Chronicles of Edmund

[Deleted]

Going Down In Flames

Edmund Simons hated nightmares. They scared him so badly that sometimes he just didn't want to go to sleep, or go back to sleep. That was part of the reason why, at 2:55 AM, he was making his way into his parents' room. That wasn't the only reason he was freaked out though, something about this house seemed....off. The floor boards creaked slightly in all the right places. Ed half wondered why he didn't avoid them, especially after walking on those same, creaky boards for nine years. Perhaps it was too much of a habit. Too much of a ritual, the way he stepped down the hall. The particular places of the floor he stepped on. He forced himself to move slowly. To not make a lot of noise, despite not wanting to be in a long, dark hallway all by himself. His parent's door easily swung open as he gently pushed it. His dark brown eyes searched for his parents, trying to make out their shapes on the bed. The young boy blindly made his way across their room, the soft carpet contrasting sharply with the hard floor boards. He hit the creaky spot in the floor, near his mother's side. Alexia was up in a heartbeat.

The mother looked upon her son's face. Asked what was wrong. She didn't wait for an answer though: it only took one glance to his face to figure it out. It was the only reason her son would wake them up in the middle of the night. The nine year old blinked and nodded his head very slightly. He rarely went back to sleep after having a nightmare. She frowned slightly, pushing his dark hair away from his face. Edmund looked down sheepishly and half shut his eyes. That was a mistake: all he could see were fairies with sharp teeth. There was a creak as James rolled over, but he didn't give his input. Alexia was better handling Ed's nightmares than he was at any rate: she was already soothing him, trying to convince him that everything was going to be okay. It wasn't only the fairies that were bothering him though... it was something else, she could see it in his eyes. Something that was more of a feeling, not something concrete.... He opened his mouth to tell her what was really bothering him--

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

That made James jump up. Alexis didn't delay getting up either. Edmund stumbled backwards, blinking. Fire alarm. And that obviously meant-- his mind jammed and he did the automatic childish instinct: reached for his mother. Alexia's voice never wavered from her usual calm. Soothing as she grabbed his hand and started to pull him towards the stairs. James joined them with a more or less awake Meghan. They all went down the stairs, staying close. It all went well. They made it through the hallway connecting stair case to kitchen to living room, before realizing that it hadn't been the basement fire alarm. It had been the one in the kitchen. Half the floor was already on fire, and it was getting really hot, really fast. James pulled Ed into the living room, trying to get at the front door. Little did he know. Fire shot through the floor, blocking the entrance. Edmund went to move backwards, only to realize that the fire had shot up through the floor behind them too, blocking the way they had come in. They were trapped in the living room. They did the only thing they could do to semi-facilitate the breathing: they crouched down.

The fire started moving and his mother and father were moving closer together, semi squishing Meghan and Edmund in the middle. Ed heard Meg whimper; the young girl clung onto her older brother's arm and started coughing. She admitted that she was scared. Ed just looked at her, having no idea what to say. Nothing that would make her feel better, that was for sure. We're going to die in here... he thought, feeling sick. I'm going to die in here. He saw something move out of the corner of his eye. Thinking it was fire, Edmund yelped, jumping straight backwards. He felt Meg let go of his arm, and felt himself tearing away from the protective barrier that was his parents. The fire infront of him responded to his scream and shot upwards. He looked to his left. The old grandfather clock was starting to catch fire; it started to spread towards Ed, who began panicking again and scooting away, even further distancing himself from the family huddle; getting closer to the door that they had come in. He heard people yelling at him to get down, just yelling his name. He wanted to go back to them... yet everything started to blur. His heart was beating too fast.

That's when the ceiling started to burn. Ed hit the floor again and watched it for what seemed like forever. Then the clock chimed 3 and the ceiling groaned. How is that still ringing? Ed thought dimly. Everything was beginning to look hazy: the smoke was starting to get to his head.The hands of the clock were on fire. The wood was burning... the weights melted, and the entire clock crashed straight to the floor. That wasn't the only crash though: everyone's scream was lost as the the ceiling caved in onto them.

**THE NEXT MOMENTS OF MEMORY HAVE BEEN REPRESSED. WHAT ARE THEY? WE MAY NEVER KNOW**

Sirens.
Edmund ducked behind a bush, watching the smoke from the fire curl towards the sky. His legs hurt. His lungs hurt. Heck, everything hurt. He waited, rocking back and forth. He was at their meeting spot, so why wasn't everyone else? He called for his parents, fully expecting an answer. No one gave him one. Well, perhaps they decided on somewhere else, his mind suggested. While he began to argue with himself that his parents would never change the emergency spot without telling him, a face peered over him. Edmund jumped slightly when he heard the unexpected male voice; the strange, older male was saying that they had found someone. He relaxed a moment later; his mom said that firemen were there to help people. He stood up, only to grimace and double over as his feet and legs supported his weight. The pain made his vision go hazy; he saw stars, felt sick to his stomach. His feet were on fire, and his legs wouldn't support him. Why won't it stop? he wondered, a weak whimper escaping his lips. Make it stop... he silently pleaded. He could feel the ground underneath him lurching, swaying, daring him to keep his balance. He felt a hand on his arm, trying to keep him steady; a voice in his ear, trying to keep him calm. Through his pain, he saw three stretchers with bodies charred beyond recognition. Three bodies. Two big, one small. All three coming from his what remained of the house like a procession line. Shock took over the child's brain. He remembered mouthing something. Trying so hard to give it volume, but his voice wouldn't work. Edmund remembered his legs giving up. Slumping down into merciful, painless black.

Beep. Beep. Beep.
There was something over his nose and mouth. Something in his arm. Something on his legs and feet. It was a white room. And this was not his bed. The word came to him: hospital. Edmund panicked again and tore the air mask off of his face. He went to sit up, but grimaced as pain spiked in his legs and hands. His arm felt so uncomfortable... he looked down and saw a needle in it. Ed's eyes bulged and he went to tear it out; he inhaled sharply, trying to deal with the pain that was in his arm. That's when his coughing fit started. A woman dressed in white bustled in and tsk-ed with her tongue. She tried to gently put the mask back over him, tried to get the IV back in it's proper position, tried to calm him down by talking. Ed was frantically shaking his head 'no'. He was already feeling overly antsy, tired of sitting down. He had to move. He couldn't sit here with a mask over his face. He needed to see his family. He needed to make sure they were okay. Needed to see their faces. Needed to figure out where he was and why. Needed things to make sense. Needed to-- he didn't notice exactly how hard he was fighting to get up; how hard he was trying to get the mask removed; how hard it suddenly became to breathe; how much faster the beeps on the monitor had gotten. Something entered his blood stream, and he slumped back, unconscious.

The next time he woke up, the air mask was gone, but the IV was still there. Edmund flinched, trying not to look at the needle that was poking out of his arm. His legs were still tingly, and he was only starting to feel his toes again. The lights were too bright in here. He liked the dark better... Someone was calling him. Ed looked around, expecting his mother; his face stretched into a smile. He was only disappointed as the face of Aunt Em looked back at him. He nodded at her politely before slumping back down.

Em semi smiled. Asked how he was feeling.

Edmund frowned slightly and shrugged, giving his standard I'm fine answer. He didn't waste time either. He wanted to know where his mother was. He didn't like it here. He wanted to go home. He didn't want a needle poking out of his arm. He asked and asked, but all his aunt could do was say his name, look down, and swallow. Ed scowled, he was getting tired of this game. He wanted to see his family. Finally her lips moved into saying something other than "Ed" and the world around him seemed to shatter into a million pieces.

The nine year old's eyes locked on Em's, his mother's, before the color started to slowly drain out of his face. He blindly shook his head, but in his mind's eye, he could see the fire. In his mind's eye he saw the house with smoke curling out of it. Saw the clock. The living room. The ceiling. His gaze separated from reality. The procession of three bodies... Ed's lips moved, but no sound came out. He tried again. And again. And then he was screaming. He shut his eyes and covered his ears. If he opened them, he wouldn't have to see Em, or hear all the horrible things she was saying... but shutting his eyes just made it worse. He saw everything all over again. Tears of anger, frustration, hurt and realization started to leak through his closed eyes. He felt someone trying to hold him, but he pushed whoever it was away with a surprising amount of force. Pain spiked in his arm as the IV needle tore out of his arm, but he barely felt it. He turned away from Em, eyes still closed, and did what children did to cope with terror: he cried himself to sleep.

[Deleted]

Unsent Letters

Dear Mom,
It was just a dream and I just got really scared. I didn’t mean to do anything, I promise. Do you believe me? I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Can we start over? People in white coats are everywhere. They put a mask over my face when I was asleep. I didn’t like it. It was crowded and small. Were they trying to gag me? I took it off, but they just put it back on because I started coughing a lot. There was also a needle in my arm. I tried taking that out too. They said not to, but it creped me out so much. I don’t want something sticking out of my skin. I don’t want anything in my arm. I tried to get up too. I wanted to find you, but my legs hurt a lot. The woman in the white coat kept holding me down and telling me to say while I wanted to get up and move. Some how, I went back to sleep and had a nightmare. I wasn’t supposed to be asleep though, I was supposed to be looking for you. Why did I fall asleep? When I woke up again, the needle was still poking out of my arm and I tried taking it out again. Why do they have to put that there? It kinda hurts and I hate looking at it. I remember you called this kind of place a hospital. I don’t like it here. Aunt Em is here instead of you and Dad and is telling horrible lies. Can you come visit me soon? I want to see you. I want you to take me out of here.

Dear Mom,
I can’t remember anything, but they all keep asking: people in white coats that look like ghosts and people in blue uniforms that have a gold badge. They’re all lying. I want them to all go away. I want to go home with you. There’s a big monitor that beeps all the time. It’s kind of annoying. They keep putting the needle in my arm even though I take it out. They started taping it to my skin. They keep telling me not to pull, but I do. Now my left arm is red and has a lot of prick holes. It hurts. I keep trying to get up, but they keep pushing me back down. They make me lay there and watch TV most of the time. I don’t want to go to sleep. Every time I try I have nightmares. I don’t know where Sammy is. Can you bring him when you come? My legs hurt a lot. They say they are badly burned. The food doesn’t taste good. I miss your cooking. I miss you.

Dear Mom,
Would you ever think I look ugly or weird? Everyone in school thought so. My legs look weird now. They said I had a surgery but I don’t remember anything. They put a mask over me again. They have me breathing funny smelling air. It smells almost the candy shop near Meg’s dance studio. It makes my head hurt and my vision fuzzy. They’re still sticking me with needles and keep telling me I can’t get up. I want to walk. Sitting here just fidgeting is irritating. Aunt Em and the doctors are talking a lot about me, sleep medicine, and tranquilizers… whatever those are. Do I have a sleeping disease? Can I come home yet? Why haven’t you come to see me? ….are you mad at me?

Dear Mom,
They finally let me out! I’m going home! Can you come to see me now?

Dear Mom,
I guess you’re not coming to bring me home anymore… I’m really really sorry... I didn’t mean to do anything! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.

Dear Mom,
Aunt Em’s house is strange. She said that nothing’s left from my house except a picture. She gave it to me and I hid it really well. I’m starting to forget what you smell like… is that bad?

Dear Mom,
Aunt Em keeps telling me to sleep and eat. I’m not hungry and I’m too scared to sleep. All I want to do is sit in her closet and hope that she smells a little like you. If that doesn’t work, I can always find things to carve things out of… It still hurts to walk. I miss you.

Dear Mom,
I went back to summer school. I can’t stay trapped in that house. The kids are still mean. They talk about me and all I want to do is wear long pants so they don’t see how ugly my legs look.

Dear Mom,
Will you be mad at me if I tell you that I really don’t like your sister? I wanted her to take me out of the hospital the first time, but she wouldn’t. She took me back! I don’t want to be here! I hate it here! I wanted her to tell them I’m not crazy. I’m fine but they won’t believe me. No one will believe me. Would you believe me? You know I’m not crazy. I don’t like them. They didn’t let me get up. They strapped my arms to the bed. They tried to hide the needle from me, but I knew it was there. It’s weird, they always do it in my left arm, but this time they did it in my right. It’s covered by a long glove. My right arm is really hot and my left one hurts. A police man was staring at me for an entire day. I don’t even know what I did wrong. They all talk like I know what I did, but I don’t. They’re being crazy, not me! They cut my nails really short. Didn’t you say that was bad for your nails? Can’t you come back and tell them I’m not crazy?

Dear Mom,
I can’t find scissors or knives or anything sharp. I want to cut paper and carve, but I can't. Aunt Em won’t explain anything to me. My arm looks ugly now too. It has thread in it. I don’t know why. Whenever I ask, she says it’s okay to talk about it. I don’t know what she’s talking about. Why can’t everyone give me answers?

Dear Mom,
Would you forgive me if I couldn’t go to the wake or funeral? I can’t… and Aunt Em hates me now. I know she does. I didn’t hit back though. I don’t want to upset you. Now my face hurts and I don’t want her to see me.

Dear Mom,
Em drives me to random strangers’ houses. They want me to talk to them. I don’t want to talk to strangers! I don’t want to talk at all... They all pretend to know what happened, but they don’t, and I don’t want to tell them. At least she’s given me back one of my carving knives.

Dear Mom,
School again…all I want to do is not go, but I don’t want to stay in the house with Em. I can’t pass any of my subjects. Everyone looks at me as if I’m an alien. I don’t want them to see my legs or arm. I don’t want to be here. I miss you.

Dear Mom,
All I do is make planes and houses and clocks. I didn’t want to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas. Not without you guys here.

Dear Mom,
Emalia’s getting rid of me. Even she hates me. She said she found a special boarding school for kids with problems like me. She knows I'm a burden. It’s not going to be any different from all the other schools I’ve gone to. Whatever. I don't care.

[Deleted]

A Very Unhappy Birthday To You!



My Strength, Is An Illusion
My Silence, Hides My Story

Edmund hated his birthday. He had never told anyone when he had been at school and it had never been a problem. No one cared and he was fine with that. He didn't want anyone to know. It kept shut up. That was the way he wanted it. Here though? No. Edmund had kept his mouth shut, but someone had to be a Nosey Nellie and dig up his records. Who's bright idea was it at camp to try and throw him an annual party? Couldn't they get it into their thick skulls (after seven years) that he didn't want one?! He hated people, he hated attention, he hated cake, he hated happy celebrations. Therefore, by logicality, he hated parties. He was doing what he was normally doing on March 25: hiding in the forest. Edmund didn't want to see anyone today of all days. He just wanted to... not exist in all honesty. He tried to find a better hiding spot than last time, but this year, they decided to send Mercury after him. Yet another god on the ever growing lists of immortals he was going to hate for all eternity. "Do. Not. Touch. Me," he growled slightly, yanking himself away from the god and putting a few feet between them. Then he noticed what he was in the middle of: people, decorations, and presents.

Of the people: Felicity, Charlie, Lilith (who was more lurking than outright there), and Lyn. Cue glaring and fidgeting. Like every year, from the first second he arrived to the second he was able to leave, he just wanted out. He wanted to smack Jolly for telling him to go along with it again, but had to admit, making the pinata in the form of her was slightly amusing. Edmund's icy glare flickered over everyone (starting with Mercury who told him to have "fun" already) who had the nerve to stay. "I got dragged, I'm here. Hi Everyone. Leaving now," he responded curtly to all the greetings. He ignored all the congratulations/happy birthday greetings. He had made it as a demigod for another year. So what? He'd be dead in five years or less from here. There was nothing to celebrate today. If he could only get that through them like he could get his dagger through a dummy. His ears picked up yet another voice. Vivian. She said that she hadn't known it was his birthday. UGH. And these idiots had to go ruining that! "Exactly how I wanted it," he said flatly, still glaring at the campers around him. Did none of them understand the body language of "I don't want to be here"?

Also like every year, they more or less physically forced him to stay for the pinata; he grudgingly went though with it. Other campers kept coming in and out, putting down presents until a small pile had been formed. He really didn't want any of this. Not by a long shot. Didn't want presents, didn't want a celebration, didn't want the attention. Felicity looked expectantly at him: surly expression, glare and all and had the nerve to ask, "Okay, so what do you want to do next? Eat food, or open your mountain of presents?" They seriously couldn't get that he didn't want to do any of this after seven years? There were lots of people, too much attention, and just... too much celebration for everyone else. Other than the Charlie formed pinata, he saw no "enjoyment" in this day at all: all the celebration and "just have fun" made him feel sick. He didn't want a party or presents or attention, he much less deserved them.

"Leave!" he snapped at her in response. Of course it wasn't a choice in Felicity's book. The fact that Edmund hated his birthday was probably a well known one: he put up the same fight nearly every year, even though most of the time he didn't feel like he had it in him to fight this day of the year. Felt like he didn't have the willpower or energy, but every year, he'd pull through and fight with them. Felicity's argument this year? "But its to celebrate the day you entered this world. Would you prefer to have never been born?" His answer? "It's unnecessary." Along with a few other choice words he could say about his birthday. He completely ignored her question... since the truthful answer would probably start a slew of questions and even more unwanted attention. And then Lyn had to make it even worse: "I think it's mostly for everyone else to celebrate your birth, we're happy you're here!"

Finally, after what seemed for like, ever, he was able to escape. Escape route: forest. Grave site. What Felicity and Lyn had said wouldn't stop echoing around his head. No one would have probably liked Ed's truthful answer to Felicity's question, especially today. In all honestly, Edmund wished he hadn't. What did he contribute to the Legion, anyway? An antisocial grump. The end. People would argue lots of fixes and stuff he had made, but anyone else that stayed in the forge could do that. If he hadn't been born, his mom, dad, and sister would probably have stayed alive. He couldn't believe that anyone here was happy that he was here. It was no cause for celebration, him coming into the world. No one had a reason to celebrate him. Edmund sat down infront of his grave site and rolled the stone away: all of Meg's planes stared back at him. He took a recently completed one and placed in the pile. The now seventeen year old then took the plane that he had placed the Winnie-the-Pooh sticker on and his face slackened from the usual emotionless. "S-Sorry..." he whispered.

Ed dropped down to his knees, his slightly scarred fingertips brushed along the name and date engravings that he had made his first year here. "I, I'm sorry..." he muttered again, his voice cracking. Like it made a difference what he said or did now... He shakily took out the letters he had written to his mother during the year following the fire and placed them in the grave, along with the sticker plane. He felt the color slowly start to leave his face as starts burst infront of his eyes. Em had wanted to give him a late birthday since he had been unconscious for most of his ninth, but he didn't allow it; besides, it wasn't going to be a Happy Birthday without them. He hadn't wanted to celebrate...anything since his family died.

He didn't want a celebration. Today was nothing to celebrate. They especially should not be celebrating him: birth, appreciation, or otherwise. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve any of it. Brought into this world only to kill the people who bought him into it. Nothing to celebrate.... Nothing... Nothing... an unexplainable rage started to take over him. Why? He felt himself start to shake. Why?! He blindly reached into his knapsack and took out one of the last remaining items: a mirror. At least this year he actually remembered to bring something that he could break. All of the sudden he was on his feet, his fingers curled around the handle; with the last of his will power, he hurled it at a tree. Edmund felt like screaming too, but bit his lip to stop himself. He watched the mirror shatter; watched it fall apart. He exhaled and sat back down again, shaking; his energy completely zapped out out of him. That was also when he remembered that he was still biting his lip. He relaxed, the taste of blood flooding his mouth. Edmund walked over to where the mirror was and picked it up by the handle, looking into his distorted face.

All of the sudden, he wasn't looking at the hand mirror, but at a dresser mirror. His face became younger: nine years old. Out of the shattered picture, he could see Em standing in the door. "Feel better?" her sharp voice asked, her eyes looking at the broken glass in distain. The younger version of Ed picked up whatever was closest to him on the dresser (in this case a small statue) and threw it against the door. The door slammed before it even got a chance to connect to the woman behind it. The seventeen year old muffled a slight whimper and lowered the mirror, trudging back infront of the grave site. Breaking the mirror hadn't really made him feel better. He had broken nearly all the things in the room Em gave him after he had been in the hospital; doing it then hadn't made him feel any better either, but at least he knew that something else was just as shattered as he was feeling. For a moment, he just stared at the engravings on the stone, then his fingers lightly drifted across Meg's death date: March 25.

It was safe to say he didn't get any sleep that night.

[/size]

[Deleted]

Nightmare, Daydream, or Reality?

Stare at the wall. Try not to fall asleep. Fight with Kyoto over eating. Try not to remember. Fight with Kyoto over everything. Try not to panic attack. Fight with Kyoto. Try not to go insane. Stay shut up. Try not to have a PTSD episode. Fight. Get tranquilized. Repeat.

Being in the infirmary with only Kyoto for company would drive anyone crazy. Throw in that Edmund hated hospitals and it was pretty much inevitable that he'd fail at some aspects staying sane in here. Then again... he had always been insane... had always been a failure... had always been useless... it just hadn't come into light until about now...

914-123-1024

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

Edmund curled his body inwards, his head lightly brushing Em's dresses. She didn't smell anything like his mom...

"Hello you've reached the office of Alexia Simons. I'm currently away from my desk, but leave a name, number, and short message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you for calling!"

Beep.

The nine year old twisted the phone cord. He had made the wall extension wire himself so it would stretch all the way into his hiding space. It's curly wires were getting weaved in and out between his hyperactive fingers.

"M-Mom...? Can you come and get me?"

Edmund stared at the wall and ceiling. That's what he did for the most of his time. He couldn't fight. He couldn't wood carve. He couldn't do anything. He had around eight years of sleep to catch up on, but he didn't want to do that either...

914-798-0625

"Hi, it's Alexia. I can't come to the phone right now, but you know what to do, so do it!"

"Mom.... it's Ed..."

914-521-0964

"Hello, you've reached 914-521-0964. I am unavailable now, but please leave a message after the beep."

"Dad...."

No matter how hard he tried... he still couldn't hear them. All he could hear was a muffled, distorted version of their voice. Oh gods... why hadn't he recorded any of the messages?

914-123-1024

Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.

"Hello you've reached the office of Alexia Simons. I'm currently away from my desk, but leave a name, number, and short message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thank you for calling!"

914-798-0625

"Hi, it's Alexia. I can't come to the phone right now, but you know what to do, so do it!"

914-521-0964

"Hello, you've reached 914-521-0964. I am unavailable now, but please leave a message after the beep."

Edmund stayed silent on the other end, before hanging up, and dialing the numbers again.

So much for not remembering.... amazing what memories could resurface when one had nothing to do but had time to think. Exactly what Edmund had done his best to avoid for seven years.... But it wasn't like he could do anything to stop it.... He didn't have the energy, or even willpower, for well... anything.

914-123-1024

"Hello, we are sorry you cannot get through. You have reached a number that is no long-"

The telephone receiver slammed down into its cradle.

914-798-0625

"Hello, we are sorry you cannot get-"

Slam.

914-521-0964

"Hello, we-"

Edmund never dialed the numbers again.

He wasn't sure when he began slipping in and out of conscience. Probably when his body gave up on him and had enough with lack of sleep. Besides, Edmund had no sense of night or day anymore; time went over his head. All he could do to pass it was try to focus on not remembering and not going to sleep. He could have been in this white room with only Kyoto for company for months; he wouldn't have known. The crackling of fire that had always been in his ears was replaced with the high pitched buzz of silence. No windows either. Just a door that Kyoto entered and exited. A door that Edmund would always try to sneak out of, but never succeed...

Stare at the wall. Try not to fall asleep. Fight with Kyoto over eating. Try not to remember. Fight with Kyoto over everything. Try not to panic attack. Fight with Kyoto. Try not to go insane. Stay shut up. Try not to have a PTSD episode. Fight. Get tranquilized. Repeat.

"Edmund, time for school!"

"But I don't want to-"

"He's rebellious."

"A distraction."

"Can't focus for his life."

"You're weird..."

"Why can't you just... stay at ONE school?!"

"I'm trying!"

"Bad influence."

"He doesn't pay attention."

"He's not even trying!"

"Yes, in the boiler room, what is wrong with him?!"

"HE DESTROYED THE COMPUTER!"

"No I didn't! I... I put it back together! Now it's all better! It had a bad chip...."

"Doesn't he know that going up on a roof is-"

"Against policy."

"Against policy."

"I'm sorry but he'll have to leave."

"Leave."

"LEAVE."

"Where are you going, Simons? Geek squad?"

"They won't leave me alone! Why can't you just keep me at home?!"

"Edmund, time for school!"

It could have been a month for all he knew. All he knew for certain was that Kyoto came in everyday to shoot him with a tranquilizer and force feed him...

Why couldn't they just let him leave?

The room was on fire.

The ceiling collapsed.

He was going to die in here.

"Ed, the fire... They, They're dead."

"Did you try to get her out?"

"I.... I don't know...."

Edmund was left staring at the white ceiling again.

He had left all of them to burn.

"It's completely destroyed and it's not coming back... yes, it's called a skin graft. Quite common with 3rd degree burn patients. No, no... that's not necessary. He'll keep his legs. He'll be able to walk and run eventually, but it needs surgery, time, and a lot of pain killers."

"Why can't I remember?"

"It's called retrograde repression. I don't think you'll ever remember."

"Edmund!"

"Ed!"

"Can you make it for me? Plllllllllllllease?"

"I need to know.... if I show you something bad... will you love me?"

Birthday. Edmund blinked, glaring at two figures. One was Kyoto and the other one was someone he should have recognized... but kind of didn't. She was holding balloons... Why couldn't they get it through their thick skulls that he hated his birthday? His eyes semi zoned... he didn't have to listen to them.... "GET OUT!"

"EDMUND. GET OUT! GET OUT!! GO!"

Ed saw the open door, flames starting to appear around the frame. He got up and walked through the door almost in a daze. He wasn't sure what made him do it, but his legs took him to a structure with smoke coming out of the top. He gently pushed the door open. Mistake. The room was on fire.

Edmund froze for a minute before turning and running as fast as he could in the opposite direction. He reached the edge of a forest, lined with bushes and various other vegetation. Ed crawled behind a bush, trying to get as far away as he could from the burning building. He crouched there and waited for the sound of sirens that would never come.

[Deleted]

AU (maybe) :: The Day I Died

As you may (or may not) know, I'm killing one of my characters during the war. I rolled a di and have the results. I'm not divulging on anything though. It's a 50/50 between Ed and Ryan. Of course, Jackie and I had to be cruel to ourselves and RP out a death scene and then....

Jackie: oh wouldn't it be sad if it [dying] was the lotus casino style and Ed sees Meg but she doesn't recognize him and when Ed tries to tell her he's her brother, shell be all like no, hes *insert age*

So Jackie gave me ideas and what do I do? I run with them.....

~~~~~~~~~

Back into battle. Mount Orthy's take two. Quest take two. Real life experience fighting take three. Edmund had never wanted to do something like this ever again, but he didn't have a choice did he? Life seldom let him do what he wanted. Life was seldom so obedient to his wants. Oh well, Edmund was used to be disappointed anyway. Besides, the Legion had trained them for this stuff well. Ed was barely tired, although that could be his ADHD and adrenaline on an all time high.

Simons the war machine didn't get defeated easily. Cuts, scratches, and bruises, so what? He'd heal. He always did. He'd keep fighting. He always would. The seventeen year old lashed out, taking out yet another enemy. Sure, he was banged up a bit, but that could've been expected from a training session with his cohort. He felt energized. Alive. He had been trained for this, had trained for seven years for this. The battle against Saturn and his forces seemed to be going rather well on his end.... he might just make it. But then, of course he had thought to soon. This is what positive thinking did to him. Gods, the universe just loved to prove him wrong. It had all been going fine... until he felt something go through his side. He felt the blade twist; ow. He bit his tongue, letting out a muffled scream. Already, he could feel his body curling in protectively; it didn't help when the blade was yanked out. His hand wanted to stem the bleeding, but he knew that if he put his arm down now he was instantly dead. Through his pain, he could hear Jolly and Ashby yelling at him. Cursing his stupidity. Quite frankly, he was cursing his own carelessness out too. He was dead. So... so dead. Even if he didn't die, Jolly and Ashby would never let him live it down....

Suddenly, his entire world tilted and warped. His sword arm haphazardly lashed out, trying to at least take his attacker down with him. Edmund wasn't sure whether he got his enemy or not, but he did hear something that vaguely sounded like his name. The male screwed his eyes shut in pain, his dominant hand finally dropping the sword and closing around the stab wound. Shock started taking over and his body was floating, no more pain... yet. He felt his body automatically start to curl in, as if that would stop it from bleeding. A few seconds later, the face of Felicity Weingarten came swimming into view. "Hey, Felicity," Edmund muttered thickly. Just the effort of talking sent black spots to obscure his vision. Felicity. Of course, out of everyone, it had to be her to see him die. Die. He was dying. He oddly felt okay with it... Then again, he had been ready to die ever since they got sent off on the quest... Well, it was now or never. "....sorry," he said quietly.

Sorry. For dying? For being such a jerk? For potentially hurting her feelings over and over? For not being there for her? For not being able to help more during the quest? For repeatedly trying to push her away? For never telling her how much she actually meant to him? For everything. Just. Everything. If she said something back, he didn't hear her. All he knew was that she was positioning him into something that resembled a hug. She was hugging him and he could do nothing about it unless he wanted his wound to open up more. Oh, how unfair... A half smirk flickered across his face. "Hey.... that, that was one of your goals... was, wasn't it?" he asked breathlessly, referring to the hug, a light tease in his voice.

"Stop." She took a deep breath as if to steel herself. Yup, definitely too late for joking around like that. "Think you have one more trip in you? Any place you want, you should see something happy instead of this....." Instead of this... instead of what? He could barely see anything now except her face...

Edmund inhaled, suddenly aware of how little his oxygen lungs were able to take. Nope, no way he could move, much less shadow travel. Besides, wherever they went, there would be civilians, mortals. ".....no, no scaring the innocents..." he gasped out before starting to cough up blood. After the stars settled, he was once again looking at her face. That's when he realized. He would be looking at something happy. Or rather someone he equated with happiness. ".... I will..." he said quietly, looking directly at her. He was able to hold his gaze for a few seconds, focusing on her. Only her. His acquaintance, his partner in crime, his rival for a sass off, his ally against the gods and infirmary, and..... his best friend. He should probably tell her that... that she was his best friend... that he owed her so much, that he was going to miss her... but it was a bit past that point. He could hardly breathe, forget talking.

It could have been a few seconds, it could have been a few minutes. No matter what the time gap though, time seemed to drag. Felicity, being the ever confusing, stayed. Of course she would... this was the girl who defended him and looked out for him... who mental enough to befriend him... what else did he expect...? Then, his eyes lost focus. Edmund fought the last battle of his life: he blinked, trying to keep Felicity in focus. He kept fighting to see her eyes, even as the the dark spots took over, and a bright, white light appeared....

~~~~~~~~~

The Underworld. Edmund wasn't entirely sure what to expect. All the money he didn't have said that he was going into the Fields of Punishment. The seventeen year old looked around. What did he do now? Wait in line? Ugh, lines... "PLUTO! It's me, Simons. I'm dead! You happy now? You finally get your freaking revenge with an eternity of punishment thrown in!" Probably not the best to bait Pluto, but whatever, he was dead. He'd be a sarcastic little jerk if he felt like it. Where was that blasted god of the underworld anyway? If anyone was going to be happy that he was dead, it was that jerk. Edmund had almost expected him to be throwing a party. That's when someone familiar walked into his vision. Six, brown hair, a jump in her step... Meghan Simons. "Meg..." Edmund muttered, his voice suddenly cracking. He really was dead. If it was a hallucination it was a really good one. But heck, the hallucinations in the ruins had been convincing. Although, this was probably the real deal. Even the smell of burnt hair was filling the space. "Meg!" he spoke up, watching the child continue to skip around. Finally, she seemed to notice him. Her old grin spread across her face and she scampered over.

"Hi!" she greeted, eyes bright. "What's your name? Are you lost? This place can get kind of confusing!"

For a few seconds, all Edmund could do was stare at her. She just stood there, grinning and waiting for a response. "Meg, I'm-"

"Oh, you know my name already?! Did you know my brother?" she asked, excitement making her shift from foot to foot in excitement. "His name was Edmund and he used to build me planes! He used to build me a lot of stuff. He said he fixed our computer! He also said he was going to make me a flying plane, just like we see on the TV but out of wood, but he never gave it to me. Do you know why boys are always so weird? Mom and Dad always said he'd come, but in a really long time. I don't like waiting. But I guess it's good if he doesn't come down, because that means he didn't die! But still, I want more company. Not many of the other children stay, they just go to a really nice peaceful place. A really nice old man with wings came and said I could go too, it's called Ellie-lie-sun, but I told him I didn't want to. I wanted to stay and wait for my brother! My mom and dad are staying too! What happened to your side? I have a mark like that too, but it's not all red. Mine's all dark brown. Actually, a lot of my stomach is. And my hair smells weird, but I've gotten used to it. And I have a hand print. I think it's how I died. I saw a lot of people that look like me! You don't talk much do you?"

Ed blinked, trying to absorb all of that. The last person that had spoken that much to him had been Lyn, and even she hadn't gone on that long. After that entire monologue though, the only thing he could come up with was "No, I don't.... Meg, I-"

"Oh, well that's okay. I'll do most of it, if you want. How do you feel about the TV show Arthur?"

"MAY." Well, if anything, that got her attention. "Meg. It's me..."

Her turn to blink. "Who...? You didn't even tell me your name! My brother used to call me May."

Edmund exhaled, feeling slightly desperate. "Meghan, c'mon, it's me. Edmund."

Meghan took a step back and studied him, hard. "No you're not. You're so much older!"

"Well, that's what happened. You... You died... and, and I grew up..."

Meg shook her head. "Dad told me that boys grew fast, but not that fast," she said with a small giggle.

"No, Meg. It really is me. Want to test?" he asked, sitting down.

"But you're not Edmund..." she frowned, sitting down.

"Try me."

"Mom's hair clip."

"Dad gave it to her. Jade, dragon fly. Engagement present."

"My stuffed animal."

"Simba from The Lion King, but you named him LeeLee."

"Edmund's stuffed animal."

"Teddybear named Pancake."

Meghan wrinkled her noise. "Did he tell you all of this? Last time I saw him, he didn't like telling people things. It got him into trouble."

"You have no idea." Edmund muttered under his breath. "No, I never told anyone anything. You have to believe me, please."

Meghan tilted her head, her small lip coming out to pout. "And if I don't?"

For a moment, all Edmund could do was look at her, speechless. "Then... Then I don't know what I'm going to do."

[Deleted]

EDMUND AND THE WHITE WITCH
aka Ed/Trivia and Ed getting tempted to join Saturn
aka Ed you're an idiot, why are you even listening to her?!

I. Shouldn't've Let Them In
II. But Ponder This....

I. Shouldn't've Let Them In

Edmund: *throws his plane across the field*
Trivia: -twirls her finger and makes the plane fly around- "Little Eddie-mund, how are you today?"
Ed: *tenses slightly at her sudden appearance, watching the plane fly around and doens't answer*
Trivia: "Oh come now, you can talk to me." -smiles as she walks a bit closer to him, keeping over arms length away-
Edmund: *watches her move closer to him, but doesn't move and just keeps watching the plane*
Trivia: -aims the palne back at him letting it hover infront of of him- "Nothing? Not even a hello?"
Edmund: *looks at it, eye level, before looking at Trivia* ....hi.
Trivia: -smirks- "Hello, don't want it back?"
Ed: *looks at the plane for a moment before slowly shaking his head* ....no
Trivia: -makes the plane fly around a bit before letting it land in her hands- "Fair enough, I know where it can go" -makes it dissapear with an unusually kind smile-
Edmund: *blinks slightly and watches it until trivia makes it dissapear*
Trivia: "So, you're been unexpectantly docile recently." -her sly smirk is back-
Ed: And? *starts twisting a piece of grass*
Trivia: "I miss my rambunctious Eddie-mund."
Ed: i'm sure
Trivia: "It's always been so fun to watch."
Ed: *stands up* Glad that all I've been is entertainment to the gods. *glares* Then again, that's all we ever have been, isn't it?!
Trivia: -smiles- "What more are you to others? Are you a friend? A lover? A brother? No, you push those away, so you're mear entertainment for those in camp as well."
Ed: 21.media.tumblr.com/c036ec6ceba26e17eeb94e5494badf2e/tumblr_myscszcsmF1shi0hyo1_r1_250.gif .... you make sense for once.
Trivia: -steps a bit closer, tilting her head looking at him- "Yes, it happens once in a while." -smirks- "You don't let people in, or you didn't. You've gotten attached, it hurts a bit. You shouldn't have let them."
Ed: *looks at her* I know
Trivia: "How will you fix that? Waiting outside the infirmary for them to come out doesn't seem to be helping your cause."
Ed: *shrugs*
Trivia: -smirks- "I'm sure you'll think of something. You probably hate the way they make you feel after all, push them away. Thier pain will be agonizing, but oh well."
Edmund: *eyes lose focus and he just stares out into space, debating*
Trivia: -watches him not moving, standing straight, her eyes full of a malicious curiosity.-
Ed: (quietly) No, their pain won't be. Felicity barely remembers anything. *shuts his eyes suddenly and shakes his head* Why... am I even telling you this…
Trivia: "Oh? No pain?" -smirks- "You think you'll be the only one hurt then?" -shrugs- "I don't really think you're trying to tell me. I think your trying to convince yourself they'll be better off, that they don't love you."
Ed: ....No, I won't be. *swallows slightly* They won't be either... *looks at her* I don't need convincing of that. I know it.
Trivia: -laughs a bit- "You should tell them you know. Perhaps if they admit it you can both move on faster."
Ed: 25.media.tumblr.com/6044f143989e0ee50476579ee7384da9/tumblr_myuv2cjder1safizuo2_250.gif
Trivia: "No? It'll end the pain faster. But, I can't tell you what to do" -shrugs-
Ed: *just shakes his head slightly before looking semi lost*
Trivia: -steps a bit closer- "If you are convinced they don't love you, tell them."
Ed: *doesn't even back up* Why even tell them when they know it themselves?
Trivia: "Because then they don't realize you know."
Ed: *shrugs*
Trivia: -says softly- "You should tell them anyway, and leave them. You don't need them. You never needed them."
Ed: *shakes head slightly* Nah, they never needed me.
Trivia: -nods a bit- "Of course not." -smiles- "Who would you tell first? When they try and tell you again they care. Who will you tell you know they don't mean it?"
Ed: *partially opens mouth and looks in the direction of the infirmary* Old Felicity.
Trivia: "You'd have to wait for those memory's of hers to come back, it's a slow trickle."
Edmund: *half shuts eyes* Lyn.... or, or Charlie, then.
Trivia: "Good, good. Find them then Edmund. Charlie is -place- Lyn is, well in the infirmary at the moment, but she'll be out shortly." -smirks-
Ed: 24.media.tumblr.com/3de11c402c718a916436d2a5f5925379/tumblr_myuv2cjder1safizuo3_250.gif *and blinks, staring off into the distance*
Trivia: -smirks and leaves quietly, no smoke, no explosions, just leaves-
Ed: *looks back over to ask something, but she's gone, and he's alone..... again*

II. But Ponder This...

Ed: *walks out into the fields with cinny and has him open up one of his compartments* Hey, Trivia! *looks around* You want any more planes?
Trivia: "Sweet Edmund, you offer them? Never thought I'd hear that." -smirks as she appears behind him-
Ed: *whips around, tensing slightly; semi eyerolls and takes out the ten that he made while they were away*
Trivia: -waves her hand after saying a few words in latin to get them to fly around- "And I assume this comes as a cost?"
Edmund: No.
Trivia: -raises an eye brow- "No?"
Ed: *shakes head* No reason to have them. Have no use for them.
Trivia: -smiles- "Thank you Edmund. How kind."
Ed: Don't get used to it
Trivia: "Oh certainly not, I simply expect you to act as you wish."
Ed: Right...
Trivia: -smiles- "If you need a bit of help though, I'll do what I can. Can't interfear with demi-god lives directly or kill anyone for you you understand.."
Ed: Help from a god? Funny.
Trivia: "Take the genie rules with this, mostly because I'm not a fool that likes to make mortals fall in love."
Ed: *scoffs and semi shakes head*
Trivia: "I heard there's been quite the uproar. Five found in pieces, on dead on the infirmary steps. Had you heard?"
Ed: *inhales slightly and tenses* Yes.
Trivia: "Someone missing, what was the boy's name? Robertson?"
Ed: *nods slightly* Robinson. Centurion of the Third Cohort.
Trivia: "Robinson, that's right. How's the investigation of that going?"
Ed: *sighs slightly* Haven't been able to find him.... *looks at her and then hesitates* Do you have any idea where he went?
Trivia: -smiles- "I know exactly where he is."
Ed: *looks at her* Where is he?
Trivia: -mulls it over a moment- "Mount Orthys."
Ed: *opens mouth slightly, letting confusion flicker over his face, eyebrows scrunching together slightly* ....why?
Trivia: "He certainly couldn't stay here, not after the Olympians sat idely by as an innocent girl was tortured and killed."
Ed: His girlfriend. Kaylee?
Trivia: -nods- "I suppose the injuries she sustained hadn't gotten around. The sword mark in her legs, stomach, or how her arm was nearly cut off."
Ed: *half shuts eyes, his mind already going full steam visual* So... what's that mean? Turn coat? Life bargain?
Trivia: "I woundn't say turn coat, he did bargin with Saturn to keep his cohort safe."
Ed: But he's not coming back. I mean.... he is, but not on "friendly" terms.
Trivia: "I don't know, passion comes and goes."
Ed: Brilliant. I won't know wheather to chop off his head or not.
Trivia: "You can go talk to him" -smiles- "I can take you there, just a chat. Bring you back if you want."
Ed: *looks at her* ......you serious?
Trivia: -offers out her hand- "I can't promise your saftey."
Ed: *eye rolls slightly and takes her hand*
Trivia: "Shadow or teleport?"
Edmund: Whichever
Trivia: -teleports them to Mouth Orthys where Nick is.-
Ed: *braced himself for feeling sick, but doesn't and opens his eyes*
Trivia: -looks up at the black marble fortress- "A bit over the top don't you think?" -smirks.- "You'll be fine with me, I'm on Saturn's side too."
Ed: *scoffs* Just a bit. *looks at her* Oh. Ode to joy.
Trivia: "Promise I'll take you back, I'm not here to force you to stay after all" -smirks as she walks to wherever Nick is-
Ed: Sure. *walks over: ....force me to stay...?*
Trivia: "I don't know all his reasons for being here. Why have you decided to come?"
Ed: None of your buisness.
Trivia: -chuckles a bit- "I'm just the cabbie, making conversation."
Nick: *polishing his new black armor*
Trivia: -waves- "How's our latest little recruit doing?"
Ed: *just stands there, eyeing him*
Nick: *turns and looks at Trivia and then looks at Edmund* Trivia... what in tatarus are you doing here simons?
Trivia: "Just the cabbie, don't mind me" -smiles-
Ed: *gives a sarcastic wave* Just giving my daily "Hi You're an idiot" line
Nick: *frowns* well you did it, now leave! or are you here for good?
Ed: *hesitates slightly* No *isn't sure which question he's saying it to or if he's even telling the truth* Are you?
Trivia: -smirks and walks off to look around a bit, and dissapears-
Nick: here for good? yes I am. *he replied feeling that something just broke again inside* now, you leave now, or I'll kill a legionarie, right here.
Edmund: Why besides blind, stupid, emotional, sentimental grief are you staying? *scoffs* I'd like to see you try.
Nick: Simons... you didn't see her body... you... you couldn't imagine what they did to her!... *his hands trembled in wrath again* I killed 5 demigods at Camp... I couldn't stay... not in a place where the gods don't care if a young innocent woman is killed as they killed her! *smirks insanly* I killed them... with my bare hands... why do you think you would be safe?
Ed: (calmly with flat effect) Injuries to the legs, the stomach, with her arm nearly torn off. I think I can imagine pretty well. Yeah? And killing them makes you JUST as bad as whatever killed Kaylee. PEOPLE DIE EVERY DAY! *glares at him* I know I'm not safe. Screw being SAFE. I haven't been freaking SAFE for six months.
Nick: I... DONT... CARE!!! I don't care if a school bus dives into the lake! she died because of me! I wasn't there! She stayed in camp because of me!! I killed them, because gods didn't care... I don't care if I'm a monster, I did what I needed to do to keep others safe from them... others like Lyn.
Ed: So they're going to be safe when you guys attack camp? (sarcastic as heck) That's pure logic!
Nick: she will be safe... third will be safe. *saturn promised it... right?
Ed: How do you know for sure? This is a freaking Titan you're talking about, Robinson.
Nick: yes... he knows more than we do... simons... just come with us... help us... you know t'how the gods had never cared! after this war, there won't be another.
Ed: *scoffs* Yeah, right. I know. But I'm not ditching. I don't care if they don't care. They're nothing to me anyways. And you don't know that. Look, the only way you know for sure is if you help them yourself. You said you weren't there for Kaylee. At least be there for your freaking cohort! Lyn's upset because you're "missing", she's upset because you left her. You may have lost Kaylee but that doesn't mean you drop everything, kill people, and run. ((and behold, Ed’s longest time talking))
Rhia: -throws down a sand bag- "That a new record for you Simons?"
Nick: things have been done Edmund... leave and protect Lyn. *he spoke for a moment as the careing centurion, then he heard Rhia* he's not staying RHiannon... *he said looking at simons, again with an air of being more than anyother in the world*
Ed: *stiffens and turns around* Warlow.... *nods curtly* I think so. [Nick] Am I?
Nick: *looks at Ed* well, if you're staying... there are plenty of rooms.
Rhia: "Or stay here and protect Lyn, what better way than to get people on the opposite side to fight for you?" -her armor and sword on her hip-
Ed: [Nick] *eyeroll* Didn't say I was doing that either. [Rhia] *looks at her, hesitating slightly*
Nick: *shrugs and passes his hand among his hair* rhia's got a point.
Rhia: -looks at ed- "If you command an army, or even a division you can command them to capture instead of kill."
Edmund: Yeah *scoffs* and capture means what? dungeons? starvation? brain washing?
Nick: a honorable treatment, not what camp does. rhia, deal with him... I'll go check some stuff. *walks aways*
Rhia: -scoffs- "Agreed. We won't torture like Stone and Kyoto did to me."
Ed: Arguably our six months of hell were put to waste
Rhia: "That depends on who you fight for. Saturn has it now. Did you even know what it does?"
Ed: No
Rhia: "It was made with Pandora's Pithos. It was made to call all the bad things back to the box."
Ed: "Bad things" is just perspective
Rhia: -sighs- "Violant death, disease..." -lists off some of the things released from the box-
Ed: .....right
Rhia: "It calls them back to be trapped in the box again"
Ed: And is this to happen before or after you guys attack us?
Rhia: "I'm not even sure attacking camp is nessassary. Remember last time Camp came to take down Orthys?"
Ed: *scowls slightly* So what are you going to do? Send scorpions? Have half the camp work for Saturn without the other half knowing? You don't expect us to just... let Saturn take over.
Rhia: "Camps the first to throw the gauntlet down. They will attack, and we will defend."
Ed: Or we can just do nothing and stalemate for years. *rolls eyes*
Rhia: "You forget, Saturn's fight isn't with Demi-gods. It's with the Olympians. We'll attack Mount Olympas."
Ed: And if we just let the Humpty Dumptys deal with it themselves?
Rhia: -smirks- "The Olympians couldn't win without demi-gods. The Titans can."
Ed: *rolls eyes* Idiots
Rhia: "I tried getting Stone to be neutral in the fight, but his elevator doesn't go all the way up."
Ed: *scoffs slightly* Oh I know
Rhia: "Why did you come here?"
Ed: To find Robinson and tell him he's an idiot.
Rhia: "You've done it. Now what? You going to leave? Or stay? You don't even have to fight. No drills, you don't have to deal with people if you don't want to. I have daggers if you want to use Nick as target practice."
Ed: *smirks* Tempting.... but no. Bye. *turns around and starts out*
Rhia: "If you change your mind, mountains not moving anywhere."
Ed: *pauses slightly and looks over* Oh don't worry. I'm sure I'll be losing plenty of sleep over it. *continues down* Trivia, you're taking me back.
Trivia: "Not staying?"//Rhia: "You're f*****g kidding me..."
Ed: No. *keeps walking and then stops, putting his hand out*
Trivia: -takes his hand and in another step they are in camp- "Back where you started then. Enlightening little trip?"
Ed: *looks around* Oh. Very.
Trivia: "Saturn's not so bad you know, or at least he doesn't have a camp full of childeren." -smiles- "I can always ask Saturn to let me fight against camp. Put a few of your friends to sleep and smuggle them out of harms way in a fight."
Ed: *eyes her* Right.
Trivia: -shrugs- "But I don't do things for free, not often at any rate. You'd have to make sure my little girl doesn't die instantly. Tell me when she is about to die and anyone you want safe, will be."
Ed: Warlow?
Trivia: "Yes, Rhiannon. Either side you are on, I don't care."
Ed: Sure. Another thing I'll probably lose sleep over. *eyeroll*
Trivia: "You don't sleep much anyway"
Ed: Exactly

[Deleted]

Happy Valentine's Day
((aka the short where I'm playing the "has ed really gone crazy, is this ooc, or is this character development" game))

Edmund stared at his rose collection. Eight of them to be precise. One white, three pink, three yellow, one blue. Trivia, Felicity, Nova, Unknown, Ronan, Mercury, Josh, Lyn. Seven cards. Felicity, Clare, Tessa, Lyn, Nova, Charlie, Ronan. Five of the seven asking him to come back. Two of those five promising that if he did, he wouldn't get bothered. For the longest time, he simply stared at them. Last year at this time, he had been sitting across from Charlie eating chicken parmesan. She had given him a tool kit. He had given her books on different sorts of weapons around the world. He swallowed slightly, looking through the vase of flowers and wondering if his co-centurion had burned anything he had left behind. If she had destroyed everything he had ever given her. The shield, the books... everything... a lie. Last year, this time... things had been so different. No quest. No outburst at the gods. No planes burned. No world crumbling around all of them....

He suddenly snatched the letters into one hand, neatened them into a pile, and called Cinny over to him. The shredder made a small humming noise before brushing up against Ed's knee. Jadis. She must've hated him too. Back for a month and then gone again. She had nearly killed him in her excitement. She had been so happy and he hadn't seen her in so long... No matter. She was much better off with Tessa and Ronan. Edmund glared at the papers in his hand and hovered them above the shredder's blades. Cinny rose slightly to get access to them and Edmund was suddenly in a rather painful dejavu. A ghost pain flashed down his left arm. His fight in the principia with Remus. Shredding files. Shredding letters. Denying either of them ever existed. Cinny sensed his hesitation and let out a small whine. "Don't be ridiculous, Cinny. I have no need for them. They're meaningless."

Meaningless.

The list of reasons you left. You joining Saturn topped it.

Thank you.

Felicity... you shouldn't have come. Ed, stop this. Please.
Both Ed and please. Almost in the same sentence.
Kidnapping must've done him in.

You never fixed Metal Bird.

You hurt Lyn really bad. Last I saw, she was putting up missing posters for you.

You hurt Felicity too, so you are going down, hard. For both of them.

When I escape, I can skewer all you traitors.... You all are going to end up as pikes with your head on top of them anyways.

I'm going to wring your neck for this... I will kill you.

Choices one makes Simons.

Nah, they never needed me.

You said you weren't there for Kaylee. At least be there for your freaking cohort! Lyn's upset because you're "missing", she's upset because you left her.

Trivia! I.... I'm taking you up on your offer.

Help me break out one of the idiots and I'll make Lyn hate you.

If you want someone dead, kill them, don't do some wimpy countdown.

Well, since apparently it's custom for traitors to give prisoners gifts... No, I've come down here to give you a sandwich and to tell you you're an idiot.

The notes. The drawings. The map. Unknown. The flowers. Unknown.

The prism. The spray bottle. The flashlight. The denarii. Unknown.

Cinny shrunk down and whined again. "Do not give me that, Cineribus," Edmund muttered, turning the leaflets over in his hands. No card from Mars turning him into an animal this year...

I wish you hadn’t gone to Saturn’s side. Please come back.
I miss you.
I'm sorry. Please come back.
....so please come back....
I miss having you around and I wish you would come back.
I miss you, I hope you come back.

One from Jolly.
One from freaking Jolly.
And out of all of them, hers was the one claiming that people cared about him.

Edmund glared through the letters, his focus on breathing. He didn't even know why he had bothered reading them. His hand curled around them, slightly wrinkling the paper. He should've burned them from the first moment he got them...

Cinny rammed him in the ankle, jarring him out of his thoughts. "What? You're not a freaking therapist. That's Carroll's job." Edmund scowled and walked a few paces away from his machine. "Then again, you'd probably get a lot of money for all the recordings you have." Cinny gave a sort of purr and followed him, growing taller. "I'm not going back. You must be mental to think I'm going back." Cinny gave a slight hiss and then ejected one of his drawers. "Don't even think about it Mister," Edmund growled, kicking the compartment shut. Cinny gave a whimper in protest and ejected the drawer again. "You know I could deprogram you," Edmund muttered in an empty threat. Cinny gave a patient click and waited. "Sorry for kicking you," he added after a pause. The shredder fully ejected the drawer from his body and zoomed a few yards away.

"C'mon Cinny, don't do this to me..." Edmund muttered, finally looking at the contents Cinny had thrown out of his system. Charlie's toolbox. Levi's set of carving knives. A letter. A set of Stitch ears. A plushy penguin. An encyclopedia of animals. A teddy bear. Two notebooks. What remained of the first aid kit Tessa had given him.

"Point made. Now: Come. Back. Here." Cinny obliged and rolled back over. Edmund picked up the drawer with the contents and latched it back onto Cinny's mainframe. He paused there, crouched down, draw halfway in. "What am I doing?" he sighed. All it would take was another spray bottle and a mirror but no. He had made it this way. He couldn't go back. Although there were times... times like these. Where be knew before he had a few people at Camp. Now, he had no one except Cinny. A design of his own making. He made it purposefully this way. His own fault. But still.... The track clicked back into place.

Before closing the drawer, he hesitated for a second, and then slipped the five letters in. As soon as Ed's fingers were out of the way, Cinny slammed the drawer on his own accord and zoomed away before Edmund could change his mind. The demigod semi rolled his eyes and shook his head before looking over to the machine and muttering a passcode. The machine dinged and then started whining again. "What?" Edmund's hand twitched by his side, and then his fingers starting drumming on the side of his pants. After a few seconds, he curled his right hand into a fist, forcing himself to stop. "You should consider yourself lucky, you know," Edmund sighed, sitting back down. Cinny crawled over to him and stayed, purring softly by his knee. "Most people don't get to hear me talk this much. They say talking to yourself is bad. I don't really think so. I mean, I'm not. I'm talking to something. I'm talking to you. I used to vent to my walls and stuffed animals all the time. Pre-legion. Haven't done it since... not until I came here and got suck with you. I mean... Sorry. I didn't mean that in a bad way. I brought you here, didn't I?" Not the right thing to say either. He suddenly got up and started pacing again. Cinny spun with him, tracking his movements. "I shouldn't have gotten you into this mess," Edmund muttered. "What the hell was I thinking... thinking you'd be useful..." No no. But Cinny was useful. Much more useful than Ed would ever be... "Thinking you could do this... Thinking you could freaking work for once in your life." And in that moment, Edmund completely forgot his point of reference. He knew he wasn't talking to Cinny.... and there was no one else in the room. Knowing it still sounded like he was talking to the machine, a frown flickered across Ed's face. "I'm sorry, Cinny. I didn't mean that...." he said quietly, unconsciously patting the shredder's head. No, he didn't mean it... Not to his machine at least. But to what then? There was nothing else in the room. Nothing but him, Cinny, and the flowers.

Flowers. Right. He still had to figure out what to do with those...

Trivia, Felicity, Nova, Unknown, Ronan, Mercury, Josh, Lyn.

He took the white one, the pink one with no tag, and the yellow one from Mercury. "Cinny."

If he gave the verbal command or the telepathic one, he had no idea. A nanosecond later though, the three roses were flaming and burning in his hand. Despite the fire so close to him, Edmund just stayed there. Forcing himself to watch, to not flinch, and to feel the heat on his face. Ever since he had been commissioned to make Saturn his scythe, he had forced himself back into the forge. Back to fire. Get comfortable with it. He knew he never could be. Not after his house and the quest, but still, he had to try. He was able to do it until the flames started to work their way down the stems. After that, Edmund forgot all will power and dropped them, half stumbling backwards.

Three down. Five to go.

Felicity, Nova, Ronan, Josh, Lyn.

He took them in his hands, faced the machine, and shut his eyes. "Cinny."

The shredder moved closer. Ed heard the whirring, the sound of the machine arming itself... and then the flowers were gone from his hand.

Edmund cracked his eyes open. No more flowers. Just Cinny, standing still infront of him.

"You shouldn't have done that."

Cinny merely clicked in response, inching up to Edmund and gently bumping his knee.

"I know...." he muttered, rubbing his neck.

"Sorry."

[Deleted]

Unsent Letters (Take Two)
I had a headcanon that Edmund almost left Felicity a goodbye note, but then chickened out. It is now canon xD

Today was it. Edmund was leaving camp. Leaving camp and not looking back. He had finally gotten the guts to do it. Trivia would be a good choice. Give her the rest of his planes in return for a trip to Orthys for a permanent residence. He placed all the planes that he had once carved with care into a bag and snapped it shut. He couldn't even make them anymore. Couldn't step foot in the forge. Freaking useless... He took a step forward, but was stopped by a whine. He turned around, looking at Cinny. "Of course you're coming," the seventeen year old muttered. He took a deep breath. Off to the Field of Mars. On his way there though, he passed Felicity's tree and stopped.

This has probably been sitting at your workbench for a few days now. I’m sorry, I couldn’t wait until you got out.

His gaze drifted down the via Preatoria. She had left a note for him, before she left... He looked back at Cinny before sitting down on the ground again. Cinny made a beeping noise and then ejected his drawer. Edmund took out an encyclopedia of animals, turned to the back of the book, and removed a letter. He replaced the book and then took out the notebook Tessa had given him and a pen. For a while afterwards, all Edmund could do was stare at the blank sheet of paper, at a loss for what to do. He fiddled with the pen in his hand, looking at a word filled page beside the blank page:

I’ve left camp Ed. You won’t see me for awhile. I don’t know if you are probably dancing with glee because you don’t have to worry about me bothering you anymore, but this is the last you will hear of me for awhile. I might be doing something I may come to regret someday but right now I am determined. Who knows, you might be supportive of this. I’m going against everything the legion has taught us. If you can’t guess, I’m turning against the Gods.

How on earth had she done this? Just writing to him like it was nothing, putting her thoughts on a piece of paper. Could he just steal her words? Maybe just leave her the note she had given him? Would she get the hint? Ed exhaled. He hadn't written a letter to someone since... right before leaving the legion.

Naive, nine year old Edmund writing to his mother.
She'd never get the letters. He had burned them, along with the planes, after the fight with Pluto, Weingarten, and Jolly...

Before I finish this Ed I want to let you know something. You were a great friend. I hope that maybe I can see you again. If that means on the battlefield or not I do now know... Out of everyone at the legion you were the person I cared the most about. Take care of yourself Ed and I’m sorry about dumping MB on you. I’m just in a hurry. I have to leave the camp tonight. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop Remus from hurting you. I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you in the infirmary. I hope you are better now. Ed, I love you, in a sibling sort of sense I guess. Please take care of yourself.

MB... there was no MB anymore. Not since she had left this letter... Even after she had come back, he didn't remake him. He couldn't... she'd just disappear on him again, which she had... when she lost her memories. His eyes skipped to the last line, and he let a light smirk flicker over his face. No promises.

Edmund hesitated before putting his pen down and writing in his untidy scrawl.

Felicity,

You know how 
I'm sorry that
I need to finish this before I

I've finally done it. I've left camp. You won't see me for a while. Don't come after me, don't even think about it. You're probably already thinking about it, along with five different ways to hit me over the head and call me an idiot. I have no desire to explain to you why I'm doing this. You probably know why. You did it for the same reason. It'll be better with me gone. I'm a dead weight, anyway. The next time I see you will probably be on the battlefield. Don't let sentiment get the better of you. Don't be the stupid idiot I know you're capable of being.

Edmund

His eyes passed over it a few times before folding it over and placing Felicity's letter back into it's proper place. Shorter and blunter, and somewhat reflective of the letter she had once written him, but he had done it. He was going to go into New Rome, leave it in the letter box, and then ditch it to the Field of Mars. It sounded so simple in his head... but then it started to get complicated. What if someone stopped him? What if he ran into her? What if he ran into someone else? What if they started talking? This letter would tie him to something. Maybe if he just disappeared, not that anyone would really notice. Yes, that'd be better. They could think him dead or something. If he left this, he'd be one of the biggest hypocrites on the planet. If he left this and imagined her finding it, much like he had found hers, he would end up rethinking this whole thing. He'd chicken out. And he couldn't do that. He was leaving. He was. He had to. Now. Before he changed his... Before he knew it, the letter was shoved into an extra compartment of Cinny, and he was standing in the Field of Mars and calling Trivia....

The first night bunking at Orthys had to be one of the longest in his life. At one point in the night, he remembered the letter. The best way to get rid of evidence is to burn it. Edmund took the letter he had written out and held it at arms length. "Cinny." The machine protested and whined, leaving Edmund to wonder why he had ever let his machine take on a personality. "Cinny," he repeated. Finally, the shredder had to obey. A beam shot at the paper, igniting it. Edmund dropped it, watching the edges curl up and burn.

Cynical, seventeen year old Edmund writing to Felicity Weingarten. She'd never get the letter. He had burned it, like MB. As much as he tried to ignore it, he could hear a faint "Mommy" just as the paper got reduced to ashes.

[Deleted]

In Case I Die

Edmund laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Common activity, these days. An untouched box of metal scraps sat in the corner of his room.

"Keep yourself busy."

Edmund never did take orders well....

"You never got the chance to fix Metal Bird."
"That doesn't matter. Stupid thing broke too many times."

"But after the war, you better still be around because you never fixed metal bird."
No promises.

After the war. After the quest. If he came out alive.
He had been lucky these past few times.
He was beginning to think it was starting to run out.

....maybe he could take an order... just this once.... It wasn't like her order was different than the one he was giving himself.

------------------------<CINERIBUS_Mastercode_override_war>

<chip1_detected//system startup//proceed_validation to continue>

Is Edmund Simons dead?

<file//:program encode--if yes_rootfile:proceed{recording:PlanB.mov_projection3D//temporarybasemodel_attempt1}--if no_complete system shut down_proceed{encoded_HermitCrab}>
[Recording Plan B. Go.]

If you're hearing this, that means Cinny's made it out alive and I have not. I always expected I wouldn't. Coming out alive from multiple situations has been a mistake. It's finally caught up to me though, and I'm fine with it. I deserve it. 

Cinny is now the forge's, if you want to keep him. If you don't, I understand. To get rid of him, take him into the Field of Mars, walk far away, and say "Dakota".  He'll disintegrate on the spot. You have 36 hours to decide. Keep or dispose.

<file//:program encode--pause__projection3D//temporarybasemodel_attempt1//project_countdown:36:00:00//awaiting instruction\\if keep_rootfile:proceed{continue:PlanB.mov_projection3D//temporarybasemodel_attempt1}--if dispose_complete system shut down_proceed{encoded_HermitCrab}>

[Continuation of Plan B. Go.]

I know, after all I've done, the last thing I should be doing is making a final, postmortem request, but Cinny is about to eject a box. If you try to open it, your fingers will burn. If you decide to give it to a god, it will disintegrate. I want you to dispose of it. I don't care what you do. Throw it in a forge fire, drown it at sea, burry it somewhere and forget about it, whatever, just get rid of it. …..Please.

<file//:program encode--action:eject_draw325>

Two more things. One, thank you. Two, I know it won't, in any way, shape, or form, make up for anything I've done, or relieve any of the hurt or anger I caused... but, I'm sorry.

Don't be an idiot and don't die.

[End recording]

<file//:program encode--double_route:complete system shut down//null set1_or_continuation of Plan B>

[Static. Continuation of Plan B.]

Felicity. I didn't forget. Told you no promises. Sorry I'm not there to give it to you myself. At least I left a note this time. Kinda.

Don't be an idiot and don't die.

[End Recording]

<file//:program encode--action:slide out compartment125_metal_bird_V4>

[Deleted]

March 25, 2005 -- 2:50 AM

Ed: *dreaming about monsters and such and he manages to out run them and is now in a really dark forest and expecting them to come back*

Discordia: *walking into Ed's room* you need to be stronger my sweet boy... monsters will always go after you... *kisses his forehead planting the strife in him*

Ed: *jumps slightly and just stares at her before reacting* Who.... who are you?

Discordia: *smiles softly* I'm just a friend... someone who is worried about you.

Ed: *twitches in his sleep* Are you one of the people who can turn into the monsters....? *backs up slightly*

Discordia: No... what you see is what I am. *smiles half lying* they... they have hurt you, right?

Ed: *looks at her a moment before smiling slightly* You can come into dreams?! *frowns slightly* One attacked me at school... none of the grown ups would believe me though

Discordia: yes... I can. *then nodded* that is why you need to be... stronger, to explode your abilities.

Ed: *grins* Cool! Like a movie! *tilts head* Abilities?

Discordia: it is a pity your father never told you about it... *sighs* Ed... have you never felt that the fire... called you?

Ed: *looks at her* Sometimes. I even made a fire once at school... but I got in trouble for that too *frowns*

Discordia: but I'm sure it kept you safe... right?

Ed: *nods* The monster stayed away... but I got into trouble *frowns*

Discordia: there is a place where you won't have to worry about that, only about being strong.

Ed: Really? Where?

Discordia: first you need to be strong. What would you do if the monsters attacked again? *increasing the strife in his heart*

Ed: Scare them away with the fire. It worked before.

Discordia: yes, ut you need to work on your fire, on how you will scare them, how will you protect yourself... *the strife in him created the monsters that came into picture.*

Ed: *nods earnestly* Okay! I-- *sees the monsters and screams, backing up but instead of running, he holds his ground and gives into a pull inside him; electricity all redirects to the main power box of his house and it explodes, starting a fire in the basement; Edmund wakes up, eyes wide, and makes his way to his parents room like he always does after a nightmare*

Discordia: *sighs when he wakes up and stays in his room for a second, then walks to [Meg's] room and watches her sleeping.*

*a few moments later, the fire alarm goes off*

Discordia: lovely [Meg]... you are the sweetness in his life... but I need him to be tougher.. you need to due for that. I'm deeply sorry kid. *kissed her forehead and gave her peace in her dreams, no strife at all.*

Meg: *smiles a little in her sleep* // James: *is approaching her room to get her up*

Discordia: *stands by the bed and doesn't care that James is comming.*

James: *gets into the room* Meg, wake up! *spots [Discordia]* who are you? Get away from my daughter!

Discordia: James... you did a wonderful job as a father, but your duty ends tonight. After this night I will take care of Edmund... I will guide his steps. *smiles* and is better if Meg remains asleep, so she won't suffer.

James: what...? *would say more, but well, fire alarm; picks up Meg* I suggest you get out too *leaves with her*

Discordia: *sighs knowing the house is a hell already and there was no way they got out alive* don't wake her up James... and I'd suggest you to sleep again... where is Somnia when i need him... or better Somnus.

[Deleted]

I Swear on the River Styx...
(because I'm evil and Ed's horrible life would kinda make sense xD)

Before Edmund turned nine, he transferred into a new school. The lesson that month in Social Studies was on Greek and Roman mythology. Under peer pressure and trying to make friends like his mother wanted him to, Edmund made an Oath on the River Styx. It was a trivial, stupid Oath, and Edmund had the eerie feeling that he shouldn't be doing it, but went ahead anyway. He ended up breaking the Oath a couple of days later.

Two months later, Discordia appeared in Ed's dreams, and the Simons's house went up in flames.

To this day, Ed doesn't remember that he made and broke an Oath.

[Deleted]

And Watch It Burn (Take Eight)

Edmund Simons had watched hundreds of things in his life burn. Some he had burned himself, others, he had watched others burn. The majority of burnt objects were meaningless: a scrap of metal, plans or starts for a project, metal globs, old things that could be melted down and remade. Most of those things, he didn't give a second thought. They were useless pieces of paper and metal, no longer needed. The plans could be redrawn. The metal contraptions remade. Both into something better. Hundreds of papers and metal objects burned day in and day out: never given a second thought by forgers. However, amongst the hundreds of things, there were a couple of exceptions.

Throughout his life, Edmund had been haunted by seven things he had watched burn: his house, wooden grandfather clock, his letters and planes underneath the rock, Metal Bird v3, the quest members in the ruins, the letter he almost sent to her, and the letters he had anonymously written to camp. It was about to turn into eight. 

He had been given the option to go to the funerals. All of them had. Traitor to camp or not. All of them were invited to honor the dead. Edmund could've gone, but couldn't. He hadn't been able to bring himself to go to his own family's wake or funeral. Forget his best friend's. Instead of going, he had just laid in the infirmary, letting all the smoke from the mass pyre burning drown him. He could see it like a play: over and over in his head. As if he didn't have enough of those already. Edmund could see her body curling, hear Remus screaming, hear his own voice, much quieter. As if he could wish it away. If only he had been able to wake up faster. But no. All he could do was stand there, yards away, useless, as he watched someone take her life. Caulder had been right. He hadn't deserved her friendship or... anything, really. It was his fault she died... But, he did feel like he owed her... something. He may've not deserved her, and he may've killed her, but she had become part of his family, whether she had known it or not. Which made it all the worse.

Before returning to the forge, Edmund gathered some wood and made his own, tiny pyre. He called Cinny and had his machine open up a bottom drawer. Ed reached in, took out Metal Bird v4 (never even turned on), and placed it in. He had it since their trip to the Grand Canyon together. He had even built in a command in his "In Case I Die" sequence that would give her MB should he not make it. But after all of her insistence for him to stick around so he could remake the bird, she was the one who ended up vanishing: not able to receive it.

His self made pyre, MB, and the lack of people around from it being in the middle of multiple training times brought him to the base of her tree. How many times had he watched her jump off it, smirking? How many times had she been up there reading, sometimes napping. How clueless she had been when he took her there after she got amnesia. How back to normal she had seemed when she decided to drop in on him while he was at Orthys. He'd never be able to talk to her again. Never be able to tell her that he was sorry, or that she was his best friend or anything. No more sass offs, childish antics, or trips. Just... she was gone. Gone. And this time (unlike last time), she had no way of ever coming back. He had been able to keep himself in check before, but now that he was actually doing this, it brought the entire reality of the situation slamming down on his head.

He forced himself to stand, not realizing how hard staying upright was becoming. Edmund took a deep breath and then semi cleared his throat. "So. Uh..." Did people usually talk during these sort of things? He shook his head, looking down at his makeshift pyre. "Damn it, Weingarten. Get yourself up here so I can crack Casper jokes or-" What the hell was he doing? "... or some," his voice cracked. "...something..." She was a daughter of Pluto, she could resurrect her own ghost, right? He bit his lip, trying to breathe. "C'mon, Felicity... please?" he asked quietly. He looked around, nothing. Sighing, Ed looked back at the pyre. A sudden heat took over his entire body, and his ears started ringing. "That mad at me, huh?" His mouth twitched into a slight smile, despite the few tears staring to streak down his face. "It's okay...I am too." Edmund took a steadying breath and then struck a match. "I'm sorry..." he whispered, blinking rapidly. As if that would stop him crying faster. "For... y'know... everything."

Then he threw the match on the pyre, and watched it burn.

[Deleted]

Testing 1, 2, 3
Haha. I randomly come up with depressing character ideas.
So. What if James and Alexis had been shooting an "In Case We Die" vid for Ed/Meg? Of course they'd cover it up with "oh yeah, we were just having fun with the camera"/"just to get these stories recorded for you guys!"

-feedback-

-white noise-

"So, uh, how'd'ya want to start this again?"

-shuffling around-

-light thud- "Well, um. Maybe you can take the lens cap off for one."

-laughing-

"And you call yourself technologically savvy. Unbelievable."

"Damn it Alexis, I'm a programmer not a camera man."

"Oh, so sorry Scotty."

........ -both- "I can't believe I married such a nerd."

-click and video.-

-tracking camera date Jan. 23. 2005.-

"See? I got it!"

"Top notch work, James."

"Oh shush. No, but really, how do'ya want to work this?"

"Like this:" *serious face* -silence- "Emalia Livia Smith, if you have this I will kill you in the afterlife."

*semi horrified face* -silence- "......such affection."

"She knows I'm joking."

".....right. Uh." *awkward look into the camera* "Shot not."

"Chicken."

"Kangaroo."

"........guppy."

"You are going to edit this, aren't you?"

"Well duh, I'm not having you saying "damn it" on camera when a five year old is watching."

"Well, hopefully she'll never have to-"

"SH." -silence for a few seconds- "......y'know this sounded a lot better in my head."

*both stare at each other*

"So, your mom had an idea-"

"Which your dad agreed on"

"You've probably heard these stories before but we just wanted to document them."

"Y'know. Incase you ever get old like us and your memory deteriorates."

"So." -clears throat- "......You first, Alex."

".....gee thanks dear. Uh. As you two may or may not know, my first name is Alexis. Yes. Parents do have first names. But I'm mom to you."

"And I'm James... but dad. Y'know."

"Anyway. Uh.... my last name was Smith. But then I changed it to Simons after marrying... Which, Meg, you have the option of doing too, if you ever get married -pause- Edmund, I know you're giving your sister a look. Despite what your classmates say girls do not have cooties. Meghan, boys do not have cooties either."

-whispers- "What're cooties...?"

-whispers- "I don't know! Something classmates tend to say the opposite gender has!"

-silence- *gets nudged* "Oh! Uh. Well. I didn't have to change my name...."

-patient exhale- "So. I have a sister. You know her as Aunt Em. Her actual name's Emalia. She's my twin. We grew up in Poughkeepsie, New York. Both Uma and Opa died before you could get to meet them. Car crash, speeding driver." *clears throat* Well, Ed. You were one. Doubt you remember anything. Opa was nice, I loved him... but could be hard to deal with sometimes. Really stubborn. Uma managed to soften him up some though. She was my step-mom. Didn't ever bother hiding it, even though she had been there since I was three or four. Opa never talked about our birth mom. Who knows. Maybe we were secretly adopted? Or... he just didn't like to talk about her..."

"While we're on that subject. Ed, you know I'm your step-father. Doesn't mean I'll ever love you any less. But, OH. My parents... you weren't able to meet Nana and Pop-Pop either. I didn't have much time with them myself, now that I think about it. They both died when I was twenty-one."

-pause-

"......well that family history was delightful."

"Break?"

"Yeah, break."

-camera shakes and then turns off-

-tracking camera date Feb. 10. 2005.-

"So, since it's so close to Valentine's Day, we decided to come back with a relevant and happy topic!"

"Hopeless romantic."

"Fine, I'll go first. Kids, this is How I Met Your Mother: So. I'm working at this IT job and so was your mom. I was in a break room with a bunch of the guys and your mom walks in and--"

"He's doing this whole dorky impression of Hans Solo--"

"Hey, you were no better, you joined right in!"

"They all looked at us and said we were dorks."

"And then we laughed."

"And then I asked her if she'd like to get coffee."

"And I thought you were pretty brave. So I said yes, but I drink tea."

"So, I brought her to a China Tea shop instead."

"......you brought me to Dunkin Doughnuts."

".....I'm pretty sure I brought you to the Jasmine Dr-"

"That was the second time."

"Oh.... right. We watched a pod blossom, which were actually tea leaves, brew in a clear tea pot."

"It was really pretty. Emalia got me one of the clear tea pots and a couple of pods for my wedding present."

"A year later, I've learned all about you, Ed. I've learned that she can forge and kick my butt. I've come to love her and think she's the most beautiful woman in the world. So, I do the only thing I feel's right: I get down on one knee and propose to her in a park."

"I obviously said no." -pause- "Joking, joking.... We got married and, a year later, Meg, you were born. And that's your Valentine's story for the day!"

-camera shakes and then turns off-

-tracking camera date Mar. 23. 2005.-

*8!Ed waves at the camera*

"You excited about your birthday?"

"Yeah!"

"You excited about the cake?"

*nod* "Mhm! I helped make it!" *grins*

"Are you going to stay awake tomorrow night for the movie?"

*nods*

"Do you remember what move we're going to be watching?"

"Lilo and Stitch. I liked it at school. I want to try making a hover craft next!"

"Are they going to be different from your planes?"

"Yup! And I'm going to put it in Meg's little town too!"

"I'm sure she'll like it!"

"I'm almost done. I just need two more wood blocks..."

-Edmund looks at the camera and blinks; it accidentally, telepathically shuts off-

-tracking camera date Mar. 24. 2005.-

"Are you watching the popcorn, Meg?"

*nods and watches it spinning in the microwave*

"You're going to share some with Daddy during the movie, right?"

"And Mommy. Ed doesn't like popcorn. Will he eat cake tomorrow?"

"Maybe. We made a little one with no frosting for him."

"He's weird."

-Disney castle sound and then it pauses, grandfather clock starts chiming-

"Did they start without us?"

"No sweetie, they didn't."

"Okay!"

"Can you help Daddy put the left overs in the fridge?"

*nods; takes the left over chicken parm and puts it next to the left over pancake batter from the morning*

-ding-

"Here, May, I'll get it, it's hot."

-camera shakes and then turns off-

*random home movie clips: Alexis holding Meg for the first time, Edmund holding Meg for the first time, James infront of his computer, Alexis making pancakes, Ed/Meg playing on a playground, Ed trying to push Meg on a swing, James pushing Edmund on a swing, Meg singing in a school play, [upside down and then flipped right side up] James and Alexia cooking, Meg pushing around a little toy car that Ed made, a semi compete city made entirely out of wood building blocks, Ed making planes*

-black out-

[Deleted]

I Won't Say....

I'm tired of fighting. They won't stop, but they're all expecting him to fight, because that's what he does. But sometimes he's just... so tired. Tired of them, their lies, their stupidity, and empty promises. "Whatever."

I'm not okay. I think I need help. Others have it worse off. He shouldn't burden others. Such a routine lie; too easy to say, really. A preprogramed reply, ready to spit it out when needed. Maybe one day, after he had repeated it enough, it would actually come true: "I'm fine."

I care too much. I just... I can't do it. I'm sorry. The more you care the more you have to lose. He couldn't vocalize it, because if he did, it made it permanent and real. It would hurt too much, and he wouldn't be able to deal with it if he lost what he cared about. If he repeated it enough, maybe it would come true: "I don't care."

I promise. Something he knows he can never do, but he's intent on keeping his word anyway. He just... can't promise, less something goes wrong. A reason lurks in the back of his mind, trying to offer an explanation, but he ignores it. Instead, he blurts "No promises" and "Both" in response to "is that a threat or a promise?"

I could've lost you. Don't ever scare me like that again. Josh is lying on the ground and bleeding out from multiple monster attacks, then sitting outside and smoking a cigarette. Flash forward: he sits in an infirmary bed, his bones broken and he's beaten seven ways from Sunday. Ed opens his mouth both times, but all that comes out is "So you have become dumber" and "You idiot."

Look after yourself, be careful. I don't think I could stand to lose you again. Felicity wants to leave... again. He doesn't really blame her, a traveller at heart. It must seem monotonous here. Besides, she will come back. She will. But all the positive thinking in the world wouldn't help if... if something did happen. He can't be sure, so he gives her a hug for the road. He thinks of saying it, he really does, but the only thing that comes out of his mouth is "Don't be an idiot... Stay safe or I swear to the gods I will kill you myself."

I'm sorry. They didn't deserve it, I know they didn't. This... this was just the only way I knew how. They can hate me all they want after I get killed just... stop, please. I'm sorry. Remus and Jason are behind bars in Orthys, thirsty for his blood and his head on a pike. Ed doesn't blame them, the lies and guilt are crashing around him, it'd be sot of a relief to be honest. That way he wouldn't have to face them if he got out of the war alive. He's hurt Felicity, Lyn, and probably Ethan and Josh pretty bad... and he knows it. Jolly, Ashby, Ronan, and Nova will probably never forgive him. They're probably relieved he's gone, even though being away from the Legion's forges and First cohort's training sessions makes him feel empty. He can't crack now though. It'd all go to waste. So he does what he normally does: he distances himself, steels up, and snarks. It takes more effort than usual, and he has to leave soon after so he won't completely crack in front of them.  "Their mistake for seeing anything in me."

I want to go home... It burns infront of him, the flames exploding and consuming everything in their past. I miss my family... He cries himself to sleep in the hospital and then in his temporary room at Em's house, trying to remember the lullaby his mom would sing him when he was upset and losing control. Em has plenty of pictures, but he can't bring himself to look at them. I want go home, I miss my family, as he stares down Lupa, trying to keep his chin up and be brave. I want to go home, I miss my family, as he gets even more burns from the Legion and initiates into the first cohort. I want to go home, I may be able to join them now, he thinks as he stares down his first war and gets knocked out. He wakes up in the infirmary, not with them. I want to go home, I miss my family, as he sits under the stars with Lyn, talking about batteries and other inventions, or just in silence. They're on a forsaken quest... and maybe he'll get to see them soon. I want to go home, I miss my family, as he sits on the tower at Orthys, half wondering what it'd be like to fall off. It'd probably feel like he was flying... at least it'd be quick, then I'd see them for sure. But he doesn't fall off. A war is looms again: it comes and goes just like the other. It ends with multiple trips to the infirmary, a loss of a best friend, and a dishonorable discharge... He sits in a cell in only gods knows where, feeling cuts bleed and new bruises form, trying to be tough and brave. He shuts his eyes, feeling dizzy and sliding down the wall into a sitting position. A tide of exhaustion rushes over him. I want to go home... Rhia curls up on the couch, flipping through the stations until she lands on Lilo and Stitch; Josh is laughing, saying he ate a small bar of chocolate. I miss my family... Ethan laughs, dubbing him as Edwina from the stupid Chicken Run movie; Lyn hands him a bracelet: white with black specks; Felicity hugs him, they're sassing each other way too fast, but it feels right.... He falls unconscious.

I love you. 
Lyn is already walking away, off to her new life with the Hunters.
Felicity is already yards away, off to her next adventure.
Ethan's already teleported to his cabin.
Josh and Rhia are already in bed.

Ed stares at no point in particular, wondering whether he's awake or asleep. 

[Deleted]

Comfortably Numb(ish)

if this is your interpretation of a joke, I suggest you leave before I kill you.
She's fine... stupid idiot... she's okay...
No.... no....
She's in the morgue... isn't she....

Felicity. Is it bad if.... I don't.... I don't feel anything.
No.... sometimes that's how people grieve.
No... I know I don't do it like that... do you want to know how many things got destroyed after you disappeared?

How can you... be so... calm.
Easily. I mean.... I don't know. I know I should be either raging or breaking things or... I dunno, something. But... I'm not.

He should have been. He knew it.
Smash a mirror, attack a dummy, flip the place upside down, punch the wall... something. But he just... didn't feel anything. How horrid of a person was he? As if he didn't know. But... he couldn't do it. His mind almost seemed jammed, unaccepting of the information. Any emotionality decided to shut down. Feel, come on, damn you. Get angry, get sad, get something. You wouldn't be able to handle it. And you know it. Besides, you have to take care of Art and Josh. You can't do that if you're a mess yourself. It's easier this way.... you know how to do it. Ed exhaled, his eyes focusing on no particular point on the wall. Then he shut them, tight. 

Do you have replacements for these? I'd also like to discuss armor for my familiar.
Found the tower I see.
Too bad, you're family. Doesn't matter if you need to be worried about [or] not....But yeah..... Please come home
Where you on camps side the entire time? In orthys, I wanted to know.
Thanks for the crib.
Josh..... Might be missing. Captured... He's Josh, so he'll come back like always right?
Will you still stay here even while Josh isn't here? Do you want me to?
Rhiannon, have you eaten anything since yesterday?
Finally tired of [my food]? Oh no, I loved the burnt pieces.
You're not sleeping again.
What do you think about being Art's godfather?
Edmund! Idiot what did you do? Mouth off to them?
Ed why does your face look weird again?
There's been an increase of kids not afraid of us
Ed.. I asked you to get some apples. Why did you get 4 bags? There where like 12 different kinds!
No one in this house is allowed to disappear
--Hey if I eat ice cream in winter I can make hot cocoa in summer.
--Next step up would to come drink it in the forge.
--Don't dare me.

He bit his lower lip until he tasted blood, trying to choke down the slight whimper that threatened to ruin his carefully constructed and patched up appearance. He had never considered just how much they had grown as a house hold...or as family. He wasn't ready for (but should have expected) the crushing realization that it was just the small things. The thought that he was never going to see her walk through the door again. No more random hugs or punches. No more quipping back and forth...  And she'd never call them her idiots again. 

We love you. You can talk to us.
No...yes... you shouldn't...? Idon'tunderstand...?
Ed, we like things about you. Maybe we shouldn't, but we love you. We've all done bad things. Doesn't make you a bad person...I know you don't have the greatest history with families. Not too many people here in the legion do.
Buttheycankeepthem
And you can keep us.

Edmund sniffed slightly, his face getting hot, and his stomach twisting.

His fingers curled into fists, encompassing some of the blankets. You were wrong... I never can, he thought, and somewhere, deep down, he knew it to be very true. Idiot... for caring about him and being his family. Everyone should've probably known that never led to anything good... He just brought everyone down with him. Why did they even have to insist on taking him into their house in the first place?! He felt something wet starting to make its way, sideways, across his cheek. Nonono this is not supposed to happening, he berated himself, which, of course, didn't help at all. It just made it worse. Why was he doing this? He wasn't supposed to feel anything. Resident machine that he was. He couldn't even sort out his own mind and he honestly didn't even want to. Angry? Sad? Ashamed? Miserable? In Denial? In Shock? Probably all the above. And he couldn't take it. 

Curling up onto his side, and staring at the blurry wall, Ed vaguely wondered if this was what drowning felt like.