Livings Just a Waste of Breath [Ed]

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She didn't want to be home. That place was not the same for Tessa anymore. Memories of being healthy and happy where there, and it hurt badly. Gunnar's words cut deeper and deeper. She knew he wanted her to leave him alone. At times he talked to her as though it was normal as breathing, other times he would jerk away from her and sternly tell her no. To stop. Still more times he simply did not answer her, as though she was not there. He called her an illusion, saying she was not real. Though he was Gunnar. If anyone knew reality from illusion it would be that man, someone who had loved her so dearly.

He had.

Tessa shook her head, putting her mind on the obstacle course again. This place too had memories, everywhere in New Rome and even places outside had deep memories for her. Thoughts that once brought her comfort and calmness, now brought nothing but tears and frustration. How foolish she had been. How foolish she was now. Love wasn't supposed to be the end all of her dreams. She was supposed to be stronger now, able to stand on her own. She thought getting over the fact her father would never care helped. A mistaken though that her desire to please her parents and earn their affections had simply dissolved.

Tessa screamed into the cool night air, tumbling on the ground and out of the obstacle course. Her breath heavy as she put pressure on the fresh pool of blood on her arm. The blade of the course had cut down to the bone. Her vision blurred in pain, and she knelt on the ground. Looking up at the night sky she knew she could bleed out here. Then she'd be dead again. People would morn again. Though maybe she'd be able to make it up to Gunnar. Maybe this would make him hate her less. If she just bled out here.

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i feel as if i'm reliving it o v e r & o v e r Edmund had never had this long to semi get his life together. In the past, he hadn't even bothered. Aftermaths of wards were tricky things. Besides, as if anywhere would take a newly convicted traitor. He also hadn't been in the best state of mind to consider anything of the future. He had honestly thought he had none. Thought it to be better to just get stabbed through the stomach by the New Rome vigilantes and not survive. He missed Felicity. He missed the Simons. He should've been with both, after everything he'd done. Not even with them; he should've gone straight to the Fields of Punishment... probably was now that he realized he had broken an oath from so long ago.... Yet he wasn't. Time passed, and things gradually calmed down. At least, calm as they'd get with two traitors living in New Rome. Josh, Rhia, and Ethan had helped him more or less though, and, eventually he could dare think of future possibilities. He shouldn't have jumped the gun too soon. That's when Josh disappeared and he learned Felicity was alive, opening up an old wound that had never quite closed. The cycle started over. But he couldn't afford to crash like he had post-trial. He had Rhia to look after. Both of his idiots came back, of course they did, friggin stupid heads.... The dust had just started to settle, and he had almost entertained (foolishly) the idea of the future. That's when Edmund himself got captured. Not much could be considered during that time except pain, the stress that came with solitary confinement with the only human contact being abuse, and if he was finally going to get kicked into the underworld. Again, he got rescued. Again, he wondered if that was a good thing or a bad thing. So many times the fates could have cut his string, yet they just liked watching him dance. Keeping him alive to watch all of it was probably in and of itself part of his breaking oath punishment. Yet again, a break came. Edmund once again idly wondered if considering going to college and finding a job to make himself useful was worth it. Good thing he didn't think too deeply into it, because that's when Rhia died. As when Josh disappeared, he couldn't afford to have a break down. Now he had Josh and Art to look after. And how the hell could he look after them while not in a workable state of mind himself? The cycle was once again coming to its resolution: Rhia was back. A peaceful time dawned yet again. The only question was: how long was it to last? Did he dare consider future things, just to possibly reel back again? Risk taking. That's what he had done when deciding to see Felicity, the Rogers, Lyn, and Ethan as family, right? Hard, painful, agonizing even, but worth it. He sighed slightly as his mind started the ever familiar tug-of-war decision process. What to do? Well, if going by past patterns... His thought process came to an abrupt halt as a scream reached his ears. He froze in semi-shock before running towards the sound. It wasn't Felicity, that much he knew. Who... a crumpled figure on the ground came into view. Kind've normal, given it was outside of the merciless obstacle course, but still. Didn't need idiots dying of blood loss. "Tessa." Now that he was closer, he recognized her. Ed slowed to a jog as he came within a few feet of her. Now that he thought of it, he hadn't seen her in a while... He knelt down and looked over at her; her eyes seemed a bit clouded in pain. He didn't blame her; her arm was bleeding rather badly. "I'll spare the formalities," he muttered, taking his sweatshirt off and offering it as a compact. "Come on," he said, tilting his head in the general direction of the infirmary, "to our favorite place we go," he said with a very light tease. COMMENTARIUM: got hit with Ed muse like whoa Also, that moment so much has happened to your character that you have to consult a time line xD VERBA: ~670

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At least the pain pushed the thoughts of worthlessness from her head. It swam in the blood and grim instead. Teary eyes trying to focus on the person in front of her. Shock was starting to throb through her body making it tremble, having her breath come in uneven and unsteady. "Edmund?" she questioned. Though she leaned on him all the same. No. It couldn't be. Her eyelids hung low again as they lost focus. Her consciousness drifting. He didn't tease. He didn't have that smirk. Certainly he had a smirk, but not that kind. The one that betrayed some joy or happiness. Just the one that showed how little he wanted to be in that place, at that time. There was something in Edmund she could relate to. How only your hands, and working hard got you to be loved. He was a traitor, he was a killer, there was no punishment good enough for him. Compared to him, she was more easy to be loved, right?

Her eyes suddenly regained some semblance of intelligent though, and she took in a sharp and shaky breath. The body moving already with him, to go toward the infirmary. To press the cloth against her wound. It was second nature, it was muscle memory. What was it that she had just thought? Where had that come from? Had she sunken that low? Edmund was perhaps not the best person, but he cared. In his own way. He was useful, far more than she way. Even if he betrayed the only place that really accepted them no matter their parents, or what they had done. Had betrayed the place she was so loyal to. He had his reasons, reasons Chris brought up at the trial! To sabotage the Titan from the inside. "Sorry" she muttered aloud. Here he was again. Helping her. Someone as pathetic as her.

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i'm s o r r y for everything help me fix it (please) As much as the Legion annoyed him, he didn't have that much of a vendettas as to let a fellow soldier die or be severely hurt in front of him. Actually, he made it one of his rules. Never leave a fellow solider behind. Even if it had been Stone, Ed probably couldn't have brought himself to just turn around and not at least offer to help. Maybe the old him could have. Now, not so much. Stupid, infectious humanity. Dumb, idiotic empathy. If they were too proud or understandably didn't want a traitors help, that was another thing. Then they could bleed out or drag themselves if they wanted. Besides, he knew Tessa, and she seemed to accept the help. Why anyone still accepted, he'd never understand. Idiots. Most likely because he was marginally useful. Could still fight and forge. "Yeah, yeah it's me. Two time traitor at your service," he said in a light tease. He shifted his weight slightly so he could better help support her and then started the trek to the infirmary. He checked that she was holding the compress against her wound. Of course she was. It had probably become automatic to her: not only a soldier, but also past centurion and head medic. She had helped so many people in her life: guided them, saved their lives, loved them. Good people like her needed a break. A good life after their service was over; after always helping others, they needed others to look after them once in a while. And yet their troubles continued on afterwards. No break for the good. No break for the wicked. What an imbalance. The Legion needed people like Tessa: didn't take the place for granted, helped others, and nurtured them. They could do more without Ed, a traitor who had hurt, betrayed, manipulated, and killed others. He had no hope of ever living up to a good life such as Tessa's, but he could try to atone for some things. It would never truly make up for anything, but it was a useful illusion to make him get up everyday. "No reason to be sorry. Happens to the best of us." COMMENTARIUM: I like he dynamic of these two xD VERBA: 364

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The legion had been her life, the only place that ever felt like home. It was where people she cared about lived, and where she could sit and talk with them. New Rome was a place where families could live happily, free of fear from being attacked by monsters. Where if your parents where busy you had dozens of other places to go, people to see. She'd seen families welcome outsiders as though they where blood relatives, seen familys come together despite the lack of blood ties. Wasn't Edmund part of that? Joshua was helping her take Gunnar food, him along with a few others. She couldn't expect one person to help her every time. Not when teleporting, and shadow travel cost them so much. Ethan and Jason where so close too. This place, New Rome, you didn't need to be blood relatives. Though you had many. You would always find a home here. Except for her.

No. She wasn't apologizing for getting hurt, though it was something to apologize for, this time it was for the thoughts that passed through her head. Thinking that she deserved more than him. Better than him. That's the reason she couldn't have it, because she was petty and jealous. It was probably the reason Lady Venus had claimed her and not Grandfather Apollo. There were already tears in her eyes from the physical pain, a few more for the emotion wouldn't be noticed. "I'm sorry." she whispered against quietly, not entirely comprehending what he had said. The phrase held so much to it though. She was a sorry excuse for a person. Sorry to lean on him. Sorry to get blood on his sweater. "Your sweater…." she looked at it, pulling it off of her wound slightly.

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i'm trying (i'm trying really h a r d ) Edmund had a life before the Legion. A good life. He couldn't help but hold a bitter resentment towards the Legionitself when it took him away ffrom the mortal world. He had liked it there just fine. Okay, so mosters attacked him; he had survived, he would survive again. The mortal world had been his life. His home. Not this place. But really, once his family died, did he even have a place in the mortal world any more? The answer was no, but he still blamed himself (and by extent, his world) for killing them. That anger shot itself at the Legion, its inhabitants, and anything that had to do with it. But then he found people. He found a second family. Blood? In a weak sense. But bonds made through fire were stronger than those of blood. For blood, it was more of a responsibility. For those he chose, it was much more of a connection. Of course it had its ups and downs, and was a double edged sword of love and vulnerability (which he had come to hate), but, on the whole, he thought it was worth it. He had really come to care about them, as much as it scared him. Then again, real fear came from knowing there was something that could be used against you. From caring so much that the thing had the power to break you. Of course, he'd be okay... kinda. He'd recover. He'd get through. He'd be marked and scarred forever after, but he had survived more than once. "Hm?" Oh, his sweater hadn't even crossed his mind. It had turned into a compress the second he had given it to Tessa. "It's fine, keep it on," he said, gently pressing it back onto her wounded arm. It was a jacket. He could always get another one. Good thing about training in the Legion and working in the forge: blood from cuts, tears from building and repairing, and ash and smoke from the fires made him not get too attached to any clothing article. Besides, he had never really understood attachment to clothing articles. They were just clothes, he could always get more. VERBA: 365