Crash -Open-

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i want something p e r m a n e n t is that too much to ask? Edmund was finally back and able to fight. Kinda. It had taken weeks of coaxing himself to do it. And then actually doing it. But eventually, as everything did, it payed off. He was back in the forge and as unflinching as he could be. He was back in the Circus Maximus, also as unflinching as he could be. Back to being old rough and tumble Edmund Simons. Oh, how he wished. He could do a good acting impression. He had gotten rather good at that. But deep down could he ever revert back? Nah. Too much had happened to hope for that. Deep down, even though his attitude and the way he lived before was easier, he didn't want to change back. He took the sword and swiped it at a dummy. Finally, it was staying a dummy. No monster. No person. Wooden dummy. Better. He had been getting better. He let out a breath, not even aware that he had been holding it. Breathe, he berated himself. Don't forget to breathe. The very first instruction of doing... anything really. The very first instruction of life, if you wanted to keep living. He bit his lip slightly, swinging to land a hit on the dummy's shoulder. He liked having a family. Accepting that thought had been really scary (terrifying, actually), but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted it to stay that way. Some normalcy. Some permanence. No, scratch that. Nothing was permanent. Nothing. Ever. Especially since it was him. He was terrified at how long it wouldn't last, going by his track record. So wait, maybe it would be beneficial to detach again. No, stupid. He couldn't do that. He'd hurt them way too much. He couldn't do that again. They didn't deserve it. But at the same time, they shouldn't have attached to a screw up like him who trailed bad luck and broken families wherever he went. Damn it. Lose lose situation. If either outcome would leave them alone and just end up hurting him, he'd take it, but either way it happened, they could get hurt. Fix it... how can I fix it... He just really wanted to keep them this time. He... he loved liked them.... Then again, they had been through the ringer, via the government intervention. Maybe his curse was wearing off. Maybe that was how separated and broken it'd get. COMMENTARIUM: I had Ed muse. And he needs a more recent thread xD VERBA: 402

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The young buck was simply meandering around New Rome at the moment. For no exact reason, just to seek out something to distract him from being bored. Which happened occasionally. Happened with the ADHD. That, and he liked to cause havoc and right now things were too peaceful. Everyone was just happy to have their loved ones back and punishments had already been dealt with so there was no need to try to add more fuel to the fire of anger someone might have had. So that what had lead him to the land of those retired from the legion.

For some reason the people there were more tense. Whether it be from bad dreams of their legion day or grudges over a coworker. There was always just something there with them. Deep down inside. However, not many people were out and about at the moment. Probably due to it being the middle of the day and apparently people do indeed have jobs or other business. So he decided to go into the Circus Maximus and was greeted with such an interesting sight. He knew the person attacking the innocent dummy. He was one for the people on trial last year for being a traitor to Saturn. He was one of the ones a lot of people complained about too. Apparently he was just one of those people to pick on or whatever.

Nathan smirked as he approached. "Dude, way to destroy the dummy, dummy. Seems you'd be less than forgiving on the battlefield. Plenty of people cry and bleed out in pain for ya?" Nathan said. He was purposely trying to prompt some PTSD, that was always something that set older people up. He got an odd sense of joy out of the entire thing too.

words: 309
notes: sorry!! NAthan is still in that awkward phrase T_T

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m a s q u e r a d i n g as a man with a reason This was good... Good progress. He had even started eating a bit more, which probably put Rhia at some ease. It meant he wouldn't just drop dead from starvation. That didn't exclude him from dropping dead from sleep deprivation though. His sleeping patterns were near to non existent, so her knockouts still continued. He'd be doing one thing, and all the sudden, he'd wake up in his bed the next. At least it was dreamless... While awake, he could block it all out, blank his mind and distract himself. While sleeping, he was defenseless, vulnerable to any thought or memory that decided to bubble into his consciousness.  None of them were good. And all of them decided to go right to the highlights of his times... everywhere: the fire, the ruins, the war, the cells... People would die, get taken, not make it. He'd be lying if he said it didn't mess with him on some level. Sure, it didn't happen and it was just a dream, but it could easily become reality if another war broke out or anything else catastrophic happened. No. Positive-ish thinking. They were fine now. This place had paid enough. Had been through enough.... He took another swing at the dummy. A clean slice across the stomach. Easy kill shot if it was a human. Even though he hadn't been in the first cohort for around two years now (holy crap, had it nearly been two years already?) he still had the reflexes and fighting level. He wanted to maintain it, if not just for work out purposes and keeping active. Just... he hoped he'd never have to use it again. A voice brought him out of his stream of thoughts. The kid still looked like he was young enough to be in the Legion, so excursion into New Rome then. He more or less ignored him. He had gotten worse insults. Had grown up with them. A continuation of them was nothing, although, through the years, for some stupid reason, he had started becoming a little more susceptible to them... mostly because he knew they were all true, and it was all his fault for that. He didn't expect what came next though. He exhaled, watching a few flashes of the war play out before his eyes. "No," he muttered. COMMENTARIUM: All good!! Welp, he got what he wanted xD VERBA: 386

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Nathan raised an eyebrow all while smirking to the one word response. Not much of a talker, was he? Oh well, from experience he found that those who talked less usually had the most pent up emotions, usually blocked for a good reason, it made it all the more enjoyable to try to pick through the lock then.

"No, huh? Well, ..hey, ya know, you look familiar." Nathan said as he started circling the older boy, because really he still had a baby face and no matter the age would probably continue to looked like he was forever fourteen. Nathan pretended an "ah-ha" face, of course he already knew who the person in question was, he was just toying with him. "That's right! You're one of those idiots who joined Saturn, wow, you must hate having had failed and being forced to live here in New Rome. Though really, you guys honestly sucked, it's a wonder how you didn't trip over your own sword. Of course, I mean, looking at you it's a wonder how you can even hold one to be honest. No wonder you left the legion. Probably ran off crying too afraid to be here and thought you could get revenge by killing the younger kids in the war. Were you the one they sent to get the new recruits, the little ten and eleven year olds who barely fit into their armor? Should have heard their screams of terror" Nathan said, nonchalantly. He was trying to figure out what would really get to the core of this guy.

The people in his cohort, yeah he knew what made their gears grind but dealing with a stranger was always a taxing choice but it was something he was going to have to learn to be the best at his job. THough, he had a feeling in his gut that this guy would be a tough case to crack. Usually they were all easy unless they were a relative or seriously had a grip on themselves.

words: 350
notes: sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy ^_^

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why am i still a l i v e ? Edmund had been much more talkative as a child. That got greatly reduced as he got older. He started enjoying silence instead of noise. Silence meant nothing was wrong. Also, he just realized he had less and less to say, with most adults not caring or not believing him. Better to keep it short, sour, and to the point. The less breath waisted on the centurions, gods, campers, and other idiots the better. Even though his personality had changed somewhat since then, he still maintained the "silent and in less than five words" philosophy of life, except when around his family. He also still had his snark monologue running 24/7 in his head. He used to just let it burst forth to anyone who decided to talk to him, now, he only felt comfortable running his mouth with the same four people, plus maybe Stone. All in all, he had toned down, a lot. He didn't necessarily like it, but it had happened. Still though, sometimes he had to refrain himself from sarcastic comments. Especially when someone said something to bait him, like what this kid was trying to do. He barely felt the strife the kid gave off in waves. The atmosphere didn't feel any different than when he interacted with people: somewhat chaotic and tense. That would probably be his "grandson of Discordia" status showing itself. An unchecked and uncontrolled power he didn't know he possessed until it just became part of his personality. Now him not keeping any friends, ever, made sense.  He would've liked to say that he had a firm grip on himself. If someone had asked him two years ago, he would have said yes, without a doubt. Now though… now he didn't know. He wasn't even sure if he was immune to Charm Speak anymore. Yep… it had gotten pretty bad. Of course Edmund was recognizable: one of the infamous traitors that had been allowed to stay in New Rome. If the kid had been around long enough, Ed also was that kid who got turned into multiple animals and who broke into the Principia. "That wasn't me," he stated, back to his default blank look, flat voice. COMMENTARIUM: all good <3 VERBA: 366

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Nathan smirked. The blank ones were fun. It meant that there was something deep down. Something they would rather juts forget and leave to the recess of their mind and that they needed to keep a delicate balance. Usually if the balance was somehow tipped it let into hysterics, whether crying or anger. Personally Nathan liked seeing the ones who tipped into anger, it gave him a much better show and made him yearn for a nearby popcorn machine. The ones who dived into the crying hysterics, boring. He just walked away from those and let the wallow in their self pity.

"YOu sure? I could have sworn.." Nathan shrugged. "Ah well, either way you should be dead. YOu and all your traitorous friends. The one with the baby should definitely not be a mom either. Baby will probably grow up a traitor too, best to kill it off too. And the one that's engaged to the Praetor. Obviously using her female ways to seduce him and then steal information or what not. You guys are all disgusting little creatures. Not even worthy of being called a demigod, or human for that matter." Nathan said, sure to add a spat of disgust in his tone of voice for real dramatic effect.

There was probably a wall in the way of his true friend but that wouldn't stop Natha from picking at it. And by picking he means by taking a huge hammer and to keep knocking on it until he finds the weak spot that ultimately ends up making Humpty DUmpty have a great fall. And if Nathan had it his way there would be no king's horses or men to put the dumb egg back together again. Best to let the mess soak in.

words: 303
notes: THIS CHARACTER .... he disgusts me.

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if the monster always dies at the end of the book why am i still a l i v e? Sometimes the only way to get through the day as a Roman soldier was to put on a blank face and to try and reassure yourself that everything would turn out okay. But he was a Roman soldier, traitor, and demigod, so he knew that it turning out okay would rarely be the case. What did his blank face hide? Usually him trying to not fall apart or failing to comprehend something, but most likely the former. He had plenty of rebounds, personality in tact, but every human had their limit before getting worn down. Maturity through the pain, not the years. He supposed he had hit his somewhere along the way. He had seen a bit of a shift in personality, even if he hated to even think of it. His carefully made facade had been cracked and destroyed and rebuilt too many times for his brain to handle it. The fire, the legion, the first war, the quest, the second war, getting captured. Enough nightmare fuel for a couple of lifetimes. There were just too many things that he tried his best to suppress. During the day, it worked: he had training, he had forging, he had Josh and Rhia, and on better days, Felicity and Ethan. But then night fell, and he was left alone, with his thoughts. Oh, the boy was one of those... he probably hated him... Yup, he definitely did. Either that or he was just trying to get Ed riled up. Ed would go with both, easily. However, the boy would be disappointed. Ed's days of getting easily explosive were over; he was just too tired, no energy left to really be angry or get into fights with anyone. He felt the discord swirl around him, still not feeling any different. He wondered if it was an immunity thing because of being a grandson of discord, or if he was just too used to it because it was so a part of him. Either way, he just stood there silently, taking the other male's verbal abuse. After the rant was other, Ed gave the same answer as he had given to so many others upon them directly insulting his character. "I know." Although, he just applied what the other male had said to himself. Going into Felicity and Rhia was just a whole different can of worms, and he didn't have the will power to fight it out with the kid. He probably wouldn't even listen anyway. COMMENTARIUM: okay so i pulled an ed and didn't go to sleep yet heh. haha but he's fun to respond to! VERBA: 414

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Nathan narrowed his eyes. This guy was something else and Nathan was getting annoyed that his little game of cat and mouse had come to a standstill. He wasn't taking the bait, which left him bored and running low on ideas. How his mom would probably be ashamed at how easily Nathan could be beat. Perhaps he ought to pray to her, see if she could ruin the guys life some. An act of revenge of sorts. His mother was good at that, after all, she was the one who laid the golden apple and started the seige at Troy. Certainly leaving the mental state of a young adult in ruins was an easy task. Strike that, if it were an easy task Nathan would already have had it completed.

He scuffed at the statement. "You know? Fine, then why do you keep existing?Ending it would be so much more easier than forcing yourself to wake up each day." Nathan spat at him with a haughty tone. He did believe he was better than him, he thought he was better than everyone, so nothing to take personally, granted, Nathan would prefer it if you did take it personally, add fuel to the fire of discord he pokes at within you.

Was he a disgusting human being, probably. But then again, disgusting people ended up high in life. After all, look at some of America's politicians or some of the World's leaders. They certainly didn't get to where they were by playing nice and being sweet and innocent to everyone. What was the old saying again? Oh that's right, good guys finish last. There was never a good underdog story. All that was was fuel for a little kids imagination. TO leave them naive just long enough until the real world came in and kicked them hard in the butt, leaving them stranded in a state of obscurity and self loathsomeness. But those who knew the truth to the way the world worked, like Nathan would rise high above the ashes of all the burnouts of the world.

words: 359
notes: I hate him. I hate him so much

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**Just thought I'd put it out there in case any of you are uncomfortable with/get triggered these sort of things this post contains mentions of (albiet non descriptive)
self harm, an attempted suicide, and suicidal ideations

if the monster always dies by the end of the book why am i still  a l i v e The kid had lost his window. By a long shot. Then again, there hadn't been much to really, actually upset Ed about pre-leaving for Saturn. Before, he had just been fun to rile up and pick a fight with. More so than not, he'd pick the fight. A part of him missed it, another part wondered how the hell he had the energy for that. He knew all the tricks: he had used them before himself. He knew him... and before he'd fall for them all too. And then he left camp, and everything just came tumbling downhill. As if it hadn't been ever since he turned ten, but it had taken a rather sharp turn down. Leaving had taken its toll on him, not that he'd ever tell anyone that, but it had. That, and all the repercussions afterward. Then again, it was his fault... always of his own doing, so he had really no room to complain. He was the designer of his own catastrophe. Had always been... And then the kid went for the jugular. Just end it. He should've expected it... he really should've. It's not like this had been the first time. Hunter had suggested it, along with a bunch of random New Rome citizens every now and again. Death threats, he could live with until the end of time, but there was something more unnerving about people actually suggesting suicide to him. How many times had Ed actually considered it? A couple. He even attempted it once, a couple of months after living with Em. But she had found him and gotten him to the hospital; then into a subsequent psychiatric facility. After that, all sharp objects in the house disappeared. And then he came to the Legion. It could be so easy… really… He always had the means: growing up with a wood carving knife and then coming to the legion where they gave him daggers, swords, and access to an entire forge full of fire and sharp objects. Way too easy to make it look like an accident here. “Got beat to that punch,” Ed muttered, trying to keep his voice even. COMMENTARIUM: it's okay *hugs* VERBA: 360