much spoken stuff to help you out.

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Cold and to the point. Very Mars like. Very... Robocop like. Gods, that silly nickname. But whatever, obviously her meeting time was up. Not that she had the composure to stay any longer. It was taking all her will power and mental, emotional strength to keep her composure up. His to the point words were stinging and as much as she would try to deny it she knew that what she said probably hurt him too. No, she was fairly certain they did. But it had to be said, he could always go find comfort in Eve to make himself feel better after this and Felicity, well... she could always just go and cry out the pain in the solitude of her new apartment. Gods, it would be easier if she had actually died. Maybe she shouldn't have found a way to let herself live. She should have just set it up for her to die and stay dead. After all it would be almost like her paying for it all. She helped the rise of Saturn by going to Tartarus and getting his pieces back together, what better way than for her to have died and had the rage of her former fiancee end the war? But what was done was done. No way of changing it, but if she could, she would have let the Fates kill her that day. The idea of death was certainly becoming a welcoming embrace to her.

Still, there was one thing she absolutely had to do. She reached inside her pocket, feeling the familiar metallic band. "Yeah... no problem. Just, one last thing." Felicity said, unable to stop the wavering of emotions on her voice and having to take a deep breath to calm herself before pulling out the ring from her pocket. She looked at it quickly with sadness in her eyes before gently placing it on his desk. "Find someone who truly deserves someone like you this time. Not someone who'll hurt you." Felicity said before turning to walk away because quite honestly she was on the verge of a breakdown and crying hysterically in front of her ex-fiancee, the guy she had so many cherish-able memories with, didn't sound appealing. Especially since all those moments and small things she loves about him were only going to be memories now. He'll move on, heck, he kind of have with finding Eve and he'll be happier. No longer getting hurt by her and that's all she really wanted for him, to be happy and safe. And if that stupid hippie flower child could do that, then, may the fates keep them together. Didn't mean it would hurt any less when she saw them. Especially with Felicity only thinking of him and their moments together whenever she tries to pull away.

words: 486
notes: The muse took control and made me reply asap and sorry if its scattered.

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Remus was dying. He was back on the battlefield, watching as if in slow motion that horrible moment when he had seen his fiancé stabbed. Holding her in his arms as she bled out. Praying to every god that could be listening for help, to please spare her. Except this time he could do something about it. And this time, she was still out of his reach, but not because of someone else. Because he was putting her there. And it killed him. Part of him was angry with her trick, her betrayal. Part of him was desperate to have her back. Both parts were in pain. And here he was, torn utterly. His Mars instincts took over, unfortunately. When in doubt, fight. He realized too late that he had done more harm than he ever had before as he stared at the glint of circular gold she had placed on his desk. Her words echoed in his head before they eventually made sense. He looked up as her words sunk in. Someone who deserved someone like him this time? Someone who wouldn’t hurt him? But-… He opened his mouth to call out, to stop her, as his fight instinct finally gave way. But she was already gone. The door seemed twice as heavy as it slid shut, cutting off the world, cutting off air from his lungs, life from his body. It was like watching her die again, only this time the wound had come from his hand.

After a long moment in silence, trying to take it in, his eyes fell back to his desk, to the single thing she had left in her wake. Carefully, he picked up the ring, as if it were made of ice and would break if he weren’t gentle. He stared at the detailed metal and diamond piece like it might have an answer for him. All it had were memories now. He recalled it so well, before this hateful war. He’d saved up months, all the while somehow keeping his thrill secret from her. He could remember walking into that jewelry shop practically shaking from nerves, but beside himself with excitement when he left with it. Then – how could he ever forget? – the day he had first shown it to her, when he asked her to be his wife. That beautiful look on her face. Her enchanting smile. And that one word that changed his life: yes. Now it was gone. No longer would it grace her elegant finger.

He broke. The once solid son of Mars, praetor of Camp Jupiter, slipped off his chair to his knees on the floor and sobbed.

Tag: Felicity!
Word Count: 442
Notes: muse!